July 27, 2011-Volume 37: A Year of Visual Impairment

The Adventures the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 37: A Year of Visual Impairment

This week I will deviate from my normal blog format to reflect about my first year as a person with a visual impairment.  July 24 marked a year from the date of my accident.  In that year much has happened, much has changed, but many things have remained the same.

I want to start out by thanking all the people that have assisted me and supported me throughout this year.  Thanks to my friends who set up the fundraising site so that I could keep a roof over our heads.  And of course those that contributed so generously to my fundraiser.  Without those monies I would have lost everything. Thanks to the Moms Club and others who brought in meals when I could not cook.  There are many friends who helped me clean, organize and maintain my house when I was almost completely blind and who spent hours with me just listening to me and supporting me in the transition.  Thanks to my family members like my parents who came to be with me and took care of me after my two operations.  During the year many people have provided transportation for us and included us in activities and that has been tremendously helpful.  I also want to thank those that come help me fix things or figure things out in my house when I can’t see enough to maintain my home.  Lastly, I want to thank the assistants who have helped me continue my business.

A year after my accident, my vision has not improved.  In the last few weeks it actually seems worse because my cornea in my left eye is still shifting.  But with the tools I have and some tricks I have learned I can fool most people into thinking I see normally.  My next steps are to see if my cornea can be reshaped so that it is round again and to keep on top of progress in the artificial retina and stem cell work to regrow the retina.  At some point in the future I will have normal vision again using one of these technologies.

During the course of the year I had good days and bad days and that has not changed, except that there are fewer bad days.  Every day brings a challenge of some sort and there are no easy days.  But I think that is the case for most people.  I try to do things despite the fact I can’t see very well. I have been successful at times—patching a leak in my water heater, fixing a toilet, finding my sunglasses in the ocean.   But then I do what I call blind girl things like throwing away important mail, wearing a shirt inside out or with stains and the latest, grinding up an expensive pocket knife in the garbage disposal.  But my hearing is better and I am more tuned in to what is around me and can be more present focused. I also have an uncanny sense of knowing where things are and can navigate using mental maps I create.

This year I also tried lots of new things.  I rock climbed, learned how to salsa, improved my voice, and am learning to play the drums. On the anniversary of my accident I drove a car for the first time since the accident.  I drove about 5 miles down country roads and what I found is that I can stay in the lane, see stop signs with plenty of time to stop, see cars coming and make turns.  Basically, if I had to in an emergency, I can drive. I will continue doing new things and still plan to run a 10K this fall and bike 40 miles on the tandem.  I also want to take modern dance.

I could have never predicted where I would be a year after my accident.  What is most surprising is that I found love and a life partner, and that I am rethinking my career.  What is most disappointing is the ongoing lack of independence from not being able to drive and the challenges it brings and the lack of consideration by others who don’t think to offer rides.   I also did not expect the accident to bring an ongoing battle with my ex and his new wife who constantly and consistently try to prove I cannot parent.  And since I have recently discovered that they are reading my blog I would like to say how sad it is that they cannot act adult enough to deal with me to address issues but attack me through my child and that they don’t acknowledge the damage they are doing.  I could also never have predicted how difficult and depressing the weeks leading to the anniversary would be and how sad and angry I still am.  Even though my eyes will not heal, I have much more healing to do and that will take a long time.

At the core, I am still the same Beth in both good and bad ways.  I am resourceful, persistent and creative. And I am also sometimes impatient and often forget to take care of myself.  What drives me and defines me is the same- those things have not changed because I am visually impaired.  At what is interesting is that I am so used to not being able to see (or see differently) that it is now my new normal.  And that is a normal I can and will live with and flourish in spite of until my vision returns.

So here is to my second year of visual impairment. I am hopeful I will continue to learn and grow and live my life according to my purpose and values. And to live with little fear and the faith to always move forward. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger.  So, I am stronger and will continue to get stronger (whatever that means).

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 22, 2011-Volume 36: The Mini Blog

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 36: The Mini Blog

This week I am writing a short blog as I have had my daughter at home with me all week.  I will talk some about my plans for the year anniversary of my accident, and those plans and the issues I have been dealing with as I approach the anniversary will be the focus of the next blog.

My WTF of the week is that my 17 year old cat, Bruni, has been diagnosed with a condition where she is now visually impaired and cannot see well without light.  So, I would like to welcome Bruni to the low vision club.  The vet had all these instructions about leaving on lights at night so she can navigate to use her litter box and get to her food. Naturally I understood her low vision needs and luckily since her mommy also does not navigate well in the dark, there are lights on already.  Her condition arises from old age and she is also having problems hearing. Overall it makes her more docile and somewhat funnier.

This week I can’t get enough of the drums.  I have begun my drum lessons and, according to my instructor, I am a natural. I have always wanted to play the drums so I am totally jazzed about finally learning.   My next step is to by a beginner set of electronic drums on which to practice.  I have to bring in some songs to learn and for some reason chose a Journey song and will probably do a Beck song like E-Pro, but I have a dream that one day I will be playing Rush and Metallica songs. And of course I will also be singing while playing the drums.

So this Sunday is the year anniversary of my accident and on that day I decided to do two things.  Those two things are the ones I have not been able to do in a year; drive a car and ride a bike. I will be doing these things on rural roads outside of Columbia so have no fear, you are not in danger. I plan to write all about my adventures in next week’s blog.

And I must admit that the approaching anniversary has been more difficult than I thought it would be.  In sum, I have been in a funk the past two weeks and I am not sure why.  Once I get past the anniversary I will reflect on it and write about it.  But it did catch me by surprise.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 6, 2011-Volume 35: The Advocacy Blog

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 35: The Advocacy Blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvdCLM1aK9U&feature=player_detailpage

Lately I have been helping my partner deal with his aging mother, who fell again last week, breaking several ribs and puncturing a lung. During the process of working with him to find a long term placement for her, I realized two things; that life keeps throwing us curve balls and that I am really good at hitting those.  By this I mean I seem to be good at dealing with crisis and at being an advocate who gets things done.  So lately I have thought about doing just that, becoming an advocate for the disabled and elderly.  I have been wondering about my next steps and these could be it, and that is the focus of the blog.  But first…………….

My WTF of the week is the insanity of the Build a Baer Workshop.  For five and a half years I have managed to avoid the place and convince my child there was no such thing. And by the way thanks to the six year old who recently told my daughter that there was not only a Disney World, but a Disneyland.  I had kept that one under wraps and am still pretending I had no idea these places existed.  So, somehow my child learns about the Build a Bear and makes a request to go there for her half birthday.  Thanks to my sister for instituting the half birthday concept, which even includes gifts.  So on the fourth of July we end up at the madness that is the Build a Bear, whose sole purpose is to make you part with as much money as is possible because your child insists on dressing and accessorizing a stuffed animal.  What I did not realize is that there are more than bears there-there are lots of animals from which to choose.  I was fond of one that for some reason smelled like chocolate, but Sadie picked a pretty cool white cat that had some glitter and hot pink accents.  After they stuff the animal, with your child's help because they push a foot pedal, they go through an elaborate ritual of having your child put a heart in the animal and then kiss it and make a wish. Then it’s off to give the animal, which of course has taken on human qualities, a bath which consists of things that look like faucets but are relay just blowers to get the extra fuzz off.  Before you give it a name and make the birth certificate, which makes it a real live person, they have tons, and I mean tons, of outfits and accessories for the animal.  At first Sadie picked out some Hawaiian costume with a lei. I was curious as to why a cat needed a lay.  I told Sadie all the cat needs is a litter box and some food and I was not sure why it needed the clothes, shoes headband and sunglasses.  She insisted the cat needed an outfit, so I have to admit I did get a little carried away when she picked out a super glittery sequined top, because the blind girl loves shiny things, so of course I had to find the perfect bottoms and them we decided she was a rock star so we needed a microphone and cool glasses.  At this point I was sucked in, making several wardrobe and accessory choices.  But I stopped short of her needing a hot pink glittery purse because what does a cat carry that makes a purse necessary. Sadie named her Lovina and we punched in the info for the certificate which probably also means we will get tons of solicitations and they will track us till the ends of the earth.  The total cost for said Lovina was $42. I think I actually gasped because I could have gotten us matching mother and daughter dresses at Target for that.  And at the point you are at the register you can’t really defrock or de-accessorize without causing trauma to your child. I vow to never return there.  But admittedly Lovina is a very cool and well-dressed cat.

This week I can’t get enough of the TLC series My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.  It is oddly mesmerizing.  The gypsies love hot pink on their nails and in their dresses and even as a color for their cars.  The amazing thing is the wedding and first communion dresses.  They are like 10 feet wide and one even had lights on it and butterflies.  And the gypsies love glitter and they spray tan their children.  One interesting thing is that the Irish Travelers (gypsies) live in trailers because big duh, they travel. But they don’t have bathrooms in the trailers because that is unsanitary and they use the bathroom outside.  Still trying to figure that one out.  Of course there are serious matters that gypsies face like discrimination and the UK government bulldozing their settlements, but let’s get back to the dresses and the large caravans and raucous partying after the ceremony.  I wish I could have seen the pageantry a little better, but I had my daughter providing commentary on all the fabulous fashions and she has decided her own wedding dress should be hot pick with blue lights and butterflies. How cool is that.  She also felt there was no problem with the younger sisters wearing matching wedding gowns or the fact the travellers get married at the ripe old age of 16.  Great!

It seems as though I have been helping people solve issues with the health care system lately and I seem to be good at it.  After my accident and having to navigate the system I thought about becoming an advocate for the blind, but did not pursue it.  Now I am in the position of helping to advocate again while at the same time my coaching clients are despairing.  I also have been consulting on health care initiatives.  So, as usual I am trying to figure out what all of this means for what I am supposed to be doing in my career.  And I have come to realize that I should begin focusing on being a health care coach and advocate for those with medical issues and disabilities. And that is what I am going to do.  I see my job as helping families set short and long term goals, work through problems, research interventions, resources and programs available and go to battle with them dealing with the government, hospitals, social workers, health care systems or whatever system they are trying to navigate.  I am good at fighting battles and I have found that I bring objectivity, compassion, empathy and experience to the issues families are facing.  Right now my goal is to do this for as low of a cost as I can bear, which is probably about 50 an hour.  But I am pretty efficient, so in 5 hours I could possibly accomplish what it would take some families weeks or months to get done.  Eventually, maybe if I wrote my book and make some money, I would like to offer my services for free.  This is my way of giving back and of sharing all I have learned about navigating systems as a consultant, as a patient and as a person with a disability. 

I have also realized that when you get to a place where you feel happy and content life keeps happening and bad things happen, even in the midst of all the good. That is what makes up life, the blend of small miracles and huge surprises and tragedies.  I am not sure than life would be interesting without this mix.  My experiences have made me a strong person who can stay centered and somewhat calm and level headed through the surprises and tragedies and for that I am so grateful.  So my calling may be to share this strength with others.  I am in the early stages of figuring it all out. But I am sure whatever I decide to do I will do it wholeheartedly and with integrity.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock