April 17, 2013-Volume 80: All the Secrets Swallowed

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 80: All the Secrets Swallowed

This week’s blog features two of my poems. In these last months there are many secrets I have kept, things I cannot talk about. When I swallow secrets and stuff down emotions I get sick. And so, to be healthy I find a place to put those feelings and emotions; a place where they are safe and where the secret is protected. And that place, for me, is a song or poem, a sacred place where truth is revealed, but the secret is safe. And in that, for now, I am protected. 

During the rage days, a heavy haze obscuring truth

When there is pain and no words a hurt soul screams

The kicks and thrashes and spits and bites, the proof

Of a dark secret not shared, trying to unloose by any means

Protracted rage opens a Pandora’s Box of secrets spilled 

Pain of body and soul revealed; the guilty and her transgression named

Brave old soul, wise and wonderful, spirit that cannot be killed

Those tasked to provide protection point fingers her way to blame

The mother lion roars, moves to protect, swift into action

Boundaries set and broken, forced to face her abuser

Accountability for the accused denied, scapegoating sanctioned

The mother lion waits, stalks, and when she bites, you are the loser

And in this next poem, boundaries are again a theme.

Sickened from secrets swallowed, a seeker sacrificed

Paternalistic process to protect the guilty (like the pedophiles?)

Investigation of truth becomes interrogation of you

Protection picks apart personal relationships without your presence, permission

Verdict: Fascinating chocolate candy siren enjoyed too much

Memo: Mind-f*cking is not f*cking, just being screwed over

Is that chaste, she asks

Flint lights a fire to frustration, friendship, feelings, the Faith

Look at the light in my mirror, rearview, when the hot heat no longer blisters and burns

Pain dumped in this prose, disappointment dulled by distance and the dimming

Escape, with my faith intact.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock