November 23, 2011-Volume 51: So Many Things for Which to Be Thankful

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 51:  So Many Things for Which to Be Thankful

This week I wanted to write a short blog to reflect on all the things for which I am thankful.  I am thankful for my daughter who brings light and joy into my life.  She is a truly loving and good kid who is creative, smart and funny. I am thankful that this year I found my life partner-a man who is warm, funny, wicked smart, talented and has a wonderful heart. I am thankful for having family and close friends who support me and listen to me. I am thankful I have the means to support my family. I am thankful for those who have helped me work out a transportation system that allows me to get to where I need to be. I am thankful I can continue to have an impact on people and organizations and make positive changes in the world and I am thankful for the technology that allows me to do that. I am thankful that there are innovations that will make my life easier moving forward like the new smart phones, the driverless car, and of course the stem cell regrowth of the retina that will one day give me back my vision.

I am thankful for many things that I seem to have come to possess, talents ad gifts that are somehow innate or have developed over time.  I am thankful that I am a good problem solver and am resourceful.  I am thankful that I am a positive person who does not take life too seriously.  I am thankful that I understand the importance of gratitude and forgiveness.  I am thankful that I have learned to choose healthy relationships.  I am thankful that I have confidence and a belief that I can do most anything I set my mind to.  I am thankful that I am able to take risks and be OK with that. I am thankful that I have the communication skills that allow me to possibly teach and inspire others. I am thankful that I understand that I am in control of my life despite the fact that life is sometimes chaotic. And I am thankful that I am healthy and am able to be physically active.

I am thankful that I continue to put myself out there and that people are interested in what I have to say.  So thank you, those who read my blogs and those who send me positive energy and thoughts.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 16, 2011-Volume 50: Why are so Mamy People Swimming in the kiddie Pool

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 50:  Why Are So Many People Swimming in the Kiddie Pool (Grow up please)

I did not mean for my 50^th blog to be about this topic, but in the last week something happened that made me so angry (warning, this is an angry blog) that I began to reflect on some people’s inability to act like adults and own their behavior.  I call these people kiddie pool swimmers and that is the focus of the blog. But first………………………….

My WTF of the week is the thing that began my reflections on kiddie pool swimmers.  As you may know from past blogs, I had a person do a very horrible and dysfunctional thing to me just four days after I was home from the hospital from my accident.  Basically a woman that had been hanging out with my newly ex-boyfriend, showed up at my house (I had only met her once at a birthday party) and decided that first she needed to see me as weak and did so by bringing me a DVD of a book that I had and still use all the time with clients to suggest that I needed lots of help. She then proceeded to go into detail about how close she was to my ex-boyfriend (note, we had been broken up less than a month), how she had told him it was not fair of him to date me if he did not love me and how much she was hoping to have a long term relationship with him.  She also indicated she had been hanging out with him prior to our breakup, knew lots about our issues and was his main confidant.  If I was not completely blind, on bed rest and in massive pain, I would have hauled her nasty self out of my house by her hair. My ex-boyfriend denied she was a close friend and was appalled at her behavior and said he did not want to have anything to do with her.  I said that if he decided to continue a relationship with her, I would not have any type of communication with him.  So now, 15 months later, when my ex and I have an amicable relationship, I find out that he has been seeing this person, but failed to tell me and also that he had talked to this person about that day and decided that she did not have any ill intentions in coming to my house (why are some men so dense).  I don’t think I have ever used the F bomb so many times consecutively when I confronted him about their relationship.  And now I am no longer speaking to him and I never will again.  It is disappointing that someone who claims to be your friend, care about you and have respect for you can engage in such a dysfunctional relationship with someone who intentionally tried to territorial piss on me and kick me when I was down. What has surprised me is how I have lost all positive regard for my ex because of it.   Hope they both have fun swimming in the kiddie pool.

This week I can’t get enough of media.  First, I saw the movie The Book of Eli (with Denzel Washington).  It had a very interesting twist in the end and the twist has something to do with what I deal with every day (hope this is not a spoiler).  I will say that the movie confirmed that I can learn to do just about anything.  Plus, the music was very cool- a more modern version of Vangelis. I also just saw Two and a Half Men for the first time.  Yes, I know it has been on for years, but I don’t watch a lot of network TV.  That show is hilarious and I cannot believe what they are getting away with saying on TV.  What happened to the censors?  Some of it is really dirty.  But since I like bawdy humor, I dig the show now and I get why it is so popular.  And I would also like to thank Fox for moving House back to its 9pm slot. Lastly I learned that the best way to screen toys is to look at videos of them on YouTube.  I checked out informational and instructional videos on some of the things I was going to buy for my daughter for Christmas and the videos really helped me make decisions about what to purchase.  I know there is lots of useless stuff on YouTube, but there is also highly informative and educational content (my life coaching tip of the week videos) such as The Kahn Academy.  I could spend hours watching the Kahn Academy videos.  Watch these and you can both seem and be super smart! I can have an intelligent conversation about mitochondrial DNA.

Lately I have noticed that many people who claim to be adults act like children or adolescents.  In general these are people who are insecure, petty, spoiled, don’t take responsibility for their actions, shift blame, tell little white lies, think they are entitled or that the world revolves around them, and do mean and insensitive things to others.  All this is adolescent behavior and is not the mark of a person who has learned to own their stuff, play nice with others and be accountable for their actions.  I call these people kiddie pool swimmers because they would drown in the deep end of the pool that is real life.  I don’t want these people in the adult pool, because they can’t swim and end up trying to hang on to you and bring you under.  Kiddie pool swimmers must have shallow enough water because the only way they can keep their head above it is to be able to stand up.  When we learn to swim and are good enough to swim in the deep water we can do laps when we want to, float comfortably if we choose and if big waves come at us we know how to roll with them.  People in the kiddie pool can only splash others, walk around in circles because the pool is small, and would drown if a wave hit them. 

People in the kiddie pool have somehow stalled in their personal growth.  They have stalled at times because they have not done the work to figure out how to get past the bill of goods they were sold by their families and separate enough to become their own self.  For many of us who had less than perfect childhoods this means doing therapy and getting to the core of your issues and dumping the baggage.  As I have said before I have been doing that work for years and literally puked up all the stuff I was holding and discovered my core issues and own them.  I think, as a woman and hell, admittedly as a somewhat attractive woman, I got away with adolescent behavior for a while because it was excused by those I dated. Being not right on the inside and being childish and unhealthy in that core place does not serve us well as we get older.  This is especially true for women, because in men we label it as a mid-life crisis. I tell my women clients and friends to get to know themselves and explore their issues and take responsibility for their baggage and actions in their late 20’s or early 30’s, because petty, childish behavior looks worse on us as we get older.

As a life coach I enjoy helping people get unstuck and sometimes that means modifying behaviors that keep them in the kiddie pool.  I have respect for those who seek guidance in trying to achieve personal growth.  But in my personal life I admit to having limited tolerance for kiddie pool swimmers who do not realize they are not swimming in the adult pool, but shift blame and responsibility and anger and whatever else to you because you are not playing their kiddie pool games or live in a false reality that they are swimming in the deep end. 

In the end, we deep end swimmers scare the hell out of those in the kiddie pool. Our confidence, competence, strong sense of self and our understanding of accountability give us power and the adolescents are still rebelling and whining. I highly recommend a swim in the adult pool where the water is deep but friendly and inviting.  The kiddie pool is just full of pee.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 9, 2011-Volume 49: The Consequences of Asking Your Child to Make a List for Santa

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 49: The Consequences of Asking Your Child to Write a List for Santa

This past weekend, in order to get a jump on my shopping (since everything takes longer), I asked my daughter to make a list of the things she wanted for Christmas so that we could get the letter off to Santa.  Things quickly got out of hand and that is the focus of this blog.  I have no WTF or I can’t get enough of this week because they all seem to revolve around the Santa list.  Although I must mention I am quite amused by the fact that my boyfriend, a former juggler, took the time to break out not only the juggling balls, but also discs and these things that looked like bowling pins.  He also had these things called Luna sticks which were awesome.  I could handle the Luna sticks, but I must admit I am a terrible juggler.  Must be the gap in my vision because I kept losing track of the ball or it could be my poor motor coordination or both.  So, there will be no blind juggling act in the future for me. Not sure my daughter has a future in juggling either since her throwing of the balls ended up being overhand throws or underhand bullets that all ended up flying across the rim and hitting you in the crotch area.  I many not have to worry about boys, her aim is good and when she demonstrates Karate kicks she always seems to land them in the groin area.

This is the first year I have had my daughter make a list for Santa.  One reason is because she can write and has some definite opinions about what she wants. The second reason is because this is the first year I did not hit the after Christmas toy sale the previous year and pre-shopped, hiding the toys in the closet for the next year. Armed with pen and paper she quickly had ideas for the list, so I think she had planned some of these things already.  She started with at least 10 items and then kept thinking of new things over the weekend.  She would wake up and write more things or we would go somewhere and as soon as we got back she was looking for the pen to jot down more items.  I tried to tell her that Santa did not have an unlimited budget since he had to buy for so many. To this she scoffed. I stopped her at around 30 items when she had filled a page by saying there was a one page limit on the Santa list.

The first item on the list was the one thing I said I was never ever going to break down and buy-an American Girl Doll.  I had heard about the American Girl Doll Syndrome which causes adults to spend copious amounts of money and even travel to NYC to the American Girl store.  I heard about the dolls having dogs and tea parties. It all sounded bizarre to me. Plus, it is a doll and dolls are just scary.  I recently started getting the catalog in the mail and I would quickly look through it and discard it before Sadie got home (I do this with most toy catalogs). While looking through one I decided the historical dolls with their accompanying stories could be OK and that I particularly liked the one who was from the 70’s.  So we went online to the website and looked through the line of historical dolls and she chooses, without any interference from mommy, the 70’s doll.  Her name is Julie and she has on a very cool outfit.  Later I went back to the site to buy the doll and started looking at the outfits and furniture and I must admit I got a little carried away.  Julie has this awesome banana bike and a cool dining room with a fondue set.  Her bedroom furniture and accessories are the epitome of 70’s pre disco/post hippie chic and her outfits, like the floral jumpsuit (who does not love a jumpsuit) are so my mom with frosted hair in 1974. Problem is the stuff is so expensive I could buy an actual bike, fondue set and clothes for me or Sadie for less than the ones for this doll.  I broke down and got the book with her story because when I read more about her I found poor Julie was dealing with the divorce of her parents in the early 70’s.  And I was like; hey I was dealing with the divorce of my parents in 1974, how uncanny.  Sadie had no clue about the story; she based her choice on her long straight blond hair and clothes. But I decided I kind of like the doll too and am happy Santa is getting her.

Old school toys must be back because my daughter also had many things on her list that I played with growing up like Hungry Hungry Hippos, Simon, Uno, Lincoln Logs and Operation.   Those will definitely be under the tree or birthday gifts because I want to play with them.  Operation is one of the best toys ever. I can’t wait till she is old enough for Battleship or Clue. And I saw new Barbie camper on TV and I thought man I so want that because that was my favorite Barbie thing ever growing up.  But since we don’t do the Disney or Barbie thing I can’t get it.  Soon I am going to break down on the moratorium against Barbie because I am going to really want that damn camper.

I also love that she put foodstuffs on her list that I will place in her stocking including clementines, apples and Reese’s cups.  She also wants a slide whistle and a kazoo to go along with her instrument collection. I think the slide whistle will show up, but I am not sure if I can take kazoo playing. Some of the sounds on her electronic keyboard are bad enough and of course I had to get her that gathering drum a few months ago and it is freakishly loud.  To accompany all these instruments and her impromptu singing and dancing acts, she wants a microphone. Of course we are getting that so I can do my own performances.

Since I got the list first I decided what I wanted to get her for Christmas and her early January birthday, then I gave the rest of the list to her dad.  So he got all the stuff I don’t want to have in the house or really I don’t want to play with like the foot spa (what kid does so much walking or standing that they need a foot spa), koo koo birds or dogs or whatever else miniature thing that is “in”, an ice cream maker, and of course the new version of baby alive that pees and barfs.  I refuse to buy the strange things on commercials that seem to have no purpose except to take up space and eventually break. And I just can’t keep track if all these miniature things. Except of it was American Girl Julie’s fondue pot set- no way I would lose that.

In the end I think I end up choosing toys and games that I want to play because if she does not play with it, Mommy will. And I now choose toys that do not have hundreds of parts or small buttons or electronic crap (the vision thing). That’s why the old school stuff is so appealing. Aren’t we all nostalgic for the toys of our youth (please bring back Stretch Armstrong) and would rather be playing with them than working.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

November 2, 2011-Volume 48: Am I Getting Old or Am I still Cool?

The Adventures of the Blind/low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 48:  Am I getting old or am I still cool?

Over the past weekend I travelled to one of my favorite places, Asheville, NC, to attend the Moogfest.   What is Moogfest, you ask.  It is the celebration of the Moog synthesizer that forever changed music.  They have three days of bands who all use Moog instruments.  While I was there, amongst the diverse, yet mostly younger crowd, I began to wonder, after being wiped out by 10 at night, am I getting old or am I still cool because I am actually at the Moogfest? That is the focus of this blog.  But first…………….

My WTF of the week is the fact that the IPhone 4S is not the most magnificent thing for the visually impaired, as it was touted to be.  After reading articles and seeing YouTube videos of blind people using all these apps to do amazing things, I had to go test out and get myself the phone.  Just the fact I could have all my Kindle, audiobook and music content on the phone (and there is a Voice reader to tell me what those books and songs are) made me giddy.  And then I tested out the phone.  Then new Siri voice command system is useless if there is any background noise, the screen is too small to zoom up enough where I could see anything and the Voice reader that can read all the content is hard to find.  Then when you turn it on it changes the whole tap system so that you have to double tap everything to get it to open and you have to scroll with three fingers.  The people that helped us could not even get the double tap and three finger scroll down at first and they could see.  One suggested I cut my mails off so I could do it.  That is just too much to ask. The double tap had to be in quick succession or else it does not work and I was not that quick on the draw. So after about two hours of frustration trying to get the thing to work for me, I gave up and decided to call Apple to tell them what I needed them to change about their phone to make it more useful for the visually impaired.   And by the way, the full blown 5 is coming out soon and the screen will be bigger. If they can make the other changes I requested, then I will be happy. But I am only one person and I am sure they have a bigger market than just me.

This week I can’t get enough of strange musical instruments.  It all started with my boyfriend’s obsession with the Melodica-which is basically a tube connected to a thing that looks like a big harmonica or a small accordion with three octaves of piano keys.  Then we discovered the Kazukulele which is a kazoo on the neck of a ukulele.  I think someone just made this one up, but the YouTube videos are absolutely hilarious.  I have been obsessed with the Theremin for years after seeing a PBS special on it and they had Theremins at Moogfest.  The YouTube videos with the demos of the Theremins will also have you on the floor.  At Moogfest we played with several of the Moog products.  There was a cool one called the Little Phatty.  The sounds you can make on these things are amazing.  Although it is a nightmare for the visually impaired because there are tons of knobs and buttons with small labels.  So I just ended up randomly turning and sliding controls to see what happened.  I actually happened onto a sound that sounded like a Theremin.  Maybe I will call the Moog factory about making some stuff for the visually impaired.  It is amazing what you can do to make music now and the influence of digital music and technology. It is amazing how much music is now produced by one geek on a computer (see Dam Deacon as a prime example of this).  As a music lover, I am always looking for new and innovative stuff, so nifty instruments, sounds and technology excite me. 

And speaking of the Moogfest (see pictures), I thought I was cool because I not only knew what a Moog synthesizer was, but liked the bands enough to go to the festival.  I thought that made me cool.  While there I attempted to look cool wearing funky hats and my vintage coats.  But alas I realized I am still getting old.  For one thing, I could not handle the smoke at the outdoor venues.  There were a ton of people smoking and smoking various substances.  I expected the cigarettes (the normal and clove variety), but tons of people were smoking what I assumed was that salvia stuff. It smells like sweet pot and you could not move ten feet without getting hit by a blast of it.  Between all these smoking substances (I would say about 60% were lighting up), I just could not take all the smoke-it really bothered me.  That made me feel old and smell awful. 

Then there was the fact that I could only get through three shows before crapping out and needing to go to sleep.  Both nights I was done by 10 or 10:30, even though we had planned one night to see bands until 1am.  Why do I need so much sleep?  Again, it is because I am old and can’t keep up with the young pups. 

Third, I now have developed an aversion to strobe lights, which most of the bands used because strobes and Moog instruments go together.  They must have developed new technology to make strobes extra bright. They were unbearable so I could not even look at the stage most of the time.  I know part of it was because of my retinal damage, but it even was annoying my boyfriend. None of the younger people seemed at all bothered by the strobes or the lasers or the ear splitting decibel level of the music.  What makes this younger generation so impervious to these devices of torture? Is the Salvia that good?

And then there were the people in costumes, bearing lots of skin in frigid temperatures.  As you can see from the picture I am bundled up like Nanook of the North. I even had to buy gloves to stay warm.  Bit all around us there were youth wearing costumes that barely covered them and they had to be freezing (or really messed up on drugs).  Was I impervious to cold when I was younger?  Yep, I must be getting old.

So in many ways I learned I can no longer keep up with the youngsters when it comes to partying or merely staying awake.  But at the B and B we were staying at there were two couples in their mid to late 20’s also there for Moogfest and we could hold our own in a music discussion with them.  Plus my boyfriend is a good friend of this dude called Analog man who is the number one producer of analog guitar effects and I thought the music engineer guy was going to jump up and down when he found this out- he was so impressed.  It was a kiss the ring moment. And the other geek music guy said he was going to see bands that had an 80’s influence and so I said I grew up in the 80’s and it would be interesting if current bands sounded like “The The” and I totally stumped him, because he had never heard of that band.  I have concluded that in some ways I am slowing down but I am still wiser than the young pups and in many ways I am still cool. So, as they say, age before beauty.  And I plan to always be cool (at least in my own mind).

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock