The Adventures of the (Blind/Low Vision/visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 65: Trying to be Connected in a Sighted, but Disconnected World
Recently two things I read and saw caused me to think about how I interact with people differently now that I am visually impaired, and how that acting differently makes me different. First, after reading some literature on the importance of reading people through facial expressions and the importance of searching someone’s eyes, I began reflecting on how I miss cues because I cannot see facial expression and how that impairs me in social interactions when I want to connect. The second thing that really got me thinking is a TED lecture I saw on how we are becoming more disconnected because of social media and texting and how younger people do not know how to have a conversation. Because I text very slowly and do not have a smart phone and only really use Facebook sparingly, my preference is to pick up the phone and call people and have conversations. I am becoming aware that this is not the norm and I cannot imagine what it would be like if I relied on texting and e-mailing. My general reflections about connectedness and communication and doing so as a visually impaired person in a very visually driven world, is the focus of this blog. But first……………………….
My WTF of the week is the fact my computer had the unfortunate experience of contracting a Trojan virus. The whole thing started when it began shutting certain programs down, and eventually it would not let me on the internet. I made problems worse by shutting down and restarting my computer about 20 times, winch I am sure the virus really enjoyed. On the third day I took it to Staples and the guy said that it looked like a Trojan virus. To which I said, “That was not the type of Trojan I wanted to be dealing with”. For some reason he did not think this was funny. Much chaos happened with my computer at Staples because there were two techs who failed to communicate when they handed off my computer so I had to step in and communicate for them when what should have taken one day took three. After they had it three days and still did not have my computer back running what it needed at the start up, I rescued it and had a friend come over who fixed it in 5 minutes. The good thing is that I now have all of my data backed up on a massive external hard drive and very powerful anti-virus software, which I should have had in the first place to protect my computer. Why didn't they call the virus protection Trojan-that would have made more sense.
This week I can’t get enough of my new hot pink electric tricycle Ped E Cab. Now that it is getting hotter, I can’t just run everywhere and I also need to cut down on using drivers. I also needed something I could tote my daughter around on safely as she seems to have a problem with walking, or riding in the jogging stroller, or riding a bike. So I went on the Internet looking at all these cool quadricycles and adult trikes. I also went to Outspokin on Devine and they hooked me up with a trike and Trek Tag a Long to try. Given I could not go over 8 miles an hour without tipping it and my daughter refused to ride the tag along this tanked quickly. Brian at Outspokin and me both researched other options. There are dual pedal quads that look like golf carts and recumbent tandems and of course the Scandinavian Mobii where it is a bike with a carrier thing with two wheels in the front and you can put two kids in it. It looks way cool. Problem is all these new alternative forms of transport, especially the ones with the rechargeable motors, are outrageously expensive. In the end I went looking for used transport and on EBay found my Monarch Ped E Cab. It was a floor model and is being shipped to me already assembled. I am psyched that I have something that will enhance my independence, look cool, and is safe and environmentally friendly. And of course I am going to trick it out with silver streamers, a disco ball and cool decals. You will see us coming (so you don’t run us over). A big thanks also to Outspokin for all their help.
As the ways we communicate have changed over the past two years, the ways I communicate have also changed, but in the opposite way. In a sense I am going against the grain. I do not really like to text because it is time consuming and I do not have the time to read what is going on in the Facebook world. I don’t have a smart phone because I cannot see one, so I also do not have access to the web at my fingertips. And I love it. Reducing the flood if information has made my life easier and at the same time my visual impairment has also forced me to pick up the phone and talk to people more. My preference and primary form of communication is through conversation. As I have moved more to phone conversations I find that sometimes it takes a while to get people conditioned to calling me back instead of trying to communicate via texting. But I notice that some do eventually start picking up the phone to communicate. At first I thought that not having the ability or time to text and e-mail and use social media left me in the cold. But, actually the opposite has occurred. If I care enough about you to want to know you or know what is going on in your world I, eventually, will pick up the phone. Because of this I not only know who my friends are, but my friendships have deepened because I am really connecting with people. Those who use text or e-mail as a primary means of communication in building or maintaining relationships must be at a loss in really being able to connect.
At the same time the visual impairment has left me unable to read people because I can’t see facial expressions. It means I get no feedback about how people are reacting to what I say or if they are even making eye contact and attending. I can’t read if people are being sincere or authentic or sarcastic because that is often shown in the face and not in the tone of voice. I do not know when someone is looking at me or gesturing from a distance. It has made me aware of how much communication is done via eye contact and nods or other small gestures and signs in the face, all of which I can no longer see. If I am with someone and meet or see a person I have to rely on the friend to describe a reaction, or tell me if someone was looking at me or seemed engaged or even annoyed (I do have a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor). I think the inability to see facial expression hurts me in social interaction, facilitation and especially in trying to meet new people. And I am not sure how to get around it. My heightened sense of hearing and other senses don’t really assist me in this task. My strategy now is to just smile a lot and seem approachable and listen as much as I can to tone and inflection of the voice, and my brain’s new ability to try and fill in the gaps in faces. I think about how much I wish I could hold someone’s gaze and understand what they are feeling. I wonder, in this new age of communication where we are disconnected, if we are not teaching our kids how to have a conversation, then we are also not teaching them how to read non-verbal behavior. How can you read people if you can’t see them or even if you are with them you are looking down at your phone? The loss of the ability to have conversations and all that it entails will create a society that is just about being heard or people knowing what you are doing, instead of knowing each other. And that is a sad thing.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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