The Adventures the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 37: A Year of Visual Impairment
This week I will deviate from my normal blog format to reflect about my first year as a person with a visual impairment. July 24 marked a year from the date of my accident. In that year much has happened, much has changed, but many things have remained the same.
I want to start out by thanking all the people that have assisted me and supported me throughout this year. Thanks to my friends who set up the fundraising site so that I could keep a roof over our heads. And of course those that contributed so generously to my fundraiser. Without those monies I would have lost everything. Thanks to the Moms Club and others who brought in meals when I could not cook. There are many friends who helped me clean, organize and maintain my house when I was almost completely blind and who spent hours with me just listening to me and supporting me in the transition. Thanks to my family members like my parents who came to be with me and took care of me after my two operations. During the year many people have provided transportation for us and included us in activities and that has been tremendously helpful. I also want to thank those that come help me fix things or figure things out in my house when I can’t see enough to maintain my home. Lastly, I want to thank the assistants who have helped me continue my business.
A year after my accident, my vision has not improved. In the last few weeks it actually seems worse because my cornea in my left eye is still shifting. But with the tools I have and some tricks I have learned I can fool most people into thinking I see normally. My next steps are to see if my cornea can be reshaped so that it is round again and to keep on top of progress in the artificial retina and stem cell work to regrow the retina. At some point in the future I will have normal vision again using one of these technologies.
During the course of the year I had good days and bad days and that has not changed, except that there are fewer bad days. Every day brings a challenge of some sort and there are no easy days. But I think that is the case for most people. I try to do things despite the fact I can’t see very well. I have been successful at times—patching a leak in my water heater, fixing a toilet, finding my sunglasses in the ocean. But then I do what I call blind girl things like throwing away important mail, wearing a shirt inside out or with stains and the latest, grinding up an expensive pocket knife in the garbage disposal. But my hearing is better and I am more tuned in to what is around me and can be more present focused. I also have an uncanny sense of knowing where things are and can navigate using mental maps I create.
This year I also tried lots of new things. I rock climbed, learned how to salsa, improved my voice, and am learning to play the drums. On the anniversary of my accident I drove a car for the first time since the accident. I drove about 5 miles down country roads and what I found is that I can stay in the lane, see stop signs with plenty of time to stop, see cars coming and make turns. Basically, if I had to in an emergency, I can drive. I will continue doing new things and still plan to run a 10K this fall and bike 40 miles on the tandem. I also want to take modern dance.
I could have never predicted where I would be a year after my accident. What is most surprising is that I found love and a life partner, and that I am rethinking my career. What is most disappointing is the ongoing lack of independence from not being able to drive and the challenges it brings and the lack of consideration by others who don’t think to offer rides. I also did not expect the accident to bring an ongoing battle with my ex and his new wife who constantly and consistently try to prove I cannot parent. And since I have recently discovered that they are reading my blog I would like to say how sad it is that they cannot act adult enough to deal with me to address issues but attack me through my child and that they don’t acknowledge the damage they are doing. I could also never have predicted how difficult and depressing the weeks leading to the anniversary would be and how sad and angry I still am. Even though my eyes will not heal, I have much more healing to do and that will take a long time.
At the core, I am still the same Beth in both good and bad ways. I am resourceful, persistent and creative. And I am also sometimes impatient and often forget to take care of myself. What drives me and defines me is the same- those things have not changed because I am visually impaired. At what is interesting is that I am so used to not being able to see (or see differently) that it is now my new normal. And that is a normal I can and will live with and flourish in spite of until my vision returns.
So here is to my second year of visual impairment. I am hopeful I will continue to learn and grow and live my life according to my purpose and values. And to live with little fear and the faith to always move forward. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger. So, I am stronger and will continue to get stronger (whatever that means).
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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