The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 45: Making the Choice to be in a Relationship
I am one of those people who are OK not being in a relationship. I am OK with myself and have enough interests and hobbies and things to occupy my time. I don’t feel that a relationship is something I need, although it is something I want. I have realized that being in a relationship becomes a daily, weekly, monthly choice. It is a choice to invest time, care and energy in another person. In past years being a relationship was more a need, a thing to fill a perceived void, and it led me to be with people I should have run screaming from. Now, being at a place where I am able to choose allows me to truly commit and continually examine my feelings and my investment, and that is a good and healthy thing, and is the focus of my blog. But first..............................
My WTF of the week is the fact that I have come close to being road kill several times by people running a stop light or a stop sign. What I would like to say to these drivers is that a stop sign is not optional. You actually have to come to a stop. If you were able to just roll through the thing it would say Yield and be yellow. And a red light also means come to a full stop. When the light is yellow and you are close enough that you can make it, I have no problem with a person gunning it. But if the light has turned red before you get to the intersection, you should be on the brakes. Also those lines that demarcate a crosswalk are there for a reason and when you stop your front end should be behind it, not over it. Be warned, if you do this I will kick your tire and give you a really dirty look as I have to maneuver around your clearly misplaced car. I now just assume no one is going to stop at the stop signs so I hold up and look and make sure there are no cars within three car lengths before I cross. And when I am crossing at lights I wait a few seconds after the light has turned red to make sure the cars are all braking or stopping then run fast across the street with the few seconds I have left. I, as a visually impaired pedestrian, should not have to do this much work to get around town safely. And then there is the problem that most of the places where I cross have no audible signals for the blind or visually impaired. Let’s get on the ball City of Columbia. Someone is going to get hurt out there.
This week I can’t get enough of laser hair removal. I have already had my first session and I did not think it hurt that much. The most disconcerting thing was the smell of burning hair. But you get used to that quickly. The laser machine has a cool blast of air to cool down the hot laser. It was interesting feeling the cool blast of air during the bikini area hair removal because I was hoping that the laser was not going anywhere near where I was feeling the air at times. After the session you have to drink lots of water so that you don’t get dehydrated, which leads to itching. So I drank copious amounts of water as to not embarrass myself by having to scratch certain areas. Do not be afraid of the laser, the pain is tolerable and it is your friend.
I am in an interesting place in my life where being in a relationship is a conscious choice where I am continually processing things like if I am getting my needs met, if the relationship feels reciprocal and if I am happy. These are important questions to ask, but you can only really ask these questions if you are willing to end a relationship if the answer is NO. And that means you have to be OK with being alone. Relationships, no matter how much you love someone, take work. They don’t just happen. And when you are OK and can be happy being alone, it is a choice you make to do the work. That choice depends on what you are putting in and what you are getting back. That choice depends on how much you feel energized by the relationship and if you are growing as a person. That choice depends on if you feel heard respected and can be your authentic self in the relationship. Having the ability to consider that choice is empowering and freeing, because you are doing what is truly right for you.
It took me a long time to get to this place. In earlier relationships I was not as OK with myself. I felt more of a need to be in a relationship and because I was not good with me I attracted people who were not really right for me. And I never felt as if I had a choice or that I was deciding if the relationship was good, I was content that I was in a relationship and happy that someone actually liked me enough to date or marry me. So I, like many others, stayed too long in relationships that were not healthy.
Now, being in a place of choice is comforting but also uncomfortable because it feels new. And I have my struggles. There are times when I wonder why a person, specifically, my boyfriend, would choose a single parent who is visually impaired. And I have to remind myself that we all have flaws and I have much more to bring to the table. As I have said before my visual impairment does not define who I am. So, now and for the last 5 months I daily, weekly and monthly choose to commit myself to my relationship and in that commitment I am fully accountable for my actions and fully present. And that is a good place to be.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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