December 21, 2011-Volume 54: Is There a Book in all This?

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 54:  Is There a Book in all This?

This week I have been thinking, as I write my last blog of 2011, about turning these blogs into a book.  When I began writing my blog over a year ago I told myself I would write until the end of 2011 and then see what I had.  So now do I know what I have and if there is a book hiding somewhere in these weekly musings? That is the focus of my blog this week.  But first…………..

My WTF of the week is all the videos of that dancing robot chicken thing called Keepon.  My daughter loves this dancing chicken and I will admit it is cute.  But the original video of the Keepon is of the Keepon Pro that was developed and is used with autistic, Asperger’s and other kids with social and motor issues.  The mass produced Keepon available for just under $40 is obviously not going to perform as well as the one that is made specifically for use in therapeutic settings.  So the crazy thing is all the YouTube videos of people sitting their Keepon in front of a computer to see if it performs the same as the one in the original video.  Obviously it is not the same version so it is not going to perform the same. But there is something else that drives me nuts and that is the fact that they are putting the Keepon in front of a laptop computer and turning the volume up so that the sound is super distorted. The Keepon does not have a chance because it can’t hear the rhythm or baseline.  I have experience in dancing objects because I had a dancing palm tree in the 80’s.  And what I learned is that you had to put it on top of an audio speaker so it could feel the vibrations and pick up the sound. Problem is that no one seems to know what an audio speaker is anymore. The speakers in your computer or even the computer speakers you attach are not real audio old school speakers.  So that poor Keepon had no chance of doing his little dance. Unless he comes to my house where I have real speakers and an amp!

This week I can’t get enough of my new super sunglasses.  After losing my last super sunglasses, I broke down to buy a new pair because having quality sunglasses that are polarized and shatterproof are essential for those of us with blown pupils and retinal damage. This time I went with Maui Jin’s because they are the only company that has an anti-glare coating on the inside of the lens to prevent bounce back from sun coming in behind you.  My sunglasses are called shields because the lens is one big piece.  I thought they looked like glasses you would wear skiing, but was told they were actually trendy. My boyfriend actually said he saw one of the guys from the Black Eyed Peas wearing them.  Good enough for me. The sunglasses have a bronze lens for cloudy days and twilight and sunrise and they are awesome.  All those patents Maui Jin owns to make their super sunglasses also make them super expensive. So I asked every one of my family to contribute to the super sunglasses fund as my Christmas present. My hope is that I come somewhat close to breaking even. All I know is that the case had a clip on it and I may keep them attached to me at all times or put a microchip in them so that I can track via GPS along with a warning label that tells people I can find my glasses anywhere and will hunt them down.

After my accident I set out to write a book and ended up writing a blog. I did not know how long I would write or even why I was writing but I found it cathartic. Making the blogs into some kind of book had always been the plan but I never let it affect what I was writing.  Now, with 54 blogs and over 160 pages of writing I am wondering what I have and how it could be a book. So I will ask you, the reader, for feedback.

Here is what I am wondering.  Have I told enough of my story of the accident and the aftermath or is it unclear?  Do you need to know more about my life before the accident or have I eluded enough to that? Should I weave in my coaching type advice as I work out the chapters? I wonder what anyone would get out of reading the book-what is the main theme or message. Is it how to adapt to change and stay positive and resilient or is it how to deal with big life changes or is a story of adapting to a new disability or is it all that?

I am also wondering if I can really write this book without any background in writing or any real skill. I am of the mindset that I am going to need a ghostwriter to help me piece things together.  I think whoever that ghostwriter is should have some creative writing or journalism experience as well as a sense of humor and the ability to put up with me.

Many have suggested self-publishing. The thing to do these days is to write a book as a conduit to growing your business.  To me self-publishing seems like the Little Leagues. I am not publishing the book to grow my business, although that would be nice. I am writing a book because I think I may have an interesting and inspirational story and if that gets me on some major talk shows, so be it. I want to send my book to publishers and have a real publishing house publish it so you can buy it at Amazon or see it in a Barnes and Noble. It could be a small publisher, but self-publishing is just not an option. Maybe I am a dreamer but it is good to aim high. Really I would like to go on a book tour and do talks like former New York Housewife Bethany Frankel.

One day I may be getting to have a say in who plays me in the movie version of my book and that would obviously be my Facebook doppelganger Marisa Tomei.  It is actually fun thinking about who would play the roles of you and your family and friends in a movie.  I suggest just trying this for fun.  

So maybe, possibly coming to a bookstore near you in the future is my book, not yet titled. I was serious about the feedback and put lots of questions in the blog. So if you get bored during the Holidays, send me your thoughts.  Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Holiday!!!  And Happy New Year! 

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

December 14, 2011-Volume 53: Can You Really Go Home?

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 53: Can You Really Go Home?

The week after Christmas I will be travelling to Tampa for the first time in over 4 years. During the past years my family has been coming to Columbia to visit and then the accident happened and travelling became harder, so I just never made it home.  I have mixed feelings about going home because this is the first time I will see my high school friends since the accident, and the first time I will see my grandmother in a nursing home.  That leaves me both excited and scared and that is the focus of the blog.  But first…………

My WTF of the week is the amount of time it is taking for my daughter to paint her ceramic gifts.  We have been to the pottery painting place three times and she is still not finished.  When did she get so meticulous? Last year we knocked out the painting in one trip.  This time she is taking 45 minutes per item and we had 10 items to paint.  She also refuses to let me help her in any way, so my job is to sit with her and help her keep on task.   She carefully makes color decisions and changes brushes often. She also insists on painting the entire item, even the bottom that will not show.  We are off to the pottery place one last time to finish the items. I am kind of sick of going there and to top it off last month we decided to have her birthday party there, so we will be back in three weeks for more ceramic painting. Whoopee!

This week I can’t get enough of once again trying new things.  I found someone who will give me individual lessons in jazz and will start that after the holidays.  Love jazz hands and would like to learn a number from one of my favorite movies “All That Jazz”.  And I am also getting hair extensions in January.  Not the clip in kind I have now, but the individual strands that last 4 to 6 months. I am really excited about having long hair although I am not used to it and may not be saying that very long.  Knowing me, most days I will find ways to put it up in a ponytail or some other twist thing. But there will be those times when I will make the effort to style it.  I am a huge fan of hot curlers and will be trying those out. It is so 1970’s, but who doesn’t love hot steamy curlers that sometimes burn your head. Lastly I will start my training to do a sprint triathlon which means getting back in the pool once or twice a week.  I have been talking about it all year and will finally take the plunge after the holidays.

This Christmas will be different for me.  It is the first time in 43 years I will not have Christmas Eve dinner with my family, and the first time I will not have my daughter with me.  Christmas Eve is bigger than Christmas day for our family so it will feel strange fir it to be just my boyfriend and me together that night. We have not decided what we will do or how to create something different. I am trying to view it as an opportunity to try something new, but at the same time I would like to eat the traditional Christmas Eve meal. Just need to muster up the energy to cook it.

On the flip side I will be going to Tampa the day after Christmas, the first time I have been in Tampa during the Holidays since 2004.  The trip will be filled with events and firsts. It will be the first time I have seen my grandmother in a nursing home. Because I have been at a distance it has been easier for me to deal with this because it is somewhat peripheral. But when I see her there I am not sure how I will react, how sad I will be, or how much I wish things would not have turned out that way.  And I know I have guilt for not trying to get home sooner.  But I know if my life was different and if I could have driven, I would have gotten there. But that is not my life so it is what it is. It will also be the first time my father, family members and friends will meet my boyfriend. I have given him the skinny on my family and will be doing more prep before the trip.  But how much can you really prepare people to meet your family. And of course your perceptions are tainted with memories of past visits home and are not really objective.

There will be celebrations too.  My niece, who eloped in Vegas last year, is having a vow ceremony. My dad is also coming down for the event, which is a rare time that my parents and extended family are all in one place. I think the last time that happened was after my accident and I have written about how swimmingly that all went. My high school friends are having a party while I am home and I will get to see them for the first time in four years.  They have been my friends for 30 years and I am thrilled to see them and their families. At the same time they are seeing the visually impaired Beth for the first time.  I am afraid of both my reaction and their reactions. Will there be awkwardness, will there be tears or will we just all be happy and gossiping as usual.  I really have no idea how I will feel until I walk through the door of the party and then I will deal with my emotions in that moment and with theirs as they come.  My hope is that they see that I am the same person, just differently abled and somewhat stronger.

Going home, when you have not been there in a while feels challenging and exciting at the same time. Coming home as a visually impaired person who will be seeing familiar places and people, but with new eyes is scary, but interesting at the same time. It is the mix of the emotions and the unpredictability of how I and others will react that has me on somewhat shaky ground.  But it is good to be on that type of ground so that you learn how to react in the moment to stabilize yourself. And that is what I will do.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

December 7, 2011-Volume 52: The Nasty Winter Bug Kicked my Butt Again

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl: Volume 52: The Nasty Winter Bug Kicked my Butt Again!

Last week there was no blog because I was in the bed, unable to move, running a fever and generally feeling like I had been run over by a bus.  The odd thing is that I was sick last year with pneumonia at this same time. Like many others, the bizarre weather changes and general fatigue that comes with prepping for the Holidays contributed to my susceptibility to the Uber-bug.  I always get sick between Thanksgiving and Christmas usually closer to Christmas.  I am beginning to think that I just hit the wall at the end of the year. That is the focus of the blog this week. But first………………

My WTF of the week is that I accidentally figured out how to make my zoom camera focus on my face.  I have had my camera, which is attached to a screen, for a year, but for some reason just figured out you could rotate the camera head 180 degrees.  So I managed to put the camera on me and zoom in on my face.  This was not a good idea.  I was stunned at how bad my skin looked and how wrinkled my forehead was.  Now I don’t trust any of those people who said I looked the same or looked fine and no Botox or other intervention was needed.  My daughter pegged it when she said I had 4 lines on my forehead and three were big and one was smaller and I could maybe get rid of those.  She also recently asked me if I could put on makeup some days when I brought her to school so I could win the prettiest mommy contest, which I was now losing. But she was sure I could possibly win with a little makeup on.  In the end I did decide to do Botox on the forehead wrinkles. It is my Christmas present to myself.  So when you see my next life coaching tip of the week on Monday check out the newly Botoxed forehead.  And I don’t recommend zooming in on your face, especially if you have not really seen it in detail for a while.

This week I can’t get enough of Holiday decorations.  My house is all done up for the Holidays, although there are still things to be done outside.  I am a Holiday decoration junkie.  I think it is all the things that sparkle and the color because I can see them. The same thing happened last year with the sparkle lingerie at the Victoria’s Secret.  I could have spent hours in the Hobby Lobby and if money was no issue I would have come up with a decoration scheme for every room, including the bathrooms.  I have to reign myself in from going “oh a shiny thing” and running toward it.  And I just keep picking things up and saying “that is fabulous”.  I need lights and sparkly things in the yard this year, so for the first time I am going to do the obnoxious light up yard things, maybe even the ones that blow up.  If I can find any kind of changing color disco balls they will be all over the house.  My other idea is to get a bunch of flamingos with Santa hats and string lights around them. That sounds cool-right. By this weekend, the outside spectacle of lights will be complete (and hopefully fabulous).

Every year I get super sick sometime in December. This has been going on for years and years no matter what I have been up to and no matter where I have lived.  I have memories of me being a kid and being sick around the Holidays. There was “the calamari incident” where I attempted to eat the usual Christmas Eve calamari and spent Christmas morning over the toilet. I have not eaten calamari since. Then there was the “Disney World Disease” year (think this was 1998) where I had to leave a vacation at the World after a day because I needed to get home and to a doctor. I had pneumonia and was in the bed 10 days. I watched the ball drop lying on the couch covered in Vicks VapoRub and hot towels. And of course last year there was the “Nutcracker Pneumonia Incident” where the stress of my daughter being in the Nutcracker and the exposure to a slew of parents and kids lead to her bronchitis and my pneumonia.

I think I have naturally adapted to the December illness trend by getting things done early in the Holiday season.  Usually all my decorating and shopping is done by December 1.  This way, if I get sick, I am still ahead of the game. Also there is the added benefit of not wanting to eat the Holiday treats because the antibiotics make me really sick and this leads to potential Holiday weight loss. And I have a great excuse not to attend Holiday parties. So, there is a silver lining somewhere.

I am beginning to think my body gets sick at the end of the year because over the course of the year I am high energy and usually going pretty fast without much vacation time.  So, I hit a wall much like the wall I hit daily around 3pm where I need a half cup of coffee to make it through the rest of the day. Maybe if the year were eleven months long I would be fine, because it is month twelve that gets me.  Next year I have decided to set a goal of not getting really sick in December. To do that I must take more vacation time during the year-I am thinking at least two weeks.  I am also going to work on getting better sleep which means going to bed before 11 and napping when I need it. I am going to take periodic breaks from working out so I can rest my body. I am going to be better at taking vitamins and eating well.   My hope is that by doing all these things I will be well rested and my immune system will be able to fight off the December Uber-bug. In the end it is about pacing myself through the year so I have enough energy and reserves to see the finish line that is December 31, and not from the couch.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 23, 2011-Volume 51: So Many Things for Which to Be Thankful

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 51:  So Many Things for Which to Be Thankful

This week I wanted to write a short blog to reflect on all the things for which I am thankful.  I am thankful for my daughter who brings light and joy into my life.  She is a truly loving and good kid who is creative, smart and funny. I am thankful that this year I found my life partner-a man who is warm, funny, wicked smart, talented and has a wonderful heart. I am thankful for having family and close friends who support me and listen to me. I am thankful I have the means to support my family. I am thankful for those who have helped me work out a transportation system that allows me to get to where I need to be. I am thankful I can continue to have an impact on people and organizations and make positive changes in the world and I am thankful for the technology that allows me to do that. I am thankful that there are innovations that will make my life easier moving forward like the new smart phones, the driverless car, and of course the stem cell regrowth of the retina that will one day give me back my vision.

I am thankful for many things that I seem to have come to possess, talents ad gifts that are somehow innate or have developed over time.  I am thankful that I am a good problem solver and am resourceful.  I am thankful that I am a positive person who does not take life too seriously.  I am thankful that I understand the importance of gratitude and forgiveness.  I am thankful that I have learned to choose healthy relationships.  I am thankful that I have confidence and a belief that I can do most anything I set my mind to.  I am thankful that I am able to take risks and be OK with that. I am thankful that I have the communication skills that allow me to possibly teach and inspire others. I am thankful that I understand that I am in control of my life despite the fact that life is sometimes chaotic. And I am thankful that I am healthy and am able to be physically active.

I am thankful that I continue to put myself out there and that people are interested in what I have to say.  So thank you, those who read my blogs and those who send me positive energy and thoughts.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 16, 2011-Volume 50: Why are so Mamy People Swimming in the kiddie Pool

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 50:  Why Are So Many People Swimming in the Kiddie Pool (Grow up please)

I did not mean for my 50^th blog to be about this topic, but in the last week something happened that made me so angry (warning, this is an angry blog) that I began to reflect on some people’s inability to act like adults and own their behavior.  I call these people kiddie pool swimmers and that is the focus of the blog. But first………………………….

My WTF of the week is the thing that began my reflections on kiddie pool swimmers.  As you may know from past blogs, I had a person do a very horrible and dysfunctional thing to me just four days after I was home from the hospital from my accident.  Basically a woman that had been hanging out with my newly ex-boyfriend, showed up at my house (I had only met her once at a birthday party) and decided that first she needed to see me as weak and did so by bringing me a DVD of a book that I had and still use all the time with clients to suggest that I needed lots of help. She then proceeded to go into detail about how close she was to my ex-boyfriend (note, we had been broken up less than a month), how she had told him it was not fair of him to date me if he did not love me and how much she was hoping to have a long term relationship with him.  She also indicated she had been hanging out with him prior to our breakup, knew lots about our issues and was his main confidant.  If I was not completely blind, on bed rest and in massive pain, I would have hauled her nasty self out of my house by her hair. My ex-boyfriend denied she was a close friend and was appalled at her behavior and said he did not want to have anything to do with her.  I said that if he decided to continue a relationship with her, I would not have any type of communication with him.  So now, 15 months later, when my ex and I have an amicable relationship, I find out that he has been seeing this person, but failed to tell me and also that he had talked to this person about that day and decided that she did not have any ill intentions in coming to my house (why are some men so dense).  I don’t think I have ever used the F bomb so many times consecutively when I confronted him about their relationship.  And now I am no longer speaking to him and I never will again.  It is disappointing that someone who claims to be your friend, care about you and have respect for you can engage in such a dysfunctional relationship with someone who intentionally tried to territorial piss on me and kick me when I was down. What has surprised me is how I have lost all positive regard for my ex because of it.   Hope they both have fun swimming in the kiddie pool.

This week I can’t get enough of media.  First, I saw the movie The Book of Eli (with Denzel Washington).  It had a very interesting twist in the end and the twist has something to do with what I deal with every day (hope this is not a spoiler).  I will say that the movie confirmed that I can learn to do just about anything.  Plus, the music was very cool- a more modern version of Vangelis. I also just saw Two and a Half Men for the first time.  Yes, I know it has been on for years, but I don’t watch a lot of network TV.  That show is hilarious and I cannot believe what they are getting away with saying on TV.  What happened to the censors?  Some of it is really dirty.  But since I like bawdy humor, I dig the show now and I get why it is so popular.  And I would also like to thank Fox for moving House back to its 9pm slot. Lastly I learned that the best way to screen toys is to look at videos of them on YouTube.  I checked out informational and instructional videos on some of the things I was going to buy for my daughter for Christmas and the videos really helped me make decisions about what to purchase.  I know there is lots of useless stuff on YouTube, but there is also highly informative and educational content (my life coaching tip of the week videos) such as The Kahn Academy.  I could spend hours watching the Kahn Academy videos.  Watch these and you can both seem and be super smart! I can have an intelligent conversation about mitochondrial DNA.

Lately I have noticed that many people who claim to be adults act like children or adolescents.  In general these are people who are insecure, petty, spoiled, don’t take responsibility for their actions, shift blame, tell little white lies, think they are entitled or that the world revolves around them, and do mean and insensitive things to others.  All this is adolescent behavior and is not the mark of a person who has learned to own their stuff, play nice with others and be accountable for their actions.  I call these people kiddie pool swimmers because they would drown in the deep end of the pool that is real life.  I don’t want these people in the adult pool, because they can’t swim and end up trying to hang on to you and bring you under.  Kiddie pool swimmers must have shallow enough water because the only way they can keep their head above it is to be able to stand up.  When we learn to swim and are good enough to swim in the deep water we can do laps when we want to, float comfortably if we choose and if big waves come at us we know how to roll with them.  People in the kiddie pool can only splash others, walk around in circles because the pool is small, and would drown if a wave hit them. 

People in the kiddie pool have somehow stalled in their personal growth.  They have stalled at times because they have not done the work to figure out how to get past the bill of goods they were sold by their families and separate enough to become their own self.  For many of us who had less than perfect childhoods this means doing therapy and getting to the core of your issues and dumping the baggage.  As I have said before I have been doing that work for years and literally puked up all the stuff I was holding and discovered my core issues and own them.  I think, as a woman and hell, admittedly as a somewhat attractive woman, I got away with adolescent behavior for a while because it was excused by those I dated. Being not right on the inside and being childish and unhealthy in that core place does not serve us well as we get older.  This is especially true for women, because in men we label it as a mid-life crisis. I tell my women clients and friends to get to know themselves and explore their issues and take responsibility for their baggage and actions in their late 20’s or early 30’s, because petty, childish behavior looks worse on us as we get older.

As a life coach I enjoy helping people get unstuck and sometimes that means modifying behaviors that keep them in the kiddie pool.  I have respect for those who seek guidance in trying to achieve personal growth.  But in my personal life I admit to having limited tolerance for kiddie pool swimmers who do not realize they are not swimming in the adult pool, but shift blame and responsibility and anger and whatever else to you because you are not playing their kiddie pool games or live in a false reality that they are swimming in the deep end. 

In the end, we deep end swimmers scare the hell out of those in the kiddie pool. Our confidence, competence, strong sense of self and our understanding of accountability give us power and the adolescents are still rebelling and whining. I highly recommend a swim in the adult pool where the water is deep but friendly and inviting.  The kiddie pool is just full of pee.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 9, 2011-Volume 49: The Consequences of Asking Your Child to Make a List for Santa

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 49: The Consequences of Asking Your Child to Write a List for Santa

This past weekend, in order to get a jump on my shopping (since everything takes longer), I asked my daughter to make a list of the things she wanted for Christmas so that we could get the letter off to Santa.  Things quickly got out of hand and that is the focus of this blog.  I have no WTF or I can’t get enough of this week because they all seem to revolve around the Santa list.  Although I must mention I am quite amused by the fact that my boyfriend, a former juggler, took the time to break out not only the juggling balls, but also discs and these things that looked like bowling pins.  He also had these things called Luna sticks which were awesome.  I could handle the Luna sticks, but I must admit I am a terrible juggler.  Must be the gap in my vision because I kept losing track of the ball or it could be my poor motor coordination or both.  So, there will be no blind juggling act in the future for me. Not sure my daughter has a future in juggling either since her throwing of the balls ended up being overhand throws or underhand bullets that all ended up flying across the rim and hitting you in the crotch area.  I many not have to worry about boys, her aim is good and when she demonstrates Karate kicks she always seems to land them in the groin area.

This is the first year I have had my daughter make a list for Santa.  One reason is because she can write and has some definite opinions about what she wants. The second reason is because this is the first year I did not hit the after Christmas toy sale the previous year and pre-shopped, hiding the toys in the closet for the next year. Armed with pen and paper she quickly had ideas for the list, so I think she had planned some of these things already.  She started with at least 10 items and then kept thinking of new things over the weekend.  She would wake up and write more things or we would go somewhere and as soon as we got back she was looking for the pen to jot down more items.  I tried to tell her that Santa did not have an unlimited budget since he had to buy for so many. To this she scoffed. I stopped her at around 30 items when she had filled a page by saying there was a one page limit on the Santa list.

The first item on the list was the one thing I said I was never ever going to break down and buy-an American Girl Doll.  I had heard about the American Girl Doll Syndrome which causes adults to spend copious amounts of money and even travel to NYC to the American Girl store.  I heard about the dolls having dogs and tea parties. It all sounded bizarre to me. Plus, it is a doll and dolls are just scary.  I recently started getting the catalog in the mail and I would quickly look through it and discard it before Sadie got home (I do this with most toy catalogs). While looking through one I decided the historical dolls with their accompanying stories could be OK and that I particularly liked the one who was from the 70’s.  So we went online to the website and looked through the line of historical dolls and she chooses, without any interference from mommy, the 70’s doll.  Her name is Julie and she has on a very cool outfit.  Later I went back to the site to buy the doll and started looking at the outfits and furniture and I must admit I got a little carried away.  Julie has this awesome banana bike and a cool dining room with a fondue set.  Her bedroom furniture and accessories are the epitome of 70’s pre disco/post hippie chic and her outfits, like the floral jumpsuit (who does not love a jumpsuit) are so my mom with frosted hair in 1974. Problem is the stuff is so expensive I could buy an actual bike, fondue set and clothes for me or Sadie for less than the ones for this doll.  I broke down and got the book with her story because when I read more about her I found poor Julie was dealing with the divorce of her parents in the early 70’s.  And I was like; hey I was dealing with the divorce of my parents in 1974, how uncanny.  Sadie had no clue about the story; she based her choice on her long straight blond hair and clothes. But I decided I kind of like the doll too and am happy Santa is getting her.

Old school toys must be back because my daughter also had many things on her list that I played with growing up like Hungry Hungry Hippos, Simon, Uno, Lincoln Logs and Operation.   Those will definitely be under the tree or birthday gifts because I want to play with them.  Operation is one of the best toys ever. I can’t wait till she is old enough for Battleship or Clue. And I saw new Barbie camper on TV and I thought man I so want that because that was my favorite Barbie thing ever growing up.  But since we don’t do the Disney or Barbie thing I can’t get it.  Soon I am going to break down on the moratorium against Barbie because I am going to really want that damn camper.

I also love that she put foodstuffs on her list that I will place in her stocking including clementines, apples and Reese’s cups.  She also wants a slide whistle and a kazoo to go along with her instrument collection. I think the slide whistle will show up, but I am not sure if I can take kazoo playing. Some of the sounds on her electronic keyboard are bad enough and of course I had to get her that gathering drum a few months ago and it is freakishly loud.  To accompany all these instruments and her impromptu singing and dancing acts, she wants a microphone. Of course we are getting that so I can do my own performances.

Since I got the list first I decided what I wanted to get her for Christmas and her early January birthday, then I gave the rest of the list to her dad.  So he got all the stuff I don’t want to have in the house or really I don’t want to play with like the foot spa (what kid does so much walking or standing that they need a foot spa), koo koo birds or dogs or whatever else miniature thing that is “in”, an ice cream maker, and of course the new version of baby alive that pees and barfs.  I refuse to buy the strange things on commercials that seem to have no purpose except to take up space and eventually break. And I just can’t keep track if all these miniature things. Except of it was American Girl Julie’s fondue pot set- no way I would lose that.

In the end I think I end up choosing toys and games that I want to play because if she does not play with it, Mommy will. And I now choose toys that do not have hundreds of parts or small buttons or electronic crap (the vision thing). That’s why the old school stuff is so appealing. Aren’t we all nostalgic for the toys of our youth (please bring back Stretch Armstrong) and would rather be playing with them than working.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 2, 2011-Volume 48: Am I Getting Old or Am I still Cool?

The Adventures of the Blind/low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 48:  Am I getting old or am I still cool?

Over the past weekend I travelled to one of my favorite places, Asheville, NC, to attend the Moogfest.   What is Moogfest, you ask.  It is the celebration of the Moog synthesizer that forever changed music.  They have three days of bands who all use Moog instruments.  While I was there, amongst the diverse, yet mostly younger crowd, I began to wonder, after being wiped out by 10 at night, am I getting old or am I still cool because I am actually at the Moogfest? That is the focus of this blog.  But first…………….

My WTF of the week is the fact that the IPhone 4S is not the most magnificent thing for the visually impaired, as it was touted to be.  After reading articles and seeing YouTube videos of blind people using all these apps to do amazing things, I had to go test out and get myself the phone.  Just the fact I could have all my Kindle, audiobook and music content on the phone (and there is a Voice reader to tell me what those books and songs are) made me giddy.  And then I tested out the phone.  Then new Siri voice command system is useless if there is any background noise, the screen is too small to zoom up enough where I could see anything and the Voice reader that can read all the content is hard to find.  Then when you turn it on it changes the whole tap system so that you have to double tap everything to get it to open and you have to scroll with three fingers.  The people that helped us could not even get the double tap and three finger scroll down at first and they could see.  One suggested I cut my mails off so I could do it.  That is just too much to ask. The double tap had to be in quick succession or else it does not work and I was not that quick on the draw. So after about two hours of frustration trying to get the thing to work for me, I gave up and decided to call Apple to tell them what I needed them to change about their phone to make it more useful for the visually impaired.   And by the way, the full blown 5 is coming out soon and the screen will be bigger. If they can make the other changes I requested, then I will be happy. But I am only one person and I am sure they have a bigger market than just me.

This week I can’t get enough of strange musical instruments.  It all started with my boyfriend’s obsession with the Melodica-which is basically a tube connected to a thing that looks like a big harmonica or a small accordion with three octaves of piano keys.  Then we discovered the Kazukulele which is a kazoo on the neck of a ukulele.  I think someone just made this one up, but the YouTube videos are absolutely hilarious.  I have been obsessed with the Theremin for years after seeing a PBS special on it and they had Theremins at Moogfest.  The YouTube videos with the demos of the Theremins will also have you on the floor.  At Moogfest we played with several of the Moog products.  There was a cool one called the Little Phatty.  The sounds you can make on these things are amazing.  Although it is a nightmare for the visually impaired because there are tons of knobs and buttons with small labels.  So I just ended up randomly turning and sliding controls to see what happened.  I actually happened onto a sound that sounded like a Theremin.  Maybe I will call the Moog factory about making some stuff for the visually impaired.  It is amazing what you can do to make music now and the influence of digital music and technology. It is amazing how much music is now produced by one geek on a computer (see Dam Deacon as a prime example of this).  As a music lover, I am always looking for new and innovative stuff, so nifty instruments, sounds and technology excite me. 

And speaking of the Moogfest (see pictures), I thought I was cool because I not only knew what a Moog synthesizer was, but liked the bands enough to go to the festival.  I thought that made me cool.  While there I attempted to look cool wearing funky hats and my vintage coats.  But alas I realized I am still getting old.  For one thing, I could not handle the smoke at the outdoor venues.  There were a ton of people smoking and smoking various substances.  I expected the cigarettes (the normal and clove variety), but tons of people were smoking what I assumed was that salvia stuff. It smells like sweet pot and you could not move ten feet without getting hit by a blast of it.  Between all these smoking substances (I would say about 60% were lighting up), I just could not take all the smoke-it really bothered me.  That made me feel old and smell awful. 

Then there was the fact that I could only get through three shows before crapping out and needing to go to sleep.  Both nights I was done by 10 or 10:30, even though we had planned one night to see bands until 1am.  Why do I need so much sleep?  Again, it is because I am old and can’t keep up with the young pups. 

Third, I now have developed an aversion to strobe lights, which most of the bands used because strobes and Moog instruments go together.  They must have developed new technology to make strobes extra bright. They were unbearable so I could not even look at the stage most of the time.  I know part of it was because of my retinal damage, but it even was annoying my boyfriend. None of the younger people seemed at all bothered by the strobes or the lasers or the ear splitting decibel level of the music.  What makes this younger generation so impervious to these devices of torture? Is the Salvia that good?

And then there were the people in costumes, bearing lots of skin in frigid temperatures.  As you can see from the picture I am bundled up like Nanook of the North. I even had to buy gloves to stay warm.  Bit all around us there were youth wearing costumes that barely covered them and they had to be freezing (or really messed up on drugs).  Was I impervious to cold when I was younger?  Yep, I must be getting old.

So in many ways I learned I can no longer keep up with the youngsters when it comes to partying or merely staying awake.  But at the B and B we were staying at there were two couples in their mid to late 20’s also there for Moogfest and we could hold our own in a music discussion with them.  Plus my boyfriend is a good friend of this dude called Analog man who is the number one producer of analog guitar effects and I thought the music engineer guy was going to jump up and down when he found this out- he was so impressed.  It was a kiss the ring moment. And the other geek music guy said he was going to see bands that had an 80’s influence and so I said I grew up in the 80’s and it would be interesting if current bands sounded like “The The” and I totally stumped him, because he had never heard of that band.  I have concluded that in some ways I am slowing down but I am still wiser than the young pups and in many ways I am still cool. So, as they say, age before beauty.  And I plan to always be cool (at least in my own mind).

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock 

October 26, 2011-Volume 47: Things That Scare Me

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 47: Things that Scare Me

In honor of Halloween, I have decided to talk about the things that terrify, scare or otherwise freak me out.  Interestingly the list is not that long.  But First……………….

My WTF of the week is the fact that when I went to pick up my blind person of the year award it was a certificate in a frame so I could not read most of it. What I could read was that the name on this award was wrong.  The award was for Lisa Medlock. So I said, it looks great, but that is not my name.  I know I should be grateful and not complain at all.  But the fact is that my case manager who also won an award for me being the most awesome blind person, did not even realize my name was not Lisa. So, they were apologetic and are going to fix the name. I still cannot read most of what the certificate says without my magnifier glasses.  It is baffling they give the blind a visual award. Rather strange to me.

This week I cannot get enough of me and my daughter’s Halloween costumes.  We debuted these costumes at Boo at the Zoo a few days ago (see picture). Sadie picked out these costumes and did a fabulous job.  She is Super Girl and I am Wonder Woman. Sadie looked totally cute as usual and was very excited that, according to her, the Super Girl costume could actually make you fly.  I rocked the Wonder Woman costume with confidence and I really think the Lynda Carter wig completed the look.  I managed to come up with a way to even fill out the top of the costume.  My boyfriend, who did careful research on Wonder Woman and seems to have an uncanny memory of her costume, reminded me that she actually wore boy shorts that were padded in the back to increase the junk in the trunk.  All the Wonder Woman costumes had a skirt, but I would have worn the boy shorts (although no padding would be needed).  My daughter asked me what Wonder Woman talked like, but I could not remember because there did not seem to be much dialogue involved.  There was just a lot of running. A friend and I decided this was a definite precursor to Baywatch. Here is the reaction at the zoo—Wow, there is Wonder Woman and Super Girl.  Since I can’t tell if people are looking at me, especially at bight I checked in with my friend who said, “You are getting some looks from the middle aged men and teenage girls”.  And I was the only mommy dressed up as Wonder Woman.  I think Halloween is a perfect time to dress up in totally inappropriate costumes and as long as you are wearing a wig you cannot be identified.  I still need to obtain the lasso of truth and obedience I can use that on Halloween night to score lots of candy.  My line will be-unhand that chocolate.

So, I admit to having some strange fears.  Some of these have always been there and others have developed over time.  The list is in no particular order.

1)    Clowns- There is something totally unnatural about clowns. I think my fear of them was heightened by that scène is Poltergeist where that clown doll tries to drag the boy under the bed. Man that was terrifying.

2)    Snakes- I don’t like their skin or the fact they slither. I am so horrified by them I can’t even look at them on TV. One tine when I was lying out in my backyard as a teen, one slithered over my legs and I jumped up and tried to run back in the house so fast that I forgot to open the sliding glass door and banged into it. I never went in the backyard again.

3)    Porcelain dolls-The way they stare at you and the whiteness of their faces makes them seem preternatural. They also are supposed to look like children but have these adult like faces. That Chucky doll movie did me in-a doll with an evil look killing people-it’s just too much.

4)    Throwing up- I have a tremendous aversion to vomiting and will do anything and everything not to throw up, even though I know it will make me feel better.  I will force down crackers and ginger ale and Pepto so I don’t get sick.  If I do end up throwing up I start crying like a baby because it is so aversive to me.

5)    Rides that spin in a circle- The teacup rides are rides of horror.  Anything that spins me around in a circle makes me horribly sick. I can’t even walk when I get off the ride. I can do roller coasters, drop zones and even would bungee, but the teacup ride scares the heck out of me.

6)    Any movie that has to do with being possessed by the Devil- This could be a Catholic girl thing, but I have never been able to watch more than 20 minutes of the Exorcist without losing it.  Even the music freaks me out.  And The Omen was terrifying, as was Rosemary’s Baby.  I had nightmares for weeks after that one. There is something about evil or the devil possessing someone that I just can’t handle.

Of course I have normal fears too, like something happening to my child or someone I love or my house burning down with all my stuff in it or drowning.  But there are lots of things I don’t really fear or think about, like death or getting sick or having no money. For some reason, those things don’t really bother me.  I am thankful that I don’t have fears that hold me back, like a fear or failing or making mistakes or looking stupid. I have done those things plenty of times.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

October 19, 2011-Volume 46: What Else Should I Write, I Don't Have the Right

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 46: What Else Should I Write, I Don’t Have the Right

For the past few weeks I have been wondering why I am still blogging, if anyone is reading it, or if it is even important that anyone is reading it. I wonder when or if I will run out of things to say or if my experiences have become so normalized they no longer have to do with my visual impairment.  But then………………

My WTF of the week is the experience I had trying to put in and take out a contact lens.  You may and should be wondering why I am even using a contact lens. A doctor came up with a plan to try and make my blown pupil smaller by using a non-prescription colored lens (the don’t it make my brown eyes blue kind). That way there is not as much light pouring in so I get less flashing and maybe a little less light distortion. What seemed like a good plan quickly went awry. First of all the contact made my eye two shades darker than my other eye and was noticeable, according to witnesses. Most people did not notice one pupil was bigger than the other one, but an iris much darker than the other one looks weird, not cool in a David Bowie two different colored eyes way.  Then after going outside I realized the contact made no difference in my visual field.  The doctor encouraged me to try it out as we had a 90 day trial period, but I said there was no way I was going to try and mess with a contact when i could not see what I was doing and that it was already irritating my eye after 5 minutes.  So then she wanted the contact lens people to still teach me how to put it in and get it out.  The fun started when I tried to get it out and it failed to move, then a nurse tried to get it out and also could not do it.  A third person was called in and they began flooding the eye with lubricating drops and finally got it out.  Because my eyes produce no oil that thing was totally stuck.  In fact, most people with dry eyes cannot wear contacts and now I know why.  They still wanted me to take the contact home since “it gets easier the more you try”.  If it took two nurses and a ton of drops to get it out then I did not think I was going to do so well.  Plus, since my eye felt irritated I would have to keep asking people if my eye was getting red.  Too much work.

This week I can’t get enough of the fact that I am an award winner.  I won the South Carolina Commission for the Blind Consumer of 2010 or maybe the Vocational Rehabilitation Case of the Year (which does not sound nearly as good, but what was in the letter I received). I am not sure what this means.  I know that I did not win a cash prize. I think it means that I am the most awesome kind of blind person ever (or that the SCCB dealt with that year). This totally baffles me. I harassed those poor people and complained when the services were not delivered in a timely or in a professional manner. If holding people accountable makes me the best consumer then that rocks, because that is what a good consumer should do.  This week I will pick up what has been described to me as a beautiful award. I am guessing it could be a plaque and if so I probably won’t be able to read it, but I will display it proudly. Or maybe it is a lovely plant. What it is does not matter. I will remember the awesome responsibility I have in being the blind consumer of the year and that means I will continue to not let it stop me. Also, if someone makes me a sash I will wear it.

I have been writing this blog for a year and am beginning to wonder if and when it should end.  I began writing the blog because I started to write a book about how my life radically changed after my accident and I just could not get it all out. So, I decided to write a weekly blog that captured what I was thinking, feeling and going through as I dealt with my new reality. It was and still is cathartic for me.  At first, I wrote the blog for me alone and did not think about or really care who read it. Over the past year that has shifted a bit in that I think about if what I am experiencing and thinking can be useful to others and therefore I wonder about the “take away’s” from my blog. I used a Kurt Cobain line (from All Apologies) as the title of the blog because at times I do wonder what makes what I say important or readable or why anyone would pay attention to it. I guess the bigger question is “does it matter or is it chatter”.

There is also a part of me that thinks sometimes it is strange to share yourself with others through blogging. I am honest and authentic in my blog and in that way I am letting people I do not know into my world. When I am down, my blogs are dark, when I am frustrated they are angry and when I am happy they are comical (hopefully). So they become a window into my emotional state.  You would think I would go back and read old blogs, but the truth is I have never read a blog after it has been posted and I am not sure why.  I think it is because the writing is almost a dumping process that reflects where I am at a point in time. Because I am a moving forward type of gal, I tend not to want to go back to those places.

My goal was to take all the blogs I have written and see if I have something, that with work could become a book.  Right now I have no sense of what that would be.  I think this is why I am still writing and maybe when I feel I have something I will stop, or at least pause. And maybe there will be some weeks where I don’t have anything to say. With all this said, the blog will continue, at least for the near future. I hope that those who read it at least get a chuckle or two at times and maybe some kind of “ahha” moment. But if not, that is OK too.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

October 12, 2011-Volume 45: Making the Choice to be in a Relationship

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 45: Making the Choice to be in a Relationship

I am one of those people who are OK not being in a relationship.  I am OK with myself and have enough interests and hobbies and things to occupy my time.  I don’t feel that a relationship is something I need, although it is something I want.  I have realized that being in a relationship becomes a daily, weekly, monthly choice.  It is a choice to invest time, care and energy in another person.  In past years being a relationship was more a need, a thing to fill a perceived void, and it led me to be with people I should have run screaming from.  Now, being at a place where I am able to choose allows me to truly commit and continually examine my feelings and my investment, and that is a good and healthy thing, and is the focus of my blog.  But first..............................

My WTF of the week is the fact that I have come close to being road kill several times by people running a stop light or a stop sign. What I would like to say to these drivers is that a stop sign is not optional. You actually have to come to a stop.  If you were able to just roll through the thing it would say Yield and be yellow.  And a red light also means come to a full stop. When the light is yellow and you are close enough that you can make it, I have no problem with a person gunning it. But if the light has turned red before you get to the intersection, you should be on the brakes. Also those lines that demarcate a crosswalk are there for a reason and when you stop your front end should be behind it, not over it. Be warned, if you do this I will kick your tire and give you a really dirty look as I have to maneuver around your clearly misplaced car. I now just assume no one is going to stop at the stop signs so I hold up and look and make sure there are no cars within three car lengths before I cross. And when I am crossing at lights I wait a few seconds after the light has turned red to make sure the cars are all braking or stopping then run fast across the street with the few seconds I have left.  I, as a visually impaired pedestrian, should not have to do this much work to get around town safely. And then there is the problem that most of the places where I cross have no audible signals for the blind or visually impaired.  Let’s get on the ball City of Columbia. Someone is going to get hurt out there.

This week I can’t get enough of laser hair removal. I have already had my first session and I did not think it hurt that much. The most disconcerting thing was the smell of burning hair.  But you get used to that quickly. The laser machine has a cool blast of air to cool down the hot laser. It was interesting feeling the cool blast of air during the bikini area hair removal because I was hoping that the laser was not going anywhere near where I was feeling the air at times. After the session you have to drink lots of water so that you don’t get dehydrated, which leads to itching.  So I drank copious amounts of water as to not embarrass myself by having to scratch certain areas.  Do not be afraid of the laser, the pain is tolerable and it is your friend. 

I am in an interesting place in my life where being in a relationship is a conscious choice where I am continually processing things like if I am getting my needs met, if the relationship feels reciprocal and if I am happy.  These are important questions to ask, but you can only really ask these questions if you are willing to end a relationship if the answer is NO. And that means you have to be OK with being alone.  Relationships, no matter how much you love someone, take work. They don’t just happen. And when you are OK and can be happy being alone, it is a choice you make to do the work.  That choice depends on what you are putting in and what you are getting back. That choice depends on how much you feel energized by the relationship and if you are growing as a person. That choice depends on if you feel heard respected and can be your authentic self in the relationship. Having the ability to consider that choice is empowering and freeing, because you are doing what is truly right for you.

It took me a long time to get to this place. In earlier relationships I was not as OK with myself.  I felt more of a need to be in a relationship and because I was not good with me I attracted people who were not really right for me.  And I never felt as if I had a choice or that I was deciding if the relationship was good, I was content that I was in a relationship and happy that someone actually liked me enough to date or marry me.  So I, like many others, stayed too long in relationships that were not healthy.

Now, being in a place of choice is comforting but also uncomfortable because it feels new. And I have my struggles.  There are times when I wonder why a person, specifically, my boyfriend, would choose a single parent who is visually impaired. And I have to remind myself that we all have flaws and I have much more to bring to the table.  As I have said before my visual impairment does not define who I am. So, now and for the last 5 months I daily, weekly and monthly choose to commit myself to my relationship and in that commitment I am fully accountable for my actions and fully present. And that is a good place to be. 

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

October 5, 2011-Volume 44: I Want to Hibernate

The Adventures of The Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 44:

I Feel Like Hibernating

With the change in the weather and the light, I have found that not only am I battling the sinus crud, but I am feeling like I just want to curl up in bed and sleep all the time.  It amazes me how a little nip in the air and a little more darkness can completely alter my energy level and somehow increase my need for chocolate.  Are we that tied to the seasons?  That is the focus of my blog this week.  But first……………

My WTF of the week is the fact that there are Christmas decorations on display in some stores.  I walked into a Lowe’s on September 30 to be greeted by the display of lit Christmas trees.  I had to blink to make sure this was not a visual hallucination.  What is going on? What happened to Halloween and Thanksgiving?  Do I need to be thinking about Christmas right now?  I have an odd theory about why the decorations are out early and it has to do with our economy. The decorations let us know that another crappy year is coming to an end and that the Holidays are the last fun blast before another year of a crap economy.  It also could signal that we need to start shopping now so that when we do have some extra money we remember to start buying some gifts. And lots of us are going to need that lead time. Although I must admit that the white tree did excite me, all the trees did is stress me out thinking about the Holidays, because let’s admit it, the Holidays are stressful. And I am not happy about being reminded of that in October.

This week I can’t get enough of looking at videos of people playing drum covers on YouTube.  My drum teacher gave me the task of figuring out how to play, wait for it, Paradise City by Guns N Roses.  After looking up the video on YouTube and listening to the song I decided to see if I could find others playing the drum part so I could just copy them-which I thought was a pretty slick idea on my part.  Lots of people like t0 play Guns N Roses, go figure, and I had no trouble locating hundreds of drum cover videos.  Here is where the fun started.  Some of the videos were good, but some were just comical.   And by comical I mean the people stank, but still thought they needed to make a video of themselves.  I really don’t get why anyone would put up a video of themselves playing drums in the first place. But more interestingly, why would you put up a video of yourself playing the drums badly so then people like me can laugh and make fun of you.  I guess I am glad that there is this type of content available because I have something to laugh about and mock and that is a good thing.  It also gives me hope that I can be a better drummer that the guys on YouTube.  So when I get good I am going to put in my long hair, wear hot pants and some tall boots and film myself plating drums.  Would be interesting to see how many views I get.

I really love the fall.  It is actually my favorite season of the year because of the colors of the leaves and the crispness of the air and the fact I really like pumpkin and can get lots of pumpkin baked goods in the fall. But the transition from the long, hot summer to the fall always kicks me in the butt.  Like clockwork I get my first cold of the season, which I had a few weeks ago. Then my sinuses go crazy and as soon as I have to turn the heat on my eyes dry out and I wake up with a headache until I come up with a humidifier strategy.  The darkness in the morning does not help either because it tells my body to get back in the bed and go back to sleep, which I would do if I did not have to get up and get my child ready for school.  Then I feel like I am dragging all day just trying to stay awake and somehow get some exercise. I am also really hungry as if my body is telling itself to fatten up for the winter.

I always find it interesting how much the change in seasons and weather and light can affect our energy, moods and eating habits.  I know it must be a biological leftover from hunter gatherer days. I have that sense of not wanting to start anything new, and my brain has slowed down in firing off good or creative ideas.  Now it just keeps telling me a need a pumpkin muffin and some coffee.  I am trying to come up with ways to stay motivated and active in these last months of the year.  So I have this crazy idea to start training for a sprint triathlon.  After finding out I can have spotters and possibly ride a tandem bike doing a sprint triathlon is now back on the table.  I can get training schedules to follow and this will give me the structure I need to stay active.  I am also focusing on getting better at the drums and playing a little bit every day.   And I am starting something new. I am going to take jazz and modern dance as a fall/winter activity.  On the work front I am considering moving forward with a radio show and will be offering some workshops and planning a January event.  With these plans and some structure and goals, I hope to drag myself kicking and screaming out of the sleep and eat mode.  I will let you know how it works. Maybe planning new things, setting shorter term goals and doing some things that have structure will work for others.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock