July 11, 2012-Volume 73: Letting Go of the Outcome and Living in the Moment

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 73: Letting Go of the Outcome and Living in the Moment

As I said in the last blog, my last four blogs will focus on how I have changed in the two years since my accident and the key things on which I am working to live a fuller life.  The four things on which I have progressed, and on which I continue to work are getting rid of fear, letting go and not worrying about the outcomes, trusting in God and the Universe and living my unlived life by letting my inner voice guide me.  In this blog I talk about how I am learning to let things go and to not get caught up in the end result. This was particularly challenging for someone who had consulted in outcomes evaluation and strategic planning for 15 years. How my mindset has changed is the focus of this blog. But first……………

My WTF of the week is how bad things happen in three’s (and maybe even four’s and five’s). It seems as if a cloud of negative energy has been hovering over my house for the past two weeks, causing crazy stuff and accidents to happen.  There was the Ped E Cab Trifecta of a broken seat belt, a pedal falling off in a major intersection and the charger not working. There was another crazy hate e-mail. Four lights in the house that require me to climb up a big ladder went out in two days.  There was the trying to curl my hair too quickly curling iron drop that resulted in a large burn on my leg.  And the best was the massive hair extension knot that occurred while I was swimming. Let’s just say it involved almost all my hair and took 6 hours to get out. What the heck is going on? Does this happen to anyone else?  I am doing my affirmations to dispel the negative energy. I may need to smudge.

This week I can’t get enough of the Baha’i Faith.  Years ago, after I did my own comparative religion study by reading books on both western and eastern faiths, I decided my beliefs aligned closely with the Baha’i faith. I looked up the groups that met and then, interestingly, did nothing. A few months later I found myself back at or in the safety of what I knew, the Catholic mass. But that stint did not last long. I was reminded about the Baha’i faith as I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN (which you should be watching too). Oprah was talking to Rain Phoenix front The Office about his project Soul Pancake (which you should also check out). He is a Baha’i and was talking about his faith and said some awesome things like creativity is a form of prayer and how in the faith everyone and all religions and perspectives are accepted. So, even though I am not supposed to talk about religion, I am. Soon I will be saying, “Hi, I’m Baha’i:

I used to hold things tightly, to be driven and oriented toward making things happen.  I used to get anxious when I could not control things or get things right. Those things made me driven, on the one hand, but stressed on the other. I also did not handle loss well. There was a lot of self-flagellation when things did not go my way or turn out as I expected. That is who I was before the accident. In sum, a person who at times felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. But when the randomness of the accident occurred and in the aftermath so many people did not act like I expected and things did not go at all like I thought they would or should, I realized I cannot predict or control anything.  With my expectations and my plans completely shot, I had two choices; give up all control and let it go or drown in “what if’s”, remorse and regrets.

For the past two years I have been working on letting things go. First what this meant was realizing how little of life was in my control and how little I could know about what others thought of me or impact how they acted toward me. The letting go was of not only control and the feeling I could have an impact on other people's perceptions or behaviors; it was also a letting go of anger and forgiving others.  I have talked about forgiveness in past blogs and it has been a theme for me.  It all started with forgiving myself for causing the accident, I was the one that rigged the bands that knocked out my vision and it was an act of stupidity.  If I could not have forgiven myself for that, I would not be where I am. And if I could do that then I could forgive anyone. Letting go also meant letting go of who I was in the past and what I could do. The dreams and plans I had which in part relied on my ability to be a sighed person were no longer a possibility and I had to let go of those goals and create a new reality for myself and in that new reality, new expectations and new dreams. My new reality has just become reality and in this reality I don't focus much on the future or on how things will turn out.  Mostly because I have learned despite my best efforts and past notions that was somewhat of an intuit that I have no clue what will happen in the next month or week or day. And because I cannot predict, I do not live and act with the thought of how will this all turn out.  It’s a waste of my energy and time, and it is also freeing.

Letting go of the outcome means I try and focus on listening to my inner voice guiding me to do what I think I need to be doing in the present to best fulfill my mission in life and Gods’ plan for me.  I have things I want to do, of course, like write a book, but I am more interested in the process of the writing and don’t think much about what it will be or if it will get published or reach an audience. I am like this in my work life, I find myself not planning events ahead or thinking about marketing or coming up with a new way to draw in clients. My focus is just on putting out good stuff and working with my clients as best and authentically as I can.

Letting go has made me feel lighter. I know most of what other people do or think has nothing to do with me, that I really can't change people (especially those closest to me) and that there is no point in having an expectation or illusion of how things turn out, because that typically leads to disappointment. I have given up living in a world of illusion, which is a focus of A Course in Miracles, and have chosen to live in reality and to try and let that reality unfold and be revealed to me. I am neither the center of the universe nor master of the universe; I put my trust in God because that is his/her job. Because of all this, the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. And it feels awesome.

Two blogs left. Next week more talk on trusting in God and the Universe.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 27, 2012-Volume 72: Kicking Fear in the Ass

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 72: Kicking Fear in the Ass

As I thought about ending the blog and what I would write in these last 4 entries, I began to reflect on how I had changed in the two years since my accident and the key things on which I am working to live a fuller life. I came up with four key themes and each blog will address one of those and how I have changed.  The four things on which I have progressed, and on which I continue to work are getting rid of fear, letting go and not worrying about the outcomes, trusting in God and the Universe and living my unlived life by letting my inner voice guide me.  In this blog I talk about how my ways of facing my fears has evolved and how the fears have abated.  But first……………

My WTF of the week is the attire that is now worn when going out on the town, to places like bars and clubs.  I am talking specifically about what women are wearing, are actually, not wearing. When I was out this weekend I realized I did not get the memo about barely covering your butt and boobs and wearing super high heels. Basically, what I call streetwalker wear, which I guess is the new chic. I saw so many short skirts and dresses and kept wondering how they even slightly bend over without showing the goods. I mean, what happens if you drop something. Actually everything is so tight they really can’t bend over anyway (well not until way later in the evening). There were also many low, barely there tops. I thought why go through the trouble, just get some of those round Band-Aids and you are good to go.  Women of all shapes and sizes (and ages) were stuffed and I do mean stuffed into these unattractive outfits. These are the moments in life when I am glad to be visually impaired. I have figured out why I do not get approached when I go out-I am wearing too much clothing (damn my self-respect).  So I thought, I could have just put on a little bandeau top and also put one around the bottom to cover the privates (barely). A Bandeau is basically a tube top gathered in the middle. I came up with a saying “Bandeau, Bandeau, and I’m ready to go”. Which then brings me to…..

This week I can’t get enough of the fact that much too early in the morning (let’s just say about 2:30 am) I wrote a song that went with the above saying. I would normally not suggest songwriting at this time of night because the lyrics were a little crazy and really explicit (as they should be).  Of course it is a rap song and it is not done yet.  I envision it in the satire of the Andy Samberg songs on SNL, although nothing can ever, ever touch D**k in a Box.  But in a way it could also become a huge hit (not).  Disclaimer: if you are easily offended, skip to the more mature sections of the blog. Also note there are even more explicit lyrics that I am not including here. All opinions expressed are solely that of the author. This song is in no way indicative of the other songs I have written, really and truly.

With my side boob rocking and my booty hanging low

Bandeau, Bandeau and I'm ready to go

With my high heels clicking like a streetwalkin' ho

Bandeau, Bandeau and I'm ready to go

Push it up, pull it in, I don't need to hit the gym

Bandeau, bandeau and I'm ready to go

You can grope me, grind me, get on up behind me

No please, I'm a tease; I don’t get down on my knees

No card, no cash, drinking all night for free

Bandeau, Bandeau and I’m ready to go

So the fact that I put my rap in this blog demonstrates that I have worked very hard these past two years to overcome fear.  I had fears of failure, fears about how I was perceived and especially, fears about abandonment.  I felt a need to be in control and when I felt out of control my fears made me physically ill.  I had begun facing my fears before the accident, after failed relationships and the birth of my child. I think in some ways having a child can make you really scared, but also causes you to try and get a hold of those feelings. Then the accident happened; an event so random and so out of my control. Then the financial burden and custody battle that happened immediately after, coupled with not knowing how much sight I would have, converged into a list of unbelievable unknowns and uncertainties. These took me to a place, really a decision point, where I could give up, lie down and end it all, or I could let go and realize that nothing was in my control and I had everything to lose, but nothing to fear. I did the latter.

The core of my fears stemmed from something with which we all struggle-the feeling we may be unlovable and if people really knew us and really saw us they would not like us and would leave. I had that fear, in spades. It caused me to feel insecure in relationships and lonely and scared when not in relationships.   I can say that almost all of that is gone. To choose to live in a new way and figure out how to accept my disabled self, I had to really love myself. And in doing that and realizing that I was a loveable person who deserved to have a loving partner, I felt good in the spaces, the long spaces now, where I am alone. And being alone is now confortable because I always have me and always have my connection to God.  In truth I can never be abandoned.

I also felt a fear of failure and somewhat of disappointing others and lived my life as sort of a perfectionist. The need for control stemmed from a need not to fail and to do the best. That is also mostly, if not all, gone.  The accident got rid if much of that.  In that second where my life changed, I realized there is nothing in life in your control and you NEVER know what will happen next. And in my lack of ability or in my different ability there was absolutely no way to be perfect, so I gave up trying to be. There was and only has been a way to figure out how to do things the only way I can, and sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed, but I always try and my attempts are creative at their best and pathetic at their worst.  It is in the trying that I find joy and a sense of accomplishment.

Am I fearless now---no, and I never will be, but I do not face the overwhelming fear that blocked me from living my life in the ways I wanted. I think about, but do not fear, not being able to find a stable loving partner, given my life. I have the natural fears and worries that go along with being a parent. I think about finances and how I will make it.  But I know that I have everything I need, all the tools, all the gifts, to be able to be successful and the power to look for the clues that lead me to define what success means to me.  Because of the accident and the resulting physical state of blindness, I have more sight and vision about the way the world works through the realization that nothing is in my control, I have strength and power, I am loveable and deserving of love, and I have what I need to succeed. Those are things I did not see before I became visually impaired. Most importantly I have learned that the statement “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” is one of the truest things I know.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 20, 2012-Volume 71: I Woke Up with a Song in my Head and Now Have an EP

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 71: I Woke Up with a Song in my Head and Now Have an EP

About nine days ago I woke up with an idea for a song that formed quickly with lyrics and a melody. Since then I have written three more songs and have been living with them in my head and singing them.  I have no clue where they came from or if there are any more. My sudden and unexpected foray into song writing is the focus of this blog. But first……….

My WTF of the week is that there is hair returning after 7 rounds of laser hair removal. I thought the point of laser hair removal was that it is permanent. That is where I was wrong. I could not see, but started to suspect (by feel), that there were some hairs growing back, albeit thin and sparse. Then there was an unfortunate bikini incident which confirmed the presence of hair where there should be no hair. Should I have asked for the kind of hairy Sicilian package, which may have included more sessions? My next step was to use the epilator (that instrument of torture that rips out your hair like a million tweezers) on areas where no one and I mean no one should attempt to use an epilator, no matter what the sensitive area attachment and instructions say. So now I am checking for hairs, which are too thin and sparse for me to see, but which others can easily see, through placing my zoom camera on these areas-not for the faint of heart. This is too much work for me. So, I will now figure out how many more laser sessions I will have to do until the hair is actually permanently gone.

This week I can’t get enough of the NYC Housewives. I am unabashedly a huge fan of the NYC version as it is superior to the rest of the housewives. I like the three new women on the show. I love Aviva because she has a wonderful sense of humor about her fake leg. She brought an extra leg (a tanned one) to get a pedicure and has had some great lines like “my one leg is freezing”. I also love the morose Heather who loves to talk about her “issues”, as Ramona puts it. We are at episode three and I think I have heard about her son’s liver failure 25 times-way to milk it Bravo. And Carol is a shameless flirt who does not want to do commitment so I love her.  I wish I had her balls when it comes to approaching men. And this season Sonja just seems drunk all the time and Ramona has the crazy eyes look and strange tangential thought patterns. Luanne, who is my style hero and I may also rock her haircut in the near future, is so full of herself as always. I am looking forward to a great season as the New Jersey and OC Housewives have almost become unwatchable.

One of the main goals I had this summer was to begin reading through all the blogs I had written and turning them into a book. Having managed to avoid this task in May, I figured June was the month the book process would begin. But when I started thinking about the book I somehow could not muster up the energy to go through the old blogs. I thought I may just not have a book in me or maybe I am not really creative. In the midst of all this came the songs. They came after seeing some live music and hanging out with some singer/songwriters in Asheville, so maybe that is what inspired me. I had no plans to write songs, I just woke up one morning and the better part of a song with a melody was just there in my head. Half asleep I continued to write words and when I got up I made the decision to write them down. And there was a song. Interestingly it was kind of a country song.

I have written songs before, mostly in my 20’s. They were all angry chick songs and I likened myself to be the next Courtney Love or Kathleen Hanna or Kim Gordon. I rarely wrote the songs down. Pieces of them just came and went and seemed to make little sense later. I deemed them immature and amateurish. I even tried to learn to play the guitar so I could strum along with the songs. But that was just too much work.  So the song writing stopped as I got more mature and more responsibilities came my way.  That is, until now.

Once I wrote the first song another one came in the same day and by the third day I had three songs. A fourth came a few days later and when I wrote it down a fifth began to appear.  It is interesting that my songs sound country and folky because I do not like country music. The lyrics are simple and straightforward because I think and talk that way. They are brutally honest. I may have to write under a pseudonym so I still have friends and family who will speak to me.  So what do I do with these songs? Since I can’t read or play music (unless you consider playing the drums badly playing music) I need musicians to help me turn the lyrics and their melodies into a structure that makes a song. You know the verse chorus verse thing. I am not sure why I am making the effort now to do something with my songs. When I sing them I think to myself crazy stuff like, “I could hear Faith Hill singing this”. They actually seem like decent songs and not just angry immature crap. And I could be wrong. When I share them with other singer/songwriters, which I will be doing, they may think they are crap and also that I have no business singing. But I plan to sing my songs at an open mike in the near future and I am ready for the feedback. At this age, in this unplanned and unexpected adventure, what do I have to lose? I have everything to gain.

I think I should be thankful that, for some reason, the songs came to me. And I still plan to write the book. Maybe that will just come to me too. What I have realized, and probably have been preaching for months, is that it is never too late to do anything and sometimes you just have to go for it. To some it makes me seem scattered or all over the place. But to me it makes me feel open to new experiences and willing to take risks. What happens or does not happen with these songs will be fun to do and to watch.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 13, 2012-Volume 70: Girls Just Want to Have Fun (on their birthdays)

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 70: Girls Just Want to Have Fun (on their birthdays)

This year I took a much needed vacation on my birthday week. Originally this was supposed to be the Costa Rica Chickation (note that the OC Housewives took a trip this season to Costa Rica, which mas entirely my idea). So instead of Costa Rica I went to North Carolina (Asheville and Charlotte), to hang out with old friends and possibly meet new ones. I had a great time and realized I can still party and relax.  So, forgoing the usual blog format, below is a list of stuff one should do on a birthday vacation (at least this is a condensed version of what I did).

1)    Convince a childhood friend to go with you to someplace beautiful, Asheville, and stay at the best place there, The Grove Park Inn, just to be indulgent. Then spend a day at the Grove Park Inn Spa. It is amazing how many hours you can spend in the wet and dry saunas, going from the hot whirlpool into the cold dip poll (tingly) and relaxing in the eucalyptus room (which I am trying to recreate in my home). Then there are the many indoor and outdoor pools. I managed to get a tan, float while listening to relaxing underwater music and have jets and sheets of water hit all parts of my body mimicking deep tissue massage. And of course I had to get in a bit of exercise and swam 35 laps in the lap pool, which no one else was doing. But for me, swimming is relaxing. We were there about 7 hours with no phones or distractions or worries or cares.

2)    Eat some good food like the fried green tomatoes at Tupelo Honey, the fantastically huge shrimp at the Grove Park Inn, the super fresh sushi at Wasabi (where I drank my first cold sake), Turkish food around midnight at Intermezzo in Charlotte, and an awesome home cooked meal at the Gittings home. . We ate well and clean for the most part and no one had to cook.

3)    Shop for something awesome. I did some vintage shopping and bought a great long Carol Brady polyester skirt. I love the late 60’s look, so the skirt was a score. Having fun is trying on outrageous things and somehow thinking that you could rock them. A few days later I bought a super sexy dress from Bebe that I plan to wear on special occasions (with high heels).

4)    Listen to some great music and dance. At the Orange Peel we saw too fabulous but very different acts. A punk mariachi band called Mariachi Del Bronx and a group called the Tune Yards. The lead person in the Tune Yards sings over her own loops while playing percussion-mostly a base and snare drum. This gave me some ideas so there may be experimental music going on in my garage with the electronic drum set. Check them both out. You can do some good salsa moves to the Mariachi and some classic rave twirls to the Tune Yards. And of course the orange Peel in Asheville is a stellar place to hear bands and watch people.

5)    End up at an interesting Tiki Bar where you could not predict what will happen. We witnessed an almost fight which turned into a Bromance in less than 10 minutes (oh the joys of alcohol and the complexity of the male species) and met some singer/songwriters that had come over from a gig around the block. Part of my birthday present was having a conversation with a smart, no BS and passionate about his music singer/songwriter that you should definitely check out named Shane Cooley. I did not hear him play but when I got back and listened to his music and watched his videos I found that he was super talented and makes great music.

6)    Go for some perks using your birthday as an excuse. We managed to get a free indulgent buffet breakfast because an alarm went off at 2am the first night at the hotel and ruined my birthday (not really, but this was the speech my mom calling as her travel agent self  gave to the hotel to score us the breakfast). Being that several drinks were consumed the night before and someone was up until what seems like 5am there was not as much gusto and overeating that usually occurs at buffets, especially those that are free. But the food was good.

7)    Extend your birthday into a birthday week and hang out with longtime friends in Charlotte.  We did both the family stuff at a cookout and the going out stuff in NODA. That night we ended up at a pool hall/karaoke bar with some barely tolerable singers. I really wanted to do karaoke as it is on the bucket list and I was all ready to take the mike. But the book of songs was lengthy and I realized I would have to pick a song to which I knew all the lyrics because I could not see the screen with the words. Now, that was a challenged and we tried to devise ways to have someone feed me the lyrics when I got stuck but could not find a way to make it work (mostly because it was almost 2am and our brains were not so sharp). It was almost last call so alas the search for a song ended and no karaoke for me. If they would have had what I am currently singing in home karaoke, like Video Games by Lana Del Ray or Last Day of Magic by the Kills or Terrible Love by the Nationals I would have been up there. Next time I am there I am doing We Belong by Pat Benatar.

8)    Have some unexpected bizarre events happen. I had a weird out of town run in in a bar with someone-in this case the ex-wife of an ex-boyfriend.  I got into at least one late night crazy argument with my soul mate who has been connected to me in several past lives that ended up with an I just want to punch you moment and what are we trying to work out here. Them I missed a step at a pool and twisted my ankle while being surrounded by surgically enhanced 20sonethings in string bikinis. And I had at least one conversation discussing past lives astrals and avatars. These are the things that make life interesting.

So what did I learn here, when I reflect on the week. First, I have great friends. Thanks to Leonore, Amy and Rusty (who drove 4 hours from the beach to meet me in Charlotte). I found I like to kick back and have a good time and have some adventures. For a week I get to step out of my role as single mom, business owner and somewhat upstanding member of the community to be the other parts of myself which are fun and free. And I could have pushed it more. There was definitely one adventure I backed out of, regretfully. But I like being in places where no one knows me and there are no cameras recording what I am doing because I do want to be in some kind of politics later in life and don’t need skeletons in the closet. The week also reinforced that I need to commit to planning adventures (as much as you can do that) or just times to let loose and have fun into each week. The week convinced me, a person often described as unapproachable, that the right people with the energy I am looking for will want to hang out or talk or be with me in general.

Half my life is probably over, but I still feel really young and vibrant and energetic.  I think fun, freedom, creativity, and taking risks in a kind of “oh, what the hell” attitude keep me that way. Age is a number and that is about all it is. And there is nothing more powerful than being young at heart and open to new experiences, while having the wisdom, self-awareness and confidence that come with age.

Party On and Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 23, 2012-Volume 69: What Else Should I Be, All Apologies

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 69: What Else Should I Be, All Apologies

Recently I decided that I may have acted badly during the months of January through April. Lots of stressful stuff was happening and I was, at times, not handling things well. So the universe gave me some signs and one night, rather late, I started writing apology e-mails.  What got me there and what I learned is the focus of this blog.  But first………….

My WTF of the week is the commercials that are really porn-oriented. And by this I mean they are filled with overt sexual overtones.  The KY ads are just plain stupid and it worries me that the implication is that couples need all these aids to make time for sex.  There is a thing called skill. My guess is that men who are not getting much come up with these gems. Then there are the commercials that are filled with sexual innuendo. My favorite of the moment is the Liquid Plummer Double Penetration commercial. Please tell me you have seen this one where the two buff men pose on either side of a woman and there is a line that says something about a long snake penetrating deeply. The narrator has a deep Barry White voice and there is some sexy music (the type you may put on for an evening of fun at home) in the background.  OMG these ad men are watching too much adult programming. Or maybe I am wrong and women are coming up with these commercials (doubtful).

This week I can’t get enough of memory foam mattresses.  While shopping for a mattress for my daughter, I was tempted to try out the memory foam mattresses. Soon I was lying on every memory foam mattress there was.  Like Goldilocks I had to try them all and decide if it was too soft or too hard or just right. I decided the firm Temperpedic memory foam is the best mattress ever. When I tried it out it automatically conformed to my body. I did not want to get up, ever and I thought how do people get out of bed every day if this is the bed on which they are sleeping. I would be in the bed floating on a foamy cushion of total comfort as much as possible.  It reminded me how inferior my current mattress is and how could I have wasted so much of my life sleeping on a bed without this memory foam. I was blown away by the cost, however which quickly ended my hopes and dreams for being able to sleep on the memory foam mattress. Basically, they are the price of a used car or a really nice vacation. So I developed a theory of why people with money are successful and can be even more successful, it is because they can afford a memory foam mattress and are getting the benefits of much better sleep. With quality sleep, they are more energetic and their minds are sharper and process things more efficiently and they are generally in a better mood. The rest of us mere mortals don’t stand a chance, unless we can finance one of these mattresses and pay on it for years to ensure a quality sleep experience.  One day, one day, it will be mine.

So the universe recently gave me a few signs that maybe I was not being my best self the first quarter of the year. I had a string of events pile up that were out of my control and as a result was under a great deal of stress. Sometimes, I do well under stress and sometimes I hit the wall. At some point I must have hit the wall because I noticed I was holding onto a lot of anger and negative energy. I have done the work to get that all cleared out and am in a better place. But in looking back, which I admit to not doing so much, I realized I may have been a difficult person with which to engage. Let’s just say I was being a little bitchy at times. So, one night it came upon me that there were a handful of people that had disappeared from my life and I decided the bitchy thing may have been the reason why. I felt a need to apologize so I began writing apology e-mails.  I felt lighter and better when I did this and I hoped I had mended some bridges.

Interestingly enough, only one of the people to whom I apologized actually had a problem with something I did. The rest were surprised that I felt the need to apologize and said I had done nothing to hurt or offend them and did not need to apologize. This was news to me. Maybe I can hold things back and fake it better than I thought; maybe I am not so bitchy after all. The act of sending the apologies, whether they needed to be said or not, was the important thing to me. What I realized is that I really do not want to do anything to offend or hurt people in any way. And I strive to be a good person. I work on forgiveness all the time and I think I hope that others can forgive me and also be honest enough to tell me when I have done something to upset them. This open communication is important and I don’t think you can have authentic relationships without it.

So, in the final analysis I come back to my desire to live authentically and to have authentic relationships with people who also live authentically. It is a theme that keeps repeating and getting more important as I get older. I am learning I have little tolerance for BS or drama, even though it sometimes lands in my lap. I have learned to try and self-monitor, admit when I am angry or sad or resentful and own those feelings and most importantly, have enough respect for people and friendships so as to not damage them by my behavior.  And if I can do that, and apologize when I need or (or even when I don’t) I am doing right by myself.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 9, 2012-Volume 68: An Ode to my Ped E Cab

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 68: An Ode to my Ped E Cab

This week I am dispensing with my normal blog format to gush over my new Ped E Cab Electric Tricycle. But next week get ready for a blog about me waking up in the middle of the night sending out apology letters to tons of people. But back to the Ped E Cab.  Her name is Polly Persephone the Pink Ped E Cab. Polly was Sadie’s choice, Persephone was mine. She is hot pink and I have included pictures to show how magnificent she is.  Note the awesome details.  The front lights look kike an owl and butterflies. The side reflectors are the yin and yang symbol and there are cool wave like swirls under the front seat. She was made in Southern California so that makes her rad.

Polly Persephone is not only stylish and cool, she is practical and green. She has a rechargeable battery that can go 25 to 30 miles on one charge. She can obtain speeds of 15 to 20 miles per hour. She is the size of a regular tricycle, so I can ride on the street or on the sidewalks. And it can be pedaled so it is classified as a bike. No need for insurance or a pesky license. As you can see it has a moped look so it has a cool horn, turn signals, brake lights and head and tail lights so that you could ride at night (which I won’t be doing.  I also bought a canopy so we can ride it rain or shine. And the back seat has a seatbelt and lifts up for storage so I can go grocery shopping or make a Target run. No more days where I am jonesing for chocolate and can’t get a fix.

Thus far the Ped E Cab is a big hit. We have been stopped many times so people can ask us what it is, what it does and where can they get one. We get lots of waves and thumbs ups and have heard people calling out “that is cool”, which makes us feel like rock stars. I have a plan to do the first episode of Pimp my Trike. I want to make it super flashy with silver streamers and cool decals, but my child is anti-stickers. Go figure, I want the glitz and she wants it simple. When did she become sticker aversive? I think I can at least get the streamers on without much protest.  

The main thing the Ped E Cab has given me is more independence and freedom. I took my child to school, and we went to the grocery store, to eat at a restaurant and to get mani/pedis. Just she and I, without a driver, and that freedom was priceless. In addition she loves to ride in the cab seat, throwing up her hands and yelling “faster mommy, faster”. She is definitely my child.  And it makes me feel sassy and young. The other day I wore pigtails while riding it, sporting my helmet with flowers and pink straps.

I am starting a Ped E Cab revolution. Everyone should get one who lives in town. We could have Ped E cab rides and rallies and a Ped E Cab accoutrements swap. A girl can dream. For now, I am on my Ped E cab every day, feeling free and taking in the sights. If you see me or us, give us a shout out!

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 2, 2012-Volume 67: Is Freedom just another word for nothing left to lose?

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOI) Girl: Volume 67: Is Freedom just another word for nothing left to lose?

I am a stable, organized person who is responsible and somewhat of a risk taker. Lately, I have been wondering, however, if I am free in the sense of being able to let go, have a good time, and do things I want to do, not just what I have to do. At times I envy those that can just go out during the week, or take a vacation, or buy something extravagant, or drive a car. Not because those things would make me happy, but it is those things that would make me feel more free. The concept of feeling free is the focus of this blog. But first…………

My WTF of the week is the fact that I received the absolute meanest, most vicious e-mail ever from a person I do not know and have only spoken to twice in a professional matter.  I have to put some of the quotes so you can get a sense of the level of nastiness. Please note I did not correct spelling or grammatical errors.  “I guess some people think everything is owed to them and appreciate nothing. I cant imagine what you teach people through life by design. I can only hope its not through example”. Another good one-“It seems in that circle they have come to expect that sort of behavior from you. Always the agressor, yet always the victim.” And the best one- “What a sad person you must be”. There were lots more than just these nuggets. At first my reaction was shock, and then I cried. But by the third time I read it I realized it was absurd to get upset at a clearly angry individual who knows nothing of me but could take the time and energy to write the e-mail. All I have to say is that I forgive you and sometimes medication is a good thing.

This week I can’t get enough of the OWN channel (otherwise known as the Oprah Winfrey Network). I watched OWN for the first time this past Sunday, as I do not watch much TV (well other than Mad Men and Bravo). Luckily I was watching Super Soul Sunday and they had some awesome shows. She was interviewing Deepak Chopra in India and he was just throwing out one awesome quote after another. They had a great show on Bishop TD jakes and of course a Tony Robbins Lifeclass. At night I watched the Oprah in India special. Everything I watched was so compelling and relevant to what I do. The LifeClass series is awesome. The free advice and wisdom is just being thrown out every minute. On one show one of her experts said, about relationships. “when you see crazy coming, cross the street”. I am totally using that one in coaching. I could easily become a fan of the channel and I do think everyone should check it out, especially the Lifeclass series and the Master Class series. Really good stuff.

As a single mom and a business owner I have lots of responsibilities and not a lot of time. In addition, because I cannot drive, it limits where I can go and when. So at times I feel trapped, in my house or in my circumstance. Part of getting some freedom was getting the motorized tricycle.   That gives me the freedom to go places when I just feel like it. But I was also thinking about how to get a sense of freedom in the midst of obligations. A friend told me that freedom is all in your mind. I think part of freedom is having the ability to choose or as I tell my clients to be in a place of choice. This means recognizing what is in your control and not in your control. So freedom means recognizing what you can control, looking at options and taking action. And that is what I try to do, so in that I am free. Freedom also means feeling you have the right and ability to be, act and do. That means seeing possibilities and that they are open and available to me, basically the belief that “I can do that or try that”.  And in that I am free. Freedom also means having a sense of fun and joy. For me this means that I can go out and dance and sing sometimes. Right now I am not doing those things, so I have decided tis start dancing again and maybe singing because this makes me feel happy and creative, and in that I feel free. Madonna says “only when I'm dancing do I feel this free” and I think there is truth to that.

So, when I really thought about freedom and what it means, I realized that I am free. Maybe I thought freedom meant having no responsibilities, or having everything available and in your control. But that is not freedom. And freedom probably means different things to different people. So I think when we feel overwhelmed, or constrained or even stuck I think we should consider what makes us feel free and to first free our minds. “Free your mind and the rest will follow”, Salt and Pepper sing. And they are right. Being free in your mind, being open to possibility, being able to see yourself in new roles and ways of being and doing, and being in a place of choice, even amongst obligation, makes us free.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlok