August 31, 2011-Volume 41: Tick, Tock the Biological Clock

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 41: Tick, Tock, the Biological Clock

This week I am somewhat fixated on the power of the biological clock and the influence it exerts over our decision making as we reach our 30’s.  I am wondering how the biological clock manifest itself in the 40’s, 50’s and beyond and if men have a biological clock.  That is the focus of this week’s blog.  But first………………….

My WTF of the week is the hugely bizarre dream I had the other night and how it related to my physical condition when I awoke. So the gist of this dream is that an alligator about 5 feet long bit my right ankle and would not let go. So I was limping around with this alligator clamped onto my leg, trying to find someone who could get it off.  Eventually they bring a stretcher but when they get there the alligator decides to let go and so they stitched up my leg.  The next morning when I woke up my right leg was swollen at the ankle and I had a dull pain. Once again I integrated what was happening with my body into a dream, albeit in an utterly bizarre way.  It is the same (and I hope this happens to other people) when you really have to go to the bathroom when you are sleeping and you dream you are on the john and it wakes you up just in time to go.  And interestingly I can see in all my dreams.  I am not visually impaired.  I have even had a few dreams where I get my sight back, but in the entirety of the dream I did have my sight.

This week I can’t get enough of new endeavors.  First, I bought am electronic drum set on EBay and I managed to win it without the use of ESnipe.  That was very satisfying.  I am awaiting my new drums and will certainly include a review of them in a later blog.  The cool thing is that this is my first purchase of a musical instrument and my first experience learning to play one.  I am also set to begin Tai Chi practice.  I did this because the practice focuses on centering, relaxation and stress reduction and balance-all this I really need.  It also gives you a better sense of your surroundings and teaches you to sense others without use of sight.  I also admittedly am interested in eventually wielding a sword and large stick in a weapons class, but that will be at least six months away.  In the interim it’s wax on, wax off.

 I am convinced the biological clock, at least for women, leads us to make decisions that are sometimes not completely rational or healthy.  For me that clock, at 33 when I finally decided that I would procreate, caused me to end a 6 year relationship with a person because I knew I did not want to have children with him.  With the clock ticking I set off, although not consciously, to find a good mating partner.  I even had a checklist.  And when I felt I had found someone who got through the checklist, I ran headlong into a relationship, engagement and marriage all within one year.  At 35 the tick was deafening and I was in a hurry.  I was not following my gut, exploring my true feelings or even taking the time to really see the other person.   Interestingly the big Ah Hah moment came when I was about 5 months pregnant.  Too late.  For others I have talked with the biological clock has led them to stay in long term relationships that they should have left because they were in their early to mid-thirties and had already invested years of time and did not want to start over. In the end we end up jumping into or staying in relationships that fulfill our need for making babies, but do not fulfill our needs or make us happy.  Some of us are now the divorced moms with young children and some are struggling to keep our marriages together.  It is amazing when I look back the decisions my brain made awash in hormones that told me to procreate.  My friends that did not want children did not seem to rush into or stay in relationships that were not right for them.

Now, in my 40’s, I am wondering how the biological clock works.  I do not want any more children, so I am beginning to think that the biological clock has just become a clock-the march of time.  And the biological clock, for those of us who chose to have children, is now also the mothering instinct where decisions are made in order to do what’s best for your child, but also, because of age and wisdom, what is right for you. For me, I think about the aspect of time in general, and what I want to spend the rest of my active years doing and with whom I want to share that with. Now, as I have spoken about before, the focus is on having a full and balanced life and a person to share and witness that life.  Maybe that is key as you realize that half your life is over and how many years you will have good health is an unknown.  

I also wonder how the biological clock works in men.  Do they seek about suitable mating partners at a certain phase of life?  Because men can procreate much longer I do notice that they are not as in a big of a hurry.  That seems liberating to me.  And how is the biological clock related to the mid-life crisis.  As Olympia Dukakis so eloquently puts it in the movie Moonstruck (one of my favorites of all time) it is because men fear death.  So it is the march of time, the loss of virility, the desire to be young.  As a woman, I am just guessing all this.  Really I have no clue what leads men to buy expensive toys and trade wives for younger models—unless they fear death and decrepitude and are trying to stop that clock that ages us and marches us toward the end of our lives on earth.

In the end I think the lesson is to learn from our past, figure out what is important to us and how we want to live our lives, and live life fully without fear and with no regrets.  Sounds like a plan.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

August 24, 2011- Volume 40: The Big Weight Gain

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 40:  The Big Weight Gain

In the last three months almost 10 pounds has jumped on my body and about this I am dismayed.  The interesting thing is that I am about the same weight now as I was before the accident, but now that weight is too much for me.  When you have been able to slide on a size zero, why is it so hard to accept that you are almost a size four?  That is the focus of this blog.  But first……………

My WTF of the week is the fact that I was recently blamed for all that has happened to me, including the custody battle and ongoing unwillingness of my ex to co-parent in any way and his general unapologetic attitude toward me, on the fact that a week before my accident I had to call the police.  I did this because said ex tried to back out of the driveway twice with me half in the car trying to calm down my child. This was the culmination of escalating anger toward me which also led him to chuck a set of keys at my face.  All this is part of public record in my affidavit in my custody case, so I have no problem saying it again here.  What I do have a problem with is yet another instance of blaming the victim and the tolerance some have for emotional and physical violence---shame on them.

This week I can’t get enough of this season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  There is really nothing better on television.  The great thing is that I get lots of good one-liners and new terms from the show.  I am particularly fond of the Chat and Cut. This is when you are in a line and someone you do not really know comes up to talk to you and then inserts themselves into the line.  Not only have I observed this, but I have done it myself.  Now I have a name to call the technique.  Another favorite is the term “social assassin”.  In this episode people keep asking Larry to talk to their loved ones about things that bother them because he has no problem saying exactly what he feels.  He tells a man’s wife to stop saying LOL and Susie to stop smacking and saying “aaaah” after she drinks.  Everything turns out badly because the women suspect their husbands have put Larry up to this.  So he botched the hits.  I think I could maybe be a social assassin because I do tell it like it is. 

This week I know I am going to annoy some people by talking about my weight gain. After my accident I dropped down to under 130 and at one point was 124 pounds. I was eating normally and not trying to lose weight and was eating what I wanted.  I admit at 124 pounds and in a size 0, I looked too thin and many commented that looked emaciated or that my face was too drawn.  Around that time I had a conversation with a friend who was also trying to put on some weight and we decided that it is almost verboten to discuss the issue that you are too small and trying to put on weight around other women.  You get the glare. So I am probably going to get the “quit ur bitchin” reaction when I complain that I have gained about 10 pounds in the last three months.  With no change to my diet and exercising 4 to 5 times a week, my body, who seems to have a mind of its own, decided I was just too darn small and starting holding weight. I was OK with this about 6 pounds ago, but I am no longer OK with it and my weight keeps ticking up.

So, now I am really watching what I eat and stepping up the cardio because my size 2’s will barely fit.  But at the same time I am asking myself-what is so bad about being a size 4 again.  There was a time in my life, when I was a size 10, that I thought I could never, ever be a size 4 and now it seems too big.  Maybe the weight and size thing is all relative and it’s the fact I have gone up almost two sizes and gained weight that is the issue.  

I do not want to be a size 2 because someone is pressuring me or I want to look like a Hollywood actress or I think men like smaller women.  It is for none of those reasons. It is for practical reasons like I want to fit into the newer clothes I bought last fall and this spring and I just feel good about how my body looks about 6 to 8 pounds ago.  The interesting thing is that I am not willing to put tons of effort into the weight loss other than making small changes like not eating after 8pm and eating smaller meals and the increased cardio.  I am not going on any diet or giving up chocolate-to me that is just nuts. I need chocolate to function normally and maintain peace in my home.

I think what I have learned is that you have to feel comfortable with your body no matter what you weigh. And what different women feel comfortable with is going to vary.  I think now that I have seen my body at a size 2 I realized that is the way I am most comfortable.  If I would have never lost the weight I would probably be really happy to be a size 4 or 6.  But that is not what happened. So wish me luck or curse my name as I attempt to drop about 6 or 7 pounds.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

August 17, 2011-Volume 39: Testing My Limits

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 39:  Testing My Limits

Last week I hiked for the first time since my accident and after getting up a fairly steep climb I realized I was going to have an extremely difficult time getting back down.  What it made me realize is that I am constantly testing the limits of what I can and cannot do and often I don’t know where those limits are until I am in the situation.  That is the focus of this week’s blog.  But first………………..

My WTF of the week is the fact that my house is infested with house flies.  I have no clue where they came from, but only know that they can reproduce quickly.  Because I sometimes cannot see those pesky insects I don’t think I realized the scope of the problem until one morning when I went into the kitchen and heard a loud buzzing sound which obviously was coming from a large gaggle, murder, swarm or whatever you call a whole hell of a lot of flies. I attempted to catch them with honey because I had heard the expression, “it’s like catching flies with honey”.  I don’t know who coined that phrase but they were not that clever because I caught 0 flies.  I did not make a whole lot of effort to kill them. I kept opening the door and asking them to leave while waving my hand in the appropriate direction, and sometimes I wacked at them with a flip flop.  But, after a few people commented that I seemed to have a fly issue I felt I needed to do something.  So I sent my boyfriend after them with a folded up OK magazine. Since I can no longer keep up with entertainment news I figured the magazine would be good for something.  He had a technique for fly killing that involved an in depth understanding of how a fly moves when approached, i.e., it moves backward and directly into the path of killing he had crated.  He managed to kill about 30 flies. Then my daughter wanted to get in on the fly killing action and he taught her the techniques.  Turns out she is a relentless fly killer.  She just went after them--whacking them over and over while making karate like noises.  Then I got in on it and found the killing very satisfying and a great way to release anger.  In total about 60 flies have lost their lives in my house, but there are more, so every day I engage in a few rounds of swat the flies.  I don’t condone taking lives.  I usually try and save the creatures desperately trapped inside my home.  But the flies must go and so the killing continues. 

This week I can’t get enough of my new wig.  After my success with hair extensions I decided it would be great fun to try on some wigs.  They have a great wig shop in Asheville, so while I was there I decided to go in and look at the wigs just for the hell of it.  Next thing I know I am trying on 6 different wigs, all long, and of various colors and cuts (including one I called the Kat Von D).  The first wig I picked up off the shelf and tried on was a blonde wig and in a huge shocker none of the wigs after compared.  I even got compliments from others in the store about how natural it looked.  So the wig is super long with layers, down almost to the waist in the back and has bangs. And of course it is completely age appropriate.  When I showed my daughter the wig and decided to go to the store with it on she decided that I should pretend like I was the “very younger sister” of mommy and she named me Pia and decided to name my boyfriend Toter.  So Pia, Toter and their niece went to the mall and grocery store.  My daughter also instructed us that we had to adopt new voices to go with our new personas so I decided to do an 80’s valley girl/Clueless voice and Toter somehow sounded like Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.  So what I discovered is blondes get more attention from guys.  I had on no makeup and workout clothes and still got some pretty serious stares.  With my extensions (and from the Millionaire Matchmaker), I had already learned that guys like long hair. Now I know that it is true that Gentlemen prefer blondes.  Think of what I could do with makeup, a good outfit, the wig and my miracle bra.  World domination could be possible. As long as I don’t adopt the Pia persona.

There were two things that I had not done since my accident that I tried out on my recent vacation in the mountains; kayaking and hiking.  I own a kayak and had gone down the river some before the accident and really liked it.  So when I ended up at Lake Lure I decided it was time to kayak again.  I chose a two person kayak just in case I could not navigate and we went around the lake for two hours.  What I learned is that kayaking on the lake was no problem and as long as I was following someone else I would have even been fine alone.  The only problem is that I could not have made it back to the dock where we started if I would have been alone and gotten lost.  But since that is unlikely in a kayaking situation, especially on a river, I think I will be doing more kayaking in the future.

Hiking was another story.  I had some problems finding the trail heads and once in had to concentrate to see the trail markers.  So hiking alone, unless I am on a very familiar trail, is not a great idea.  Going up was not a problem at all on somewhat of a steep climb with some stairs but about three-fourths of the way up to the lookout point I looked back down the trail and realized I was going to have a tough time getting down. Going down a mountain had never been easy for me admittedly because I am a huge klutz with little balance. So, when you add visually impaired and no perception of depth it seems as if a fall was inevitable.  I was actually angry at myself for not realizing sooner that I was going to struggle to get back down, even though I know going down steps is almost three times as hard as getting up them. But for some reason I did not think this applied to trails in the mountains. I got back down, slowly and with only a few near falls, but it took every ounce of concentration I had.  What I learned is that I would have probably been OK on less steeper trails, but the more challenging ones, at least for now, are not an option.

What these experiences made me think about is that I really have no clue what I can and cannot do until I actually do them.  There is no way to predict whether I can handle myself or not or whether it will be risky or not.  So I tend to live my life testing my limits and most of the time I go into things with the attitude of “I can probably find a way to pull this off”.  And when I don’t, which is actually rare, I don’t get too disappointed, because I figure I can just do it when I get my sight back.  I have tried more new things and challenged myself more as a visually impaired person than I did as a sighted person and in a way I take more risks.  Living this way is really freeing and there is not much fear associated with new challenges, only the excitement of doing them. Testing your limits and not thinking about things, just doing them, is a way that everyone can choose to live. I have learned that it is true that all options are open and the only way to know if you can do something is to just do it with a positive attitude, giving it your best.  So that is what I will continue to do-test the limits and challenge myself every day.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

August 3, 2011- Volume 38: It's a Cruel Summer

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 38: It’s a Cruel Summer

This summer has been so challenging.  My daughter is going through a very rough patch and that has consumed most of my energy and my boyfriend’s mom has been in the hospital three times and is finally settled at a rehab center.    And the heat is unbearable as are my sinus problems.  I know I am bitching, but I can’t wait for this summer to be over and that is the focus of the blog.  But First…………….

My WTF of the week is the fact I pulled my back out of alignment trying to pick up my child during a temper tantrum (hers). My whole left side seized up so I went to get a massage.  For the first time ever the masseuse told me that my spine was off in two places and it felt like I was twisted and that I needed to see a chiropractor.  SO I called my friend Shelly who is a chiropractor and I am getting adjusted this week.  I am not sure if I will come out of there less twisted, but I sure hope my spine is aligned.

This week I can’t get enough of the fact that I can still ride a bike on my own.  This past weekend I took the bike off the trainer and rode a few miles around the neighborhood, following my boyfriend so I did not run into anything.  But I did do a loop on my own.  What I found is that without a visual point of reference it is hard to stay in a straight line. I was all over the place at first.  But when I picked a point to track with a bike in front of me I did a little better.  I will say that riding the bike on my own is not an option, but I can ride with a partner and that is pretty cool.  We also bought a tandem and are working on it.  It is going to have an awesome color scheme.

This summer has been very stressful.  There were health and medical issues that arose in June with my boyfriend’s mom and about the same time my daughter started having temper tantrums which have not stopped and have intensified over the summer (yes my super cute and endearing child has tantrums of epic proportions).  I feel I have done the best I can dealing with it because I check things out with my friends who are therapists and between that and my background I have the tools I need.  What I have found is that it takes every ounce of energy to employ those tools and to stay calm.  I will admit that I have locked myself in a room a few times and screamed and I have been hitting the punching bag more often.  I can say that I now see how some people lose control and spank or hit their kids.  And I appreciate all the patience it takes not to do that, especially when you are in hour three of the tantrum. If I drank I would have resorted to that by now.

My child is angry and that anger has little to do with me, I am just the safe target.  But I have to keep reminding myself of that so I don’t end of thinking I am a terrible parent. The truth is that I do the best I can and I do OK. If I start doubting my parenting it will not serve my child well. Believing you are doing and saying the right things to keep your child safe and stable is half the battle. Being consistent is the other half.  Parenting is not at all easy if you are doing it well.  Like a marriage or a relationship, it takes work.  Luckily I am a hard worker. And I am so glad I waited until my late 30’s to have a child, because I think I am a better parent because of wisdom and patience. I don’t think I had those 10 years ago.

I also know that parenting is a full time job and when your child is having a rough time your work and own life become secondary.  I have not focused on work much this summer because I have not been able to and I don’t feel bad or guilty about it because work is just work but helping your child is life. And I have not focused much on myself until recently when my body started breaking down because of the stress.  I need to be healthy to get through this so I am taking more breaks and getting more rest.

I know I am not the only parent that is sooooo ready for school to start.  And I am sure that I am not the only parent who needs a break from their child, which I am getting next week while she is at the beach with her dad.  So I and the blog will be on hiatus next week.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 27, 2011-Volume 37: A Year of Visual Impairment

The Adventures the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 37: A Year of Visual Impairment

This week I will deviate from my normal blog format to reflect about my first year as a person with a visual impairment.  July 24 marked a year from the date of my accident.  In that year much has happened, much has changed, but many things have remained the same.

I want to start out by thanking all the people that have assisted me and supported me throughout this year.  Thanks to my friends who set up the fundraising site so that I could keep a roof over our heads.  And of course those that contributed so generously to my fundraiser.  Without those monies I would have lost everything. Thanks to the Moms Club and others who brought in meals when I could not cook.  There are many friends who helped me clean, organize and maintain my house when I was almost completely blind and who spent hours with me just listening to me and supporting me in the transition.  Thanks to my family members like my parents who came to be with me and took care of me after my two operations.  During the year many people have provided transportation for us and included us in activities and that has been tremendously helpful.  I also want to thank those that come help me fix things or figure things out in my house when I can’t see enough to maintain my home.  Lastly, I want to thank the assistants who have helped me continue my business.

A year after my accident, my vision has not improved.  In the last few weeks it actually seems worse because my cornea in my left eye is still shifting.  But with the tools I have and some tricks I have learned I can fool most people into thinking I see normally.  My next steps are to see if my cornea can be reshaped so that it is round again and to keep on top of progress in the artificial retina and stem cell work to regrow the retina.  At some point in the future I will have normal vision again using one of these technologies.

During the course of the year I had good days and bad days and that has not changed, except that there are fewer bad days.  Every day brings a challenge of some sort and there are no easy days.  But I think that is the case for most people.  I try to do things despite the fact I can’t see very well. I have been successful at times—patching a leak in my water heater, fixing a toilet, finding my sunglasses in the ocean.   But then I do what I call blind girl things like throwing away important mail, wearing a shirt inside out or with stains and the latest, grinding up an expensive pocket knife in the garbage disposal.  But my hearing is better and I am more tuned in to what is around me and can be more present focused. I also have an uncanny sense of knowing where things are and can navigate using mental maps I create.

This year I also tried lots of new things.  I rock climbed, learned how to salsa, improved my voice, and am learning to play the drums. On the anniversary of my accident I drove a car for the first time since the accident.  I drove about 5 miles down country roads and what I found is that I can stay in the lane, see stop signs with plenty of time to stop, see cars coming and make turns.  Basically, if I had to in an emergency, I can drive. I will continue doing new things and still plan to run a 10K this fall and bike 40 miles on the tandem.  I also want to take modern dance.

I could have never predicted where I would be a year after my accident.  What is most surprising is that I found love and a life partner, and that I am rethinking my career.  What is most disappointing is the ongoing lack of independence from not being able to drive and the challenges it brings and the lack of consideration by others who don’t think to offer rides.   I also did not expect the accident to bring an ongoing battle with my ex and his new wife who constantly and consistently try to prove I cannot parent.  And since I have recently discovered that they are reading my blog I would like to say how sad it is that they cannot act adult enough to deal with me to address issues but attack me through my child and that they don’t acknowledge the damage they are doing.  I could also never have predicted how difficult and depressing the weeks leading to the anniversary would be and how sad and angry I still am.  Even though my eyes will not heal, I have much more healing to do and that will take a long time.

At the core, I am still the same Beth in both good and bad ways.  I am resourceful, persistent and creative. And I am also sometimes impatient and often forget to take care of myself.  What drives me and defines me is the same- those things have not changed because I am visually impaired.  At what is interesting is that I am so used to not being able to see (or see differently) that it is now my new normal.  And that is a normal I can and will live with and flourish in spite of until my vision returns.

So here is to my second year of visual impairment. I am hopeful I will continue to learn and grow and live my life according to my purpose and values. And to live with little fear and the faith to always move forward. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger.  So, I am stronger and will continue to get stronger (whatever that means).

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 22, 2011-Volume 36: The Mini Blog

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 36: The Mini Blog

This week I am writing a short blog as I have had my daughter at home with me all week.  I will talk some about my plans for the year anniversary of my accident, and those plans and the issues I have been dealing with as I approach the anniversary will be the focus of the next blog.

My WTF of the week is that my 17 year old cat, Bruni, has been diagnosed with a condition where she is now visually impaired and cannot see well without light.  So, I would like to welcome Bruni to the low vision club.  The vet had all these instructions about leaving on lights at night so she can navigate to use her litter box and get to her food. Naturally I understood her low vision needs and luckily since her mommy also does not navigate well in the dark, there are lights on already.  Her condition arises from old age and she is also having problems hearing. Overall it makes her more docile and somewhat funnier.

This week I can’t get enough of the drums.  I have begun my drum lessons and, according to my instructor, I am a natural. I have always wanted to play the drums so I am totally jazzed about finally learning.   My next step is to by a beginner set of electronic drums on which to practice.  I have to bring in some songs to learn and for some reason chose a Journey song and will probably do a Beck song like E-Pro, but I have a dream that one day I will be playing Rush and Metallica songs. And of course I will also be singing while playing the drums.

So this Sunday is the year anniversary of my accident and on that day I decided to do two things.  Those two things are the ones I have not been able to do in a year; drive a car and ride a bike. I will be doing these things on rural roads outside of Columbia so have no fear, you are not in danger. I plan to write all about my adventures in next week’s blog.

And I must admit that the approaching anniversary has been more difficult than I thought it would be.  In sum, I have been in a funk the past two weeks and I am not sure why.  Once I get past the anniversary I will reflect on it and write about it.  But it did catch me by surprise.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 6, 2011-Volume 35: The Advocacy Blog

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 35: The Advocacy Blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvdCLM1aK9U&feature=player_detailpage

Lately I have been helping my partner deal with his aging mother, who fell again last week, breaking several ribs and puncturing a lung. During the process of working with him to find a long term placement for her, I realized two things; that life keeps throwing us curve balls and that I am really good at hitting those.  By this I mean I seem to be good at dealing with crisis and at being an advocate who gets things done.  So lately I have thought about doing just that, becoming an advocate for the disabled and elderly.  I have been wondering about my next steps and these could be it, and that is the focus of the blog.  But first…………….

My WTF of the week is the insanity of the Build a Baer Workshop.  For five and a half years I have managed to avoid the place and convince my child there was no such thing. And by the way thanks to the six year old who recently told my daughter that there was not only a Disney World, but a Disneyland.  I had kept that one under wraps and am still pretending I had no idea these places existed.  So, somehow my child learns about the Build a Bear and makes a request to go there for her half birthday.  Thanks to my sister for instituting the half birthday concept, which even includes gifts.  So on the fourth of July we end up at the madness that is the Build a Bear, whose sole purpose is to make you part with as much money as is possible because your child insists on dressing and accessorizing a stuffed animal.  What I did not realize is that there are more than bears there-there are lots of animals from which to choose.  I was fond of one that for some reason smelled like chocolate, but Sadie picked a pretty cool white cat that had some glitter and hot pink accents.  After they stuff the animal, with your child's help because they push a foot pedal, they go through an elaborate ritual of having your child put a heart in the animal and then kiss it and make a wish. Then it’s off to give the animal, which of course has taken on human qualities, a bath which consists of things that look like faucets but are relay just blowers to get the extra fuzz off.  Before you give it a name and make the birth certificate, which makes it a real live person, they have tons, and I mean tons, of outfits and accessories for the animal.  At first Sadie picked out some Hawaiian costume with a lei. I was curious as to why a cat needed a lay.  I told Sadie all the cat needs is a litter box and some food and I was not sure why it needed the clothes, shoes headband and sunglasses.  She insisted the cat needed an outfit, so I have to admit I did get a little carried away when she picked out a super glittery sequined top, because the blind girl loves shiny things, so of course I had to find the perfect bottoms and them we decided she was a rock star so we needed a microphone and cool glasses.  At this point I was sucked in, making several wardrobe and accessory choices.  But I stopped short of her needing a hot pink glittery purse because what does a cat carry that makes a purse necessary. Sadie named her Lovina and we punched in the info for the certificate which probably also means we will get tons of solicitations and they will track us till the ends of the earth.  The total cost for said Lovina was $42. I think I actually gasped because I could have gotten us matching mother and daughter dresses at Target for that.  And at the point you are at the register you can’t really defrock or de-accessorize without causing trauma to your child. I vow to never return there.  But admittedly Lovina is a very cool and well-dressed cat.

This week I can’t get enough of the TLC series My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.  It is oddly mesmerizing.  The gypsies love hot pink on their nails and in their dresses and even as a color for their cars.  The amazing thing is the wedding and first communion dresses.  They are like 10 feet wide and one even had lights on it and butterflies.  And the gypsies love glitter and they spray tan their children.  One interesting thing is that the Irish Travelers (gypsies) live in trailers because big duh, they travel. But they don’t have bathrooms in the trailers because that is unsanitary and they use the bathroom outside.  Still trying to figure that one out.  Of course there are serious matters that gypsies face like discrimination and the UK government bulldozing their settlements, but let’s get back to the dresses and the large caravans and raucous partying after the ceremony.  I wish I could have seen the pageantry a little better, but I had my daughter providing commentary on all the fabulous fashions and she has decided her own wedding dress should be hot pick with blue lights and butterflies. How cool is that.  She also felt there was no problem with the younger sisters wearing matching wedding gowns or the fact the travellers get married at the ripe old age of 16.  Great!

It seems as though I have been helping people solve issues with the health care system lately and I seem to be good at it.  After my accident and having to navigate the system I thought about becoming an advocate for the blind, but did not pursue it.  Now I am in the position of helping to advocate again while at the same time my coaching clients are despairing.  I also have been consulting on health care initiatives.  So, as usual I am trying to figure out what all of this means for what I am supposed to be doing in my career.  And I have come to realize that I should begin focusing on being a health care coach and advocate for those with medical issues and disabilities. And that is what I am going to do.  I see my job as helping families set short and long term goals, work through problems, research interventions, resources and programs available and go to battle with them dealing with the government, hospitals, social workers, health care systems or whatever system they are trying to navigate.  I am good at fighting battles and I have found that I bring objectivity, compassion, empathy and experience to the issues families are facing.  Right now my goal is to do this for as low of a cost as I can bear, which is probably about 50 an hour.  But I am pretty efficient, so in 5 hours I could possibly accomplish what it would take some families weeks or months to get done.  Eventually, maybe if I wrote my book and make some money, I would like to offer my services for free.  This is my way of giving back and of sharing all I have learned about navigating systems as a consultant, as a patient and as a person with a disability. 

I have also realized that when you get to a place where you feel happy and content life keeps happening and bad things happen, even in the midst of all the good. That is what makes up life, the blend of small miracles and huge surprises and tragedies.  I am not sure than life would be interesting without this mix.  My experiences have made me a strong person who can stay centered and somewhat calm and level headed through the surprises and tragedies and for that I am so grateful.  So my calling may be to share this strength with others.  I am in the early stages of figuring it all out. But I am sure whatever I decide to do I will do it wholeheartedly and with integrity.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock