July 25, 2012-The Last Blog: One more special message to go, then I’m done and I can go home.

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-The Last Blog: One more special message to go, then I’m done and I can go home.

I am writing this last blog on the two year anniversary of my accident. In the last three blogs I focused on letting go of fear and the outcome and trusting in God. All these things have led me to be able to be open enough to live my unlived life, to do the things I always wanted to do. That is the focus of this blog. I am dispensing with the usual format to also talk about what I can see now, the things I miss about not seeing and the gifts my visual impairment have brought me.

My visual acuity is the same as it was a year ago, 20/400 and 20/800, but what I see has changed. My evolving brain is continuing to do a better job putting things together. So my depth perception is better, my color perception is better at times, and my brain knows how to fill in the gaps. My vision fluctuates daily, depending on the time of the month or if I have a headache or sinus pressure. There is no part of my visual field that is clear, even in the periphery. And there are some unusual aspects of my vision, like that I can see really attractive or really unattractive people better than I can see most people (which I think has to do with symmetry). I can fool most people into thinking I am fully sighted, most people have no clue until I tell them. I can navigate well, can run and ride the Ped E Cab with no problems, and have lots of ways to read and work.  In many ways I have continued to adapt and find the tools I need two work and live. My next purchase is the IPad 3 (which I am hoping is as awesome as everyone says it is). 

There are some things I miss doing and seeing like driving, reading a book I am holding in my hand and turning the pages, being able to relay see the beauty of nature and hiking difficult trails.  There are so many times I wish I could look at my daughter and see her face in detail (which is why I take pictures). I miss being able to tell what people are feeling because I am missing some of the unspoken language of facial expression. Sometimes I miss really being able to see my face or body, but in the end it has been very freeing. I also miss being able to see when Sadie is practicing writing in that moment or seeing her in the process of drawing. I can see it after under the magnifier, but it is not quite the same.

I have been given many gifts as a result of the accident. The knowing that we can survive almost anything and have amazing strength. The ability to see people for who they are and in their essence because I cannot really tell what they look like. The appreciation for the beauty of the world, which I can no longer see in detail, but in abstract. The growth that only comes from suffering and being humbled. The connection I have developed with God and the trust I have gained. The loss of the fear of the unknown and the ability to not only live with, but appreciate unpredictability and uncertainty. The confidence I have in myself and the willingness to continue to live a life that involves risk. The knowledge that I have the ability to forgive those that left after the accident because people just do the best they can. In the end I see myself as the same. I have chosen to be abled and not disabled, and I have chosen to have good boundaries and to be happy.

What this all has led me to is that I am, in sum, more open to life and to living that life. And what that means is living the unlived parts of life that I always suppressed or ignored. I could not be open if I had not done the work to accept what happened to me as part of my past and something I cannot change. In the stages of grief, acceptance is the last phase that allows you to move forward. I came to that place quickly and for that I am grateful.

For me, living my unlived life has meant doing all the things that I imagined would be awesome and make me happy. It was going back to what I wanted to be when I was little—I wanted to act, dance and sing.  So since my accident I learned an instrument and took vocal and dance lessons.  I will continue to dance and to sing and now that the songwriting has come out of nowhere and does not seem to be stopping, I am going to put my songs to music and arrange them with the help of others and maybe perform and record them. I want to take ballet next so I can dance in a high level contemporary dance class by January. And I will write the book based on this blog.

Living my unlived life also meant challenging myself to do physical things I never thought I could do. So this fall I really want to run a half marathon and next year (a year late) I will participate in a sprint triathlon. I am nurturing my spiritual side by studying the Baha'i faith, something I ran across years ago but did not pursue. And I will continue to work on my relationship with and connection to God. I am not sure what will happen next in my work life. All I know is that I love what I do and would like to do more of it and reach more people. Because I am deserving of and open to love, I know that one day I will find a stable, loving partner (and it would be a real bonus if he could look like Johnny Depp).

I am continually thinking about how to teach all these lessons to my daughter. How do I raise a child that is open to life and its myriad experiences and has the strength and wisdom to listen to her soul’s calling. One thing I know is that I am modeling that for her (and I know she is watching). The other thing I do is expose her to a range of experiences from which she can choose. And I try to always respect who she is and forget about what I would like her to be.

I do not know what is coming or what my life will be like in a month or year from now. What I do know is that in this present moment, two years after my accident, I am more fully alive, more grounded, more joyous, more wise and less angry, less scared, and less bitter or jaded than I was before the accident. That is what I call a miracle!

I want to thank all those who have been on my side these last two years. Thanks to all of you who have read the blog. I wrote it for me, as catharsis, but I hope readers took some nuggets away from reading it. The title of the blog, once again, is a Nirvana lyric. Here is the next line: “Love myself, better than you; I know it’s wrong, so what should do?” So try and love yourself and be open to everything. Be in the moment, pay attention, seek beauty and truth and laugh a lot. And keep moving forward, no matter how deep you are sinking into the muck.

July 18, 2012-Volume 74: Are You There God, It’s Me, Beth

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 74: Are You There God, It’s Me, Beth

My last four blogs are focused on how I have changed in the two years since my accident and the key things on which I am working to live a fuller life.  In the past two weeks I have talked about getting rid of fear, and letting go and not worrying about the outcomes.  In this, my second to last blog, I am going to focus on my process of learning to trust in God and the Universe. This has not been an easy task, because the Universe keeps kicking my butt. But I have learned to look beyond that to what is ultimately important. But first…………………..

My WTF of the week is SC Governor Haley’s vetoes of critical programs and services. Once again, I am embarrassed to say I live in this state and appalled at its politics. Here are some of the (I believe it was 81 items) she vetoed. What this says to me is that we do not care about educating our children, protecting our vulnerable populations or our environment, or moving into the 21^st century.  Now it is time for our legislators to override these vetoes. And I know this sounds passé, but this is neither a Republican issue nor a Democrat issue, they are human issues.

$10.1 million to support teacher pay raises

$1.9 million for the Arts Commission

$500,000 in Arts Commission grants

$1.5 million for technology for the Judicial Department

$1.2 million toward boosting enrollment at the Governor's School of Science & Math

$454,000 for SC Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

$428,000 for Sea Grant Consortium

$250,000 for Charles Lea Center for the disabled

This week I can’t get enough of rediscovering things you have not watched in years.  After a night of singing Nirvana songs (as you know I have a PA system and wireless mike, so there are many home Karaoke nights) I decided to go on YouTube and watch the 1993 Nirvana Unplugged and then watched some interviews with Kurt and the whole band. I had not watched that Unplugged in over 10 years and I was again completely mesmerized by the brilliance, beauty and pain of it. And the last interviews with Kurt are hard to watch. He looks lost to the world-a 27 year old that is completely spent. But, there is something to learn in it and something to marvel in at the same time. Then I watched the Shirley Temple movie “Heidi”.  Everyone in my generation has seen Heidi multiple times because it used to come on after the Super Bowl every year.  But I had not watched it since childhood, and I saw it in a whole new way. Heidi is totally philosophical and has better life lessons than most self-help books. It deals with fear, loss, change, the need for a place to be safe, spirituality, etc.  And I still could not get through it without crying.  I advise you to watch Heidi as an adult. There are tons of great take aways.

One of the hardest things I have been working on is in trusting in the Universe and God. This means so many things. It means I believe that God has a plan for me; it means that everything is going to work out according to this plan; it means there is something to learn in everything that happens and that everything happens for a reason. These words are easy to say, but much harder to believe in and live by. Mostly, because I am not sure what God’s plan for me is and most of the time I think the Universe is just trying to see how much I can take. 

I can honestly say God and I were not on the best terms after the accident. I was not sure why I was handed this fate or dealt with a series of truly life changing, heartbreaking events. But then I started asking the question I continue to ask today, “In my blindness, what am I supposed to see?” And it was the asking of that question that caused me to begin to pay attention to the Universe and not try to control it. Like an investigative reporter, I began questioning, why, how and what. Sometimes you get answers, sometimes you don’t. But the important thing is to ask them and to be present enough to look for the answers. So how does this paying attention translate into what I do and how I live every day. What it means is that I am more tuned into my inner voice, more present in the moment, more aware about what is going on around me, more interested in reality and not illusions, and more concerned with authenticity and deep conversations. I am also more open to learning and exploring outside of my comfort zone (which is now a huge zone).

The second step in my journey was learning to trust in God and the universe. I truly believe and always have, that I am here for a reason and that I can and have impacted the world. But I also used to believe in two things which I now believe are ridiculous, bad luck and deserving something. Being raised Latin means you hear a lot about bad luck and  evil spirits (and the need for all sorts of things to ward them off).  I used to think I had a ton of bad luck because crazy, bad things were always happening to me. And I used to believe that God was playing a huge joke on me and that the goal was to pull the rug out from under me whenever I felt stable. Now I think this is all untrue. What has happened to me, all the lows and highs, are part of the plan for me and in those times I was supposed to be learning and growing; gaming strength, insight and a little bit of wisdom. Mostly so I could handle the next thing that came along.  And that is why I could handle the change in my vision and could move forward so quickly; my life had prepared me to do this. And I did not deserve what happened to me and no longer think people deserve what they get or “what goes around comes around”. What I know is that bad things happen to good people and what it boils down to is not putting negative energy out into the Universe.

My life continues to prepare me for whatever is next. Sometimes I get annoyed at God because I have no partner, or because my business is not doing well (like everyone else’s) or because I just can’t seem to catch a break. But in the end I know that this is all happening for a reason and as part of God's plan. So instead of being mad all the time or feeling I deserve something more or comparing my life to other’s (always a bad idea), I have decided to trust that she/he and not I know what’s up. Every day I repeat the affirmations “I trust in God”, “God has given me everything I need” and I ask for the vision and strength to carry out God’s plan for me.  It and I am still a work in progress, but the change has been powerful and positive.

Next week, in my final blog, I talk about how I am finally living my “unlived” life and my hopes for the future.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

July 11, 2012-Volume 73: Letting Go of the Outcome and Living in the Moment

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 73: Letting Go of the Outcome and Living in the Moment

As I said in the last blog, my last four blogs will focus on how I have changed in the two years since my accident and the key things on which I am working to live a fuller life.  The four things on which I have progressed, and on which I continue to work are getting rid of fear, letting go and not worrying about the outcomes, trusting in God and the Universe and living my unlived life by letting my inner voice guide me.  In this blog I talk about how I am learning to let things go and to not get caught up in the end result. This was particularly challenging for someone who had consulted in outcomes evaluation and strategic planning for 15 years. How my mindset has changed is the focus of this blog. But first……………

My WTF of the week is how bad things happen in three’s (and maybe even four’s and five’s). It seems as if a cloud of negative energy has been hovering over my house for the past two weeks, causing crazy stuff and accidents to happen.  There was the Ped E Cab Trifecta of a broken seat belt, a pedal falling off in a major intersection and the charger not working. There was another crazy hate e-mail. Four lights in the house that require me to climb up a big ladder went out in two days.  There was the trying to curl my hair too quickly curling iron drop that resulted in a large burn on my leg.  And the best was the massive hair extension knot that occurred while I was swimming. Let’s just say it involved almost all my hair and took 6 hours to get out. What the heck is going on? Does this happen to anyone else?  I am doing my affirmations to dispel the negative energy. I may need to smudge.

This week I can’t get enough of the Baha’i Faith.  Years ago, after I did my own comparative religion study by reading books on both western and eastern faiths, I decided my beliefs aligned closely with the Baha’i faith. I looked up the groups that met and then, interestingly, did nothing. A few months later I found myself back at or in the safety of what I knew, the Catholic mass. But that stint did not last long. I was reminded about the Baha’i faith as I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN (which you should be watching too). Oprah was talking to Rain Phoenix front The Office about his project Soul Pancake (which you should also check out). He is a Baha’i and was talking about his faith and said some awesome things like creativity is a form of prayer and how in the faith everyone and all religions and perspectives are accepted. So, even though I am not supposed to talk about religion, I am. Soon I will be saying, “Hi, I’m Baha’i:

I used to hold things tightly, to be driven and oriented toward making things happen.  I used to get anxious when I could not control things or get things right. Those things made me driven, on the one hand, but stressed on the other. I also did not handle loss well. There was a lot of self-flagellation when things did not go my way or turn out as I expected. That is who I was before the accident. In sum, a person who at times felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. But when the randomness of the accident occurred and in the aftermath so many people did not act like I expected and things did not go at all like I thought they would or should, I realized I cannot predict or control anything.  With my expectations and my plans completely shot, I had two choices; give up all control and let it go or drown in “what if’s”, remorse and regrets.

For the past two years I have been working on letting things go. First what this meant was realizing how little of life was in my control and how little I could know about what others thought of me or impact how they acted toward me. The letting go was of not only control and the feeling I could have an impact on other people's perceptions or behaviors; it was also a letting go of anger and forgiving others.  I have talked about forgiveness in past blogs and it has been a theme for me.  It all started with forgiving myself for causing the accident, I was the one that rigged the bands that knocked out my vision and it was an act of stupidity.  If I could not have forgiven myself for that, I would not be where I am. And if I could do that then I could forgive anyone. Letting go also meant letting go of who I was in the past and what I could do. The dreams and plans I had which in part relied on my ability to be a sighed person were no longer a possibility and I had to let go of those goals and create a new reality for myself and in that new reality, new expectations and new dreams. My new reality has just become reality and in this reality I don't focus much on the future or on how things will turn out.  Mostly because I have learned despite my best efforts and past notions that was somewhat of an intuit that I have no clue what will happen in the next month or week or day. And because I cannot predict, I do not live and act with the thought of how will this all turn out.  It’s a waste of my energy and time, and it is also freeing.

Letting go of the outcome means I try and focus on listening to my inner voice guiding me to do what I think I need to be doing in the present to best fulfill my mission in life and Gods’ plan for me.  I have things I want to do, of course, like write a book, but I am more interested in the process of the writing and don’t think much about what it will be or if it will get published or reach an audience. I am like this in my work life, I find myself not planning events ahead or thinking about marketing or coming up with a new way to draw in clients. My focus is just on putting out good stuff and working with my clients as best and authentically as I can.

Letting go has made me feel lighter. I know most of what other people do or think has nothing to do with me, that I really can't change people (especially those closest to me) and that there is no point in having an expectation or illusion of how things turn out, because that typically leads to disappointment. I have given up living in a world of illusion, which is a focus of A Course in Miracles, and have chosen to live in reality and to try and let that reality unfold and be revealed to me. I am neither the center of the universe nor master of the universe; I put my trust in God because that is his/her job. Because of all this, the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. And it feels awesome.

Two blogs left. Next week more talk on trusting in God and the Universe.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 27, 2012-Volume 72: Kicking Fear in the Ass

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 72: Kicking Fear in the Ass

As I thought about ending the blog and what I would write in these last 4 entries, I began to reflect on how I had changed in the two years since my accident and the key things on which I am working to live a fuller life. I came up with four key themes and each blog will address one of those and how I have changed.  The four things on which I have progressed, and on which I continue to work are getting rid of fear, letting go and not worrying about the outcomes, trusting in God and the Universe and living my unlived life by letting my inner voice guide me.  In this blog I talk about how my ways of facing my fears has evolved and how the fears have abated.  But first……………

My WTF of the week is the attire that is now worn when going out on the town, to places like bars and clubs.  I am talking specifically about what women are wearing, are actually, not wearing. When I was out this weekend I realized I did not get the memo about barely covering your butt and boobs and wearing super high heels. Basically, what I call streetwalker wear, which I guess is the new chic. I saw so many short skirts and dresses and kept wondering how they even slightly bend over without showing the goods. I mean, what happens if you drop something. Actually everything is so tight they really can’t bend over anyway (well not until way later in the evening). There were also many low, barely there tops. I thought why go through the trouble, just get some of those round Band-Aids and you are good to go.  Women of all shapes and sizes (and ages) were stuffed and I do mean stuffed into these unattractive outfits. These are the moments in life when I am glad to be visually impaired. I have figured out why I do not get approached when I go out-I am wearing too much clothing (damn my self-respect).  So I thought, I could have just put on a little bandeau top and also put one around the bottom to cover the privates (barely). A Bandeau is basically a tube top gathered in the middle. I came up with a saying “Bandeau, Bandeau, and I’m ready to go”. Which then brings me to…..

This week I can’t get enough of the fact that much too early in the morning (let’s just say about 2:30 am) I wrote a song that went with the above saying. I would normally not suggest songwriting at this time of night because the lyrics were a little crazy and really explicit (as they should be).  Of course it is a rap song and it is not done yet.  I envision it in the satire of the Andy Samberg songs on SNL, although nothing can ever, ever touch D**k in a Box.  But in a way it could also become a huge hit (not).  Disclaimer: if you are easily offended, skip to the more mature sections of the blog. Also note there are even more explicit lyrics that I am not including here. All opinions expressed are solely that of the author. This song is in no way indicative of the other songs I have written, really and truly.

With my side boob rocking and my booty hanging low

Bandeau, Bandeau and I'm ready to go

With my high heels clicking like a streetwalkin' ho

Bandeau, Bandeau and I'm ready to go

Push it up, pull it in, I don't need to hit the gym

Bandeau, bandeau and I'm ready to go

You can grope me, grind me, get on up behind me

No please, I'm a tease; I don’t get down on my knees

No card, no cash, drinking all night for free

Bandeau, Bandeau and I’m ready to go

So the fact that I put my rap in this blog demonstrates that I have worked very hard these past two years to overcome fear.  I had fears of failure, fears about how I was perceived and especially, fears about abandonment.  I felt a need to be in control and when I felt out of control my fears made me physically ill.  I had begun facing my fears before the accident, after failed relationships and the birth of my child. I think in some ways having a child can make you really scared, but also causes you to try and get a hold of those feelings. Then the accident happened; an event so random and so out of my control. Then the financial burden and custody battle that happened immediately after, coupled with not knowing how much sight I would have, converged into a list of unbelievable unknowns and uncertainties. These took me to a place, really a decision point, where I could give up, lie down and end it all, or I could let go and realize that nothing was in my control and I had everything to lose, but nothing to fear. I did the latter.

The core of my fears stemmed from something with which we all struggle-the feeling we may be unlovable and if people really knew us and really saw us they would not like us and would leave. I had that fear, in spades. It caused me to feel insecure in relationships and lonely and scared when not in relationships.   I can say that almost all of that is gone. To choose to live in a new way and figure out how to accept my disabled self, I had to really love myself. And in doing that and realizing that I was a loveable person who deserved to have a loving partner, I felt good in the spaces, the long spaces now, where I am alone. And being alone is now confortable because I always have me and always have my connection to God.  In truth I can never be abandoned.

I also felt a fear of failure and somewhat of disappointing others and lived my life as sort of a perfectionist. The need for control stemmed from a need not to fail and to do the best. That is also mostly, if not all, gone.  The accident got rid if much of that.  In that second where my life changed, I realized there is nothing in life in your control and you NEVER know what will happen next. And in my lack of ability or in my different ability there was absolutely no way to be perfect, so I gave up trying to be. There was and only has been a way to figure out how to do things the only way I can, and sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed, but I always try and my attempts are creative at their best and pathetic at their worst.  It is in the trying that I find joy and a sense of accomplishment.

Am I fearless now---no, and I never will be, but I do not face the overwhelming fear that blocked me from living my life in the ways I wanted. I think about, but do not fear, not being able to find a stable loving partner, given my life. I have the natural fears and worries that go along with being a parent. I think about finances and how I will make it.  But I know that I have everything I need, all the tools, all the gifts, to be able to be successful and the power to look for the clues that lead me to define what success means to me.  Because of the accident and the resulting physical state of blindness, I have more sight and vision about the way the world works through the realization that nothing is in my control, I have strength and power, I am loveable and deserving of love, and I have what I need to succeed. Those are things I did not see before I became visually impaired. Most importantly I have learned that the statement “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” is one of the truest things I know.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 20, 2012-Volume 71: I Woke Up with a Song in my Head and Now Have an EP

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 71: I Woke Up with a Song in my Head and Now Have an EP

About nine days ago I woke up with an idea for a song that formed quickly with lyrics and a melody. Since then I have written three more songs and have been living with them in my head and singing them.  I have no clue where they came from or if there are any more. My sudden and unexpected foray into song writing is the focus of this blog. But first……….

My WTF of the week is that there is hair returning after 7 rounds of laser hair removal. I thought the point of laser hair removal was that it is permanent. That is where I was wrong. I could not see, but started to suspect (by feel), that there were some hairs growing back, albeit thin and sparse. Then there was an unfortunate bikini incident which confirmed the presence of hair where there should be no hair. Should I have asked for the kind of hairy Sicilian package, which may have included more sessions? My next step was to use the epilator (that instrument of torture that rips out your hair like a million tweezers) on areas where no one and I mean no one should attempt to use an epilator, no matter what the sensitive area attachment and instructions say. So now I am checking for hairs, which are too thin and sparse for me to see, but which others can easily see, through placing my zoom camera on these areas-not for the faint of heart. This is too much work for me. So, I will now figure out how many more laser sessions I will have to do until the hair is actually permanently gone.

This week I can’t get enough of the NYC Housewives. I am unabashedly a huge fan of the NYC version as it is superior to the rest of the housewives. I like the three new women on the show. I love Aviva because she has a wonderful sense of humor about her fake leg. She brought an extra leg (a tanned one) to get a pedicure and has had some great lines like “my one leg is freezing”. I also love the morose Heather who loves to talk about her “issues”, as Ramona puts it. We are at episode three and I think I have heard about her son’s liver failure 25 times-way to milk it Bravo. And Carol is a shameless flirt who does not want to do commitment so I love her.  I wish I had her balls when it comes to approaching men. And this season Sonja just seems drunk all the time and Ramona has the crazy eyes look and strange tangential thought patterns. Luanne, who is my style hero and I may also rock her haircut in the near future, is so full of herself as always. I am looking forward to a great season as the New Jersey and OC Housewives have almost become unwatchable.

One of the main goals I had this summer was to begin reading through all the blogs I had written and turning them into a book. Having managed to avoid this task in May, I figured June was the month the book process would begin. But when I started thinking about the book I somehow could not muster up the energy to go through the old blogs. I thought I may just not have a book in me or maybe I am not really creative. In the midst of all this came the songs. They came after seeing some live music and hanging out with some singer/songwriters in Asheville, so maybe that is what inspired me. I had no plans to write songs, I just woke up one morning and the better part of a song with a melody was just there in my head. Half asleep I continued to write words and when I got up I made the decision to write them down. And there was a song. Interestingly it was kind of a country song.

I have written songs before, mostly in my 20’s. They were all angry chick songs and I likened myself to be the next Courtney Love or Kathleen Hanna or Kim Gordon. I rarely wrote the songs down. Pieces of them just came and went and seemed to make little sense later. I deemed them immature and amateurish. I even tried to learn to play the guitar so I could strum along with the songs. But that was just too much work.  So the song writing stopped as I got more mature and more responsibilities came my way.  That is, until now.

Once I wrote the first song another one came in the same day and by the third day I had three songs. A fourth came a few days later and when I wrote it down a fifth began to appear.  It is interesting that my songs sound country and folky because I do not like country music. The lyrics are simple and straightforward because I think and talk that way. They are brutally honest. I may have to write under a pseudonym so I still have friends and family who will speak to me.  So what do I do with these songs? Since I can’t read or play music (unless you consider playing the drums badly playing music) I need musicians to help me turn the lyrics and their melodies into a structure that makes a song. You know the verse chorus verse thing. I am not sure why I am making the effort now to do something with my songs. When I sing them I think to myself crazy stuff like, “I could hear Faith Hill singing this”. They actually seem like decent songs and not just angry immature crap. And I could be wrong. When I share them with other singer/songwriters, which I will be doing, they may think they are crap and also that I have no business singing. But I plan to sing my songs at an open mike in the near future and I am ready for the feedback. At this age, in this unplanned and unexpected adventure, what do I have to lose? I have everything to gain.

I think I should be thankful that, for some reason, the songs came to me. And I still plan to write the book. Maybe that will just come to me too. What I have realized, and probably have been preaching for months, is that it is never too late to do anything and sometimes you just have to go for it. To some it makes me seem scattered or all over the place. But to me it makes me feel open to new experiences and willing to take risks. What happens or does not happen with these songs will be fun to do and to watch.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

June 13, 2012-Volume 70: Girls Just Want to Have Fun (on their birthdays)

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 70: Girls Just Want to Have Fun (on their birthdays)

This year I took a much needed vacation on my birthday week. Originally this was supposed to be the Costa Rica Chickation (note that the OC Housewives took a trip this season to Costa Rica, which mas entirely my idea). So instead of Costa Rica I went to North Carolina (Asheville and Charlotte), to hang out with old friends and possibly meet new ones. I had a great time and realized I can still party and relax.  So, forgoing the usual blog format, below is a list of stuff one should do on a birthday vacation (at least this is a condensed version of what I did).

1)    Convince a childhood friend to go with you to someplace beautiful, Asheville, and stay at the best place there, The Grove Park Inn, just to be indulgent. Then spend a day at the Grove Park Inn Spa. It is amazing how many hours you can spend in the wet and dry saunas, going from the hot whirlpool into the cold dip poll (tingly) and relaxing in the eucalyptus room (which I am trying to recreate in my home). Then there are the many indoor and outdoor pools. I managed to get a tan, float while listening to relaxing underwater music and have jets and sheets of water hit all parts of my body mimicking deep tissue massage. And of course I had to get in a bit of exercise and swam 35 laps in the lap pool, which no one else was doing. But for me, swimming is relaxing. We were there about 7 hours with no phones or distractions or worries or cares.

2)    Eat some good food like the fried green tomatoes at Tupelo Honey, the fantastically huge shrimp at the Grove Park Inn, the super fresh sushi at Wasabi (where I drank my first cold sake), Turkish food around midnight at Intermezzo in Charlotte, and an awesome home cooked meal at the Gittings home. . We ate well and clean for the most part and no one had to cook.

3)    Shop for something awesome. I did some vintage shopping and bought a great long Carol Brady polyester skirt. I love the late 60’s look, so the skirt was a score. Having fun is trying on outrageous things and somehow thinking that you could rock them. A few days later I bought a super sexy dress from Bebe that I plan to wear on special occasions (with high heels).

4)    Listen to some great music and dance. At the Orange Peel we saw too fabulous but very different acts. A punk mariachi band called Mariachi Del Bronx and a group called the Tune Yards. The lead person in the Tune Yards sings over her own loops while playing percussion-mostly a base and snare drum. This gave me some ideas so there may be experimental music going on in my garage with the electronic drum set. Check them both out. You can do some good salsa moves to the Mariachi and some classic rave twirls to the Tune Yards. And of course the orange Peel in Asheville is a stellar place to hear bands and watch people.

5)    End up at an interesting Tiki Bar where you could not predict what will happen. We witnessed an almost fight which turned into a Bromance in less than 10 minutes (oh the joys of alcohol and the complexity of the male species) and met some singer/songwriters that had come over from a gig around the block. Part of my birthday present was having a conversation with a smart, no BS and passionate about his music singer/songwriter that you should definitely check out named Shane Cooley. I did not hear him play but when I got back and listened to his music and watched his videos I found that he was super talented and makes great music.

6)    Go for some perks using your birthday as an excuse. We managed to get a free indulgent buffet breakfast because an alarm went off at 2am the first night at the hotel and ruined my birthday (not really, but this was the speech my mom calling as her travel agent self  gave to the hotel to score us the breakfast). Being that several drinks were consumed the night before and someone was up until what seems like 5am there was not as much gusto and overeating that usually occurs at buffets, especially those that are free. But the food was good.

7)    Extend your birthday into a birthday week and hang out with longtime friends in Charlotte.  We did both the family stuff at a cookout and the going out stuff in NODA. That night we ended up at a pool hall/karaoke bar with some barely tolerable singers. I really wanted to do karaoke as it is on the bucket list and I was all ready to take the mike. But the book of songs was lengthy and I realized I would have to pick a song to which I knew all the lyrics because I could not see the screen with the words. Now, that was a challenged and we tried to devise ways to have someone feed me the lyrics when I got stuck but could not find a way to make it work (mostly because it was almost 2am and our brains were not so sharp). It was almost last call so alas the search for a song ended and no karaoke for me. If they would have had what I am currently singing in home karaoke, like Video Games by Lana Del Ray or Last Day of Magic by the Kills or Terrible Love by the Nationals I would have been up there. Next time I am there I am doing We Belong by Pat Benatar.

8)    Have some unexpected bizarre events happen. I had a weird out of town run in in a bar with someone-in this case the ex-wife of an ex-boyfriend.  I got into at least one late night crazy argument with my soul mate who has been connected to me in several past lives that ended up with an I just want to punch you moment and what are we trying to work out here. Them I missed a step at a pool and twisted my ankle while being surrounded by surgically enhanced 20sonethings in string bikinis. And I had at least one conversation discussing past lives astrals and avatars. These are the things that make life interesting.

So what did I learn here, when I reflect on the week. First, I have great friends. Thanks to Leonore, Amy and Rusty (who drove 4 hours from the beach to meet me in Charlotte). I found I like to kick back and have a good time and have some adventures. For a week I get to step out of my role as single mom, business owner and somewhat upstanding member of the community to be the other parts of myself which are fun and free. And I could have pushed it more. There was definitely one adventure I backed out of, regretfully. But I like being in places where no one knows me and there are no cameras recording what I am doing because I do want to be in some kind of politics later in life and don’t need skeletons in the closet. The week also reinforced that I need to commit to planning adventures (as much as you can do that) or just times to let loose and have fun into each week. The week convinced me, a person often described as unapproachable, that the right people with the energy I am looking for will want to hang out or talk or be with me in general.

Half my life is probably over, but I still feel really young and vibrant and energetic.  I think fun, freedom, creativity, and taking risks in a kind of “oh, what the hell” attitude keep me that way. Age is a number and that is about all it is. And there is nothing more powerful than being young at heart and open to new experiences, while having the wisdom, self-awareness and confidence that come with age.

Party On and Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 23, 2012-Volume 69: What Else Should I Be, All Apologies

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 69: What Else Should I Be, All Apologies

Recently I decided that I may have acted badly during the months of January through April. Lots of stressful stuff was happening and I was, at times, not handling things well. So the universe gave me some signs and one night, rather late, I started writing apology e-mails.  What got me there and what I learned is the focus of this blog.  But first………….

My WTF of the week is the commercials that are really porn-oriented. And by this I mean they are filled with overt sexual overtones.  The KY ads are just plain stupid and it worries me that the implication is that couples need all these aids to make time for sex.  There is a thing called skill. My guess is that men who are not getting much come up with these gems. Then there are the commercials that are filled with sexual innuendo. My favorite of the moment is the Liquid Plummer Double Penetration commercial. Please tell me you have seen this one where the two buff men pose on either side of a woman and there is a line that says something about a long snake penetrating deeply. The narrator has a deep Barry White voice and there is some sexy music (the type you may put on for an evening of fun at home) in the background.  OMG these ad men are watching too much adult programming. Or maybe I am wrong and women are coming up with these commercials (doubtful).

This week I can’t get enough of memory foam mattresses.  While shopping for a mattress for my daughter, I was tempted to try out the memory foam mattresses. Soon I was lying on every memory foam mattress there was.  Like Goldilocks I had to try them all and decide if it was too soft or too hard or just right. I decided the firm Temperpedic memory foam is the best mattress ever. When I tried it out it automatically conformed to my body. I did not want to get up, ever and I thought how do people get out of bed every day if this is the bed on which they are sleeping. I would be in the bed floating on a foamy cushion of total comfort as much as possible.  It reminded me how inferior my current mattress is and how could I have wasted so much of my life sleeping on a bed without this memory foam. I was blown away by the cost, however which quickly ended my hopes and dreams for being able to sleep on the memory foam mattress. Basically, they are the price of a used car or a really nice vacation. So I developed a theory of why people with money are successful and can be even more successful, it is because they can afford a memory foam mattress and are getting the benefits of much better sleep. With quality sleep, they are more energetic and their minds are sharper and process things more efficiently and they are generally in a better mood. The rest of us mere mortals don’t stand a chance, unless we can finance one of these mattresses and pay on it for years to ensure a quality sleep experience.  One day, one day, it will be mine.

So the universe recently gave me a few signs that maybe I was not being my best self the first quarter of the year. I had a string of events pile up that were out of my control and as a result was under a great deal of stress. Sometimes, I do well under stress and sometimes I hit the wall. At some point I must have hit the wall because I noticed I was holding onto a lot of anger and negative energy. I have done the work to get that all cleared out and am in a better place. But in looking back, which I admit to not doing so much, I realized I may have been a difficult person with which to engage. Let’s just say I was being a little bitchy at times. So, one night it came upon me that there were a handful of people that had disappeared from my life and I decided the bitchy thing may have been the reason why. I felt a need to apologize so I began writing apology e-mails.  I felt lighter and better when I did this and I hoped I had mended some bridges.

Interestingly enough, only one of the people to whom I apologized actually had a problem with something I did. The rest were surprised that I felt the need to apologize and said I had done nothing to hurt or offend them and did not need to apologize. This was news to me. Maybe I can hold things back and fake it better than I thought; maybe I am not so bitchy after all. The act of sending the apologies, whether they needed to be said or not, was the important thing to me. What I realized is that I really do not want to do anything to offend or hurt people in any way. And I strive to be a good person. I work on forgiveness all the time and I think I hope that others can forgive me and also be honest enough to tell me when I have done something to upset them. This open communication is important and I don’t think you can have authentic relationships without it.

So, in the final analysis I come back to my desire to live authentically and to have authentic relationships with people who also live authentically. It is a theme that keeps repeating and getting more important as I get older. I am learning I have little tolerance for BS or drama, even though it sometimes lands in my lap. I have learned to try and self-monitor, admit when I am angry or sad or resentful and own those feelings and most importantly, have enough respect for people and friendships so as to not damage them by my behavior.  And if I can do that, and apologize when I need or (or even when I don’t) I am doing right by myself.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 9, 2012-Volume 68: An Ode to my Ped E Cab

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 68: An Ode to my Ped E Cab

This week I am dispensing with my normal blog format to gush over my new Ped E Cab Electric Tricycle. But next week get ready for a blog about me waking up in the middle of the night sending out apology letters to tons of people. But back to the Ped E Cab.  Her name is Polly Persephone the Pink Ped E Cab. Polly was Sadie’s choice, Persephone was mine. She is hot pink and I have included pictures to show how magnificent she is.  Note the awesome details.  The front lights look kike an owl and butterflies. The side reflectors are the yin and yang symbol and there are cool wave like swirls under the front seat. She was made in Southern California so that makes her rad.

Polly Persephone is not only stylish and cool, she is practical and green. She has a rechargeable battery that can go 25 to 30 miles on one charge. She can obtain speeds of 15 to 20 miles per hour. She is the size of a regular tricycle, so I can ride on the street or on the sidewalks. And it can be pedaled so it is classified as a bike. No need for insurance or a pesky license. As you can see it has a moped look so it has a cool horn, turn signals, brake lights and head and tail lights so that you could ride at night (which I won’t be doing.  I also bought a canopy so we can ride it rain or shine. And the back seat has a seatbelt and lifts up for storage so I can go grocery shopping or make a Target run. No more days where I am jonesing for chocolate and can’t get a fix.

Thus far the Ped E Cab is a big hit. We have been stopped many times so people can ask us what it is, what it does and where can they get one. We get lots of waves and thumbs ups and have heard people calling out “that is cool”, which makes us feel like rock stars. I have a plan to do the first episode of Pimp my Trike. I want to make it super flashy with silver streamers and cool decals, but my child is anti-stickers. Go figure, I want the glitz and she wants it simple. When did she become sticker aversive? I think I can at least get the streamers on without much protest.  

The main thing the Ped E Cab has given me is more independence and freedom. I took my child to school, and we went to the grocery store, to eat at a restaurant and to get mani/pedis. Just she and I, without a driver, and that freedom was priceless. In addition she loves to ride in the cab seat, throwing up her hands and yelling “faster mommy, faster”. She is definitely my child.  And it makes me feel sassy and young. The other day I wore pigtails while riding it, sporting my helmet with flowers and pink straps.

I am starting a Ped E Cab revolution. Everyone should get one who lives in town. We could have Ped E cab rides and rallies and a Ped E Cab accoutrements swap. A girl can dream. For now, I am on my Ped E cab every day, feeling free and taking in the sights. If you see me or us, give us a shout out!

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 2, 2012-Volume 67: Is Freedom just another word for nothing left to lose?

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOI) Girl: Volume 67: Is Freedom just another word for nothing left to lose?

I am a stable, organized person who is responsible and somewhat of a risk taker. Lately, I have been wondering, however, if I am free in the sense of being able to let go, have a good time, and do things I want to do, not just what I have to do. At times I envy those that can just go out during the week, or take a vacation, or buy something extravagant, or drive a car. Not because those things would make me happy, but it is those things that would make me feel more free. The concept of feeling free is the focus of this blog. But first…………

My WTF of the week is the fact that I received the absolute meanest, most vicious e-mail ever from a person I do not know and have only spoken to twice in a professional matter.  I have to put some of the quotes so you can get a sense of the level of nastiness. Please note I did not correct spelling or grammatical errors.  “I guess some people think everything is owed to them and appreciate nothing. I cant imagine what you teach people through life by design. I can only hope its not through example”. Another good one-“It seems in that circle they have come to expect that sort of behavior from you. Always the agressor, yet always the victim.” And the best one- “What a sad person you must be”. There were lots more than just these nuggets. At first my reaction was shock, and then I cried. But by the third time I read it I realized it was absurd to get upset at a clearly angry individual who knows nothing of me but could take the time and energy to write the e-mail. All I have to say is that I forgive you and sometimes medication is a good thing.

This week I can’t get enough of the OWN channel (otherwise known as the Oprah Winfrey Network). I watched OWN for the first time this past Sunday, as I do not watch much TV (well other than Mad Men and Bravo). Luckily I was watching Super Soul Sunday and they had some awesome shows. She was interviewing Deepak Chopra in India and he was just throwing out one awesome quote after another. They had a great show on Bishop TD jakes and of course a Tony Robbins Lifeclass. At night I watched the Oprah in India special. Everything I watched was so compelling and relevant to what I do. The LifeClass series is awesome. The free advice and wisdom is just being thrown out every minute. On one show one of her experts said, about relationships. “when you see crazy coming, cross the street”. I am totally using that one in coaching. I could easily become a fan of the channel and I do think everyone should check it out, especially the Lifeclass series and the Master Class series. Really good stuff.

As a single mom and a business owner I have lots of responsibilities and not a lot of time. In addition, because I cannot drive, it limits where I can go and when. So at times I feel trapped, in my house or in my circumstance. Part of getting some freedom was getting the motorized tricycle.   That gives me the freedom to go places when I just feel like it. But I was also thinking about how to get a sense of freedom in the midst of obligations. A friend told me that freedom is all in your mind. I think part of freedom is having the ability to choose or as I tell my clients to be in a place of choice. This means recognizing what is in your control and not in your control. So freedom means recognizing what you can control, looking at options and taking action. And that is what I try to do, so in that I am free. Freedom also means feeling you have the right and ability to be, act and do. That means seeing possibilities and that they are open and available to me, basically the belief that “I can do that or try that”.  And in that I am free. Freedom also means having a sense of fun and joy. For me this means that I can go out and dance and sing sometimes. Right now I am not doing those things, so I have decided tis start dancing again and maybe singing because this makes me feel happy and creative, and in that I feel free. Madonna says “only when I'm dancing do I feel this free” and I think there is truth to that.

So, when I really thought about freedom and what it means, I realized that I am free. Maybe I thought freedom meant having no responsibilities, or having everything available and in your control. But that is not freedom. And freedom probably means different things to different people. So I think when we feel overwhelmed, or constrained or even stuck I think we should consider what makes us feel free and to first free our minds. “Free your mind and the rest will follow”, Salt and Pepper sing. And they are right. Being free in your mind, being open to possibility, being able to see yourself in new roles and ways of being and doing, and being in a place of choice, even amongst obligation, makes us free.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlok

April 25, 2012-Volume 66: Is it possible to create something new when you are getting old: Middle Age and Good Ideas

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 66: Is it possible to create something new when you are getting old: Middle Age and Good Ideas

I have lots of great ideas in my head, or at least I think they are great. I have ideas on how to improve existing things and start new things. I have ideas about how to bring organizations together in collaboration and ideas to start some truly unique programs as well as businesses. And I think I have the energy to help implement new ideas. But the bigger issue is gaining momentum through things I do not have; money, power and influence. So in this blog I muse about creating new things in the second phase of my life.  But first………………..

My WTF of the week is the fact that my sinuses are already out of control because of the crazy pollen and weather fluctuations. My allergies and sinus problems usually don't begin until later in the year; as it gets hotter, I have more problems. But this year I started in March.  I did not develop allergies until about 10 years ago, which was 11 years after moving to Columbia.  I am convinced that everyone who lives or moves here will eventually have allergies. I have had people even visit me for a few days that say they are stopped up or blowing their nose the whole time they are here, but have no problems where they live. So Columbia is not only famously hot but famously allergy producing. I am naming it Famously Snot. It is a telling thing when you continually pray for rain to wash pollen away. Thank goodness I have a rain dance.

This week I can’t get enough of the TED website. As you may have noticed, I am mentioning things I saw on TED frequently. That is because I watch two or three Ted talks a day. I find them completely fascinating and inspiring. Lately I am watching videos on DNA and genetics and human lineage and also on social relationships and global health and economics. I feel really informed after watching a TED video, much like I feel after watching the Kahn Academy. And TED has led me to new books or research articles. Most importantly it inspires me to learn and explore or try out new ideas.  I have been watching the TED prize winners and really want to bring a model that Dave Eggers won the TED prize for in 2008 to Columbia.  It is TED that has led me to start thinking about all the things I wish I could implement or study.

This leads me to the focus of the blog. Are innovative ideas and the energy to implement them reserved for the young?  I was reading a Malcolm Glad well book and he had a chapter on late bloomers; those that are most creative and produce their best work in middle age or later.  I am not sure if I am one of these. I have always had a mind filled with ideas and in my earlier years would get up in the middle of the night to write things down and come up with new models and theories, none of which ever went anywhere. In my 20’s I was a good starter, but could never see things through. I had no patience.  Then there came the years of working 60 hours a week growing a business when there was only time to create what I was paid for. Then came the fog years of pregnancy and having an infant and toddler.  Then came a change in career and then came the accident.  Through the years of work and worry and sometimes, chaos, my mind had some ideas in it, but was mostly filled with getting through the day. 

In the last few months something has shifted and my brain is awash in new thoughts and ideas. Maybe it is because I have space for them or created space for them. Maybe it is because things have been more stable in my home life. Maybe it is because I have more energy. Maybe it is because I stopped the outward creative expression of dance and music and have again turned inward to the work of my brain, a scary but always interesting place.  Whatever the case, my brain is awake and active and has a need for me to feed it with new information. So lots of reading nonfiction and research is taking place. I am connecting pieces I know with the new things I learn to crate a web of interconnections. I feel compelled not so much to write, but to do.  The program I have latched onto is the one Dave Eggers won the TED prize for in 2008, Once Upon a School and I want to bring that model to Columbia. After watching him talk about the model I thought, we need that here.  In short it is a tutoring center housed in a retail space that has a storefront that is typically something really cool.  In San Francisco they have a pirate store and in Brooklyn it is a Superhero store. Tutoring takes place at the site and the tutors and mentors also go into the schools. Some of the focus has been on writing and creative expression, but it can be broader. I have an idea for the storefront that would combine artistic and creative expression into the tutoring aspect.  I can actually visualize the whole thing in my head.  It is not the first time I have visualized a program or project that I think is really cool and impactful, but it is the first time I have had the balls to think that maybe I can make this happen. And the change is that I am older and wiser. I have more patience to see things through and more understanding of the huge role relationships and marketing play when selling something new. What I lack is money to do it myself.  But the model in other cities has been run by volunteers and the money has come from the retail part. What I also lack is influence. But, being rooted here these 21 years means I do know many people and some of those people have money, power and influence.

For me, it is possible to have new and creative and great ideas in middle age and have the energy to do them. It is possible because, in middle age, I better understand the world and how it works, have patience, and have the confidence and courage to believe I can change the world. I think 20 years ago I could have never created an idea or project and stewarded it through to its fruition and done it well. It is never too late to try something new, take risks or go out on a limb. Remember, your tree is now deeply rooted.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

April 13, 2012-Volume 65: Trying to be Connected in a Sighted, but Disconnected World

The Adventures of the (Blind/Low Vision/visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 65: Trying to be Connected in a Sighted, but Disconnected World

Recently two things I read and saw caused me to think about how I interact with people differently now that I am visually impaired, and how that acting differently makes me different. First, after reading some literature on the importance of reading people through facial expressions and the importance of searching someone’s eyes, I began  reflecting on how I miss cues because I cannot see facial expression and how that impairs me in social interactions when I want to connect. The second thing that really got me thinking is a TED lecture I saw on how we are becoming more disconnected because of social media and texting and how younger people do not know how to have a conversation. Because I text very slowly and do not have a smart phone and only really use Facebook sparingly, my preference is to pick up the phone and call people and have conversations. I am becoming aware that this is not the norm and I cannot imagine what it would be like if I relied on texting and e-mailing. My general reflections about connectedness and communication and doing so as a visually impaired person in a very visually driven world, is the focus of this blog.  But first……………………….

My WTF of the week is the fact my computer had the unfortunate experience of contracting a Trojan virus. The whole thing started when it began shutting certain programs down, and eventually it would not let me on the internet. I made problems worse by shutting down and restarting my computer about 20 times, winch I am sure the virus really enjoyed. On the third day I took it to Staples and the guy said that it looked like a Trojan virus. To which I said, “That was not the type of Trojan I wanted to be dealing with”. For some reason he did not think this was funny. Much chaos happened with my computer at Staples because there were two techs who failed to communicate when they handed off my computer so I had to step in and communicate for them when what should have taken one day took three. After they had it three days and still did not have my computer back running what it needed at the start up, I rescued it and had a friend come over who fixed it in 5 minutes. The good thing is that I now have all of my data backed up on a massive external hard drive and very powerful anti-virus software, which I should have had in the first place to protect my computer. Why didn't they call the virus protection Trojan-that would have made more sense.

This week I can’t get enough of my new hot pink electric tricycle Ped E Cab.   Now that it is getting hotter, I can’t just run everywhere and I also need to cut down on using drivers. I also needed something I could tote my daughter around on safely as she seems to have a problem with walking, or riding in the jogging stroller, or riding a bike. So I went on the Internet looking at all these cool quadricycles and adult trikes. I also went to Outspokin on Devine and they hooked me up with a trike and Trek Tag a Long to try.  Given I could not go over 8 miles an hour without tipping it and my daughter refused to ride the tag along this tanked quickly. Brian at Outspokin and me both researched other options. There are dual pedal quads that look like golf carts and recumbent tandems and of course the Scandinavian Mobii where it is a bike with a carrier thing with two wheels in the front and you can put two kids in it. It looks way cool. Problem is all these new alternative forms of transport, especially the ones with the rechargeable motors, are outrageously expensive. In the end I went looking for used transport and on EBay found my Monarch Ped E Cab. It was a floor model and is being shipped to me already assembled. I am psyched that I have something that will enhance my independence, look cool, and is safe and environmentally friendly. And of course I am going to trick it out with silver streamers, a disco ball and cool decals. You will see us coming (so you don’t run us over). A big thanks also to Outspokin for all their help.

As the ways we communicate have changed over the past two years, the ways I communicate have also changed, but in the opposite way. In a sense I am going against the grain. I do not really like to text because it is time consuming and I do not have the time to read what is going on in the Facebook world. I don’t have a smart phone because I cannot see one, so I also do not have access to the web at my fingertips. And I love it. Reducing the flood if information has made my life easier and at the same time my visual impairment has also forced me to pick up the phone and talk to people more. My preference and primary form of communication is through conversation. As I have moved more to phone conversations I find that sometimes it takes a while to get people conditioned to calling me back instead of trying to communicate via texting. But I notice that some do eventually start picking up the phone to communicate. At first I thought that not having the ability or time to text and e-mail and use social media left me in the cold. But, actually the opposite has occurred. If I care enough about you to want to know you or know what is going on in your world I, eventually, will pick up the phone. Because of this I not only know who my friends are, but my friendships have deepened because I am really connecting with people.  Those who use text or e-mail as a primary means of communication in building or maintaining relationships must be at a loss in really being able to connect.

At the same time the visual impairment has left me unable to read people because I can’t see facial expressions. It means I get no feedback about how people are reacting to what I say or if they are even making eye contact and attending. I can’t read if people are being sincere or authentic or sarcastic because that is often shown in the face and not in the tone of voice. I do not know when someone is looking at me or gesturing from a distance. It has made me aware of how much communication is done via eye contact and nods or other small gestures and signs in the face, all of which I can no longer see.   If I am with someone and meet or see a person I have to rely on the friend to describe a reaction, or tell me if someone was looking at me or seemed engaged or even annoyed (I do have a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor). I think the inability to see facial expression hurts me in social interaction, facilitation and especially in trying to meet new people. And I am not sure how to get around it. My heightened sense of hearing and other senses don’t really assist me in this task. My strategy now is to just smile a lot and seem approachable and listen as much as I can to tone and inflection of the voice, and my brain’s new ability to try and fill in the gaps in faces. I think about how much I wish I could hold someone’s gaze and understand what they are feeling. I wonder, in this new age of communication where we are disconnected, if we are not teaching our kids how to have a conversation, then we are also not teaching them how to read non-verbal behavior. How can you read people if you can’t see them or even if you are with them you are looking down at your phone? The loss of the ability to have conversations and all that it entails will create a society that is just about being heard or people knowing what you are doing, instead of knowing each other. And that is a sad thing.  

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock