may 25, 2011:The Bucket List

The Adventures of the Blind/ Low Vision/ Visually Impaired Girl- Volume 30: The Bucket List

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLSaRKhv7nQ&feature=player_detailpage

This week, amid the recent talk about the end of the world, I began to think about what items were on my bucket list the things I would like to do, see and experience before the end of my life. And although I am sure that the list will change, I found that being visually impaired did not really have that much impact on that list.  But first……………

My WTF of the week is people who think it is OK to let their child or adolescent have Botox/other injectables or even plastic surgery.  The “Toddlers in Tiaras” moms and, on occasion, dads, are using these methods to make their children more “beautiful”.  I am sure everyone has heard of the Botox mom who gave her 8 year old injections to make her look better and also said she was not the only one doing it.  Then there are the teenage girls getting lipo and boob jobs.  Here is my question, what doctors or other health professionals are allowing this to happen.  Doctors block families from removing life support and override other decisions in order to aggressively save lives, but they will go along with a mom who is allowing her 14 year old to have lipo and breast augmentation. I did not even think your boobs had grown to their full size by then, so why would you mess with them.  I know bullying is an issue and I was bullied for being a fat kid, but is that really a valid reason to get a nose job as a teen. And I don’t at all buy it when the parents say they are just doing it to make their child happy because it is what she wants.  I wanted a pony and a 68 Mustang convertible and a Barbie Dream house and I did not get those and was not scarred by it. What if your kid wanted some drugs to make them happier, would these parents go out and get an 8 ball for their teen. I think not. Why are we teaching our children to be focused on outer beauty and to gain  their self-worth from that beauty and that what we look like, our God given looks, are not OK and are just not good enough.  What a fantastic way to screw your child up for a lifetime.

This week I can’t get enough of my new device with vibrating rotating heads.  And, no, it is not what you think.  It is an epilator. An epilator is a device that kind of looks like an electric razor but actually has rotating heads that rip out your hair like tweezers.  So instead of shaving your legs you are, in fact, tweezing your legs. What this means is that your hair grows back in two weeks instead of two days and is finer over time. I was turned on to the epilator by the esthetician who does waxing at my salon, although she called it a dilipidator. So I did my research and price comparison and ended up with a Braun unit.  For a hairy Sicilian like me who has to shave every other day the thought of not shaving for two weeks is like a small miracle and greatly outweighs the pain involved with ripping the hairs out. I have not tried it yet, as I am growing out my leg hairs to the length required for the epilator to rip them out, but I have heard pain is involved. A telling fact is that my Braun came with an ice pack. The esthetician said it would be helpful to have a drink and a painkiller before using it, but since I don’t drink and pain killers don’t work on me I will use the ice pack and go for it. I will let you know how bad the pain is and how long I remain without hair on my legs. And if it is not that painful I am doing the underarm area!

As soon as I found out the world was going to end (of course nothing happened) I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do before I die.  I reserve the right to change my list, but for now, here are some of the items:

1)    Places to see—Italy, Easter Island, and The Galapagos. Australia and New Zealand, Stonehenge and maybe the Great Pyramid. I also would like to go to Rio during Carnival and dance on a float.

2)    I want to climb up a mountain, even a small one.

3)    I want to jump off a cliff into the ocean, not dive headfirst. Just jump.

4)    I want to be able to play the drums really well.

5)    I want to have my own radio or TV show or special. With Oprah off network TV there is avoid!

6)    I want to act and sing and dance in a play.

7)    I want to run a half marathon.

Admittedly there was one about being able to do a specific move on a stripper pole (for fitness purposes only) but that seemed a little too risqué for the list.  It goes without saying that you want all my family and friends to be happy and I want my daughter to grow up to be a happy stable and contributing member of society and to be there to see that, but that is more of an if you could wave a magic wand list.  I will say there are a few things I may add when I get new retinas and those will be learning to snow ski, doing a triathlon and driving a race car. 

Making the bucket list also made me think about why we have these lists in the first place. For me, it is about living life fully and about having something to look forward to and to strive for.  It gives me hope that I can accomplish things and engage in activities that inspire me and fill me with awe and wonder. And it reminds me that there is not a timeline or an age limit on challenging myself and taking some risks.  To me, the bucket list adds spice to what could be a bland life. So I recommend making one and then setting out to do some of the things, if not all, on your list.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 11, 2011 Blog 29:What's up with people

The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 29

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=RqJGq2V9f-A

This week I am going to focus on how my perceptions about people have changed since my accident and what I have learned about how to protect myself and what I want in relationships.  But first……………..

My WTF of the week is I am beginning to think that there are a very few healthy, stable, mature and relationship-ready men out there in the dating pool.  In general the man pool is a dirty and somewhat treacherous place where there should be signs that say “swim at your own risk” and “no lifeguard on duty”.  I also think it is a kiddie pool, which can also get dirty and scary. I have no time to teach swimming lessons, nor will I be swimming in the lady pool.  I think I will be hanging out by the side of the pool, sipping a cool beverage waiting to see who is smart enough to also get out of the pool to sit at the side and relax.  

This week I can’t get enough of the Housewives of New York City. It is just superior to the other Housewives shows.  There are so many things to love about it.  One of my favorite scenes so far this season was the conversation at Cindy’s spa, where they do waxing and laser with a focus on the area “downtown”, as Sonya puts it. The Countess seems unwilling to discuss the landscaping issue, but most will give their opinions on going completely bare or still having the “runway” (because fashions change).  But then Countess Luann goes for the laser treatment and comes out and announces she is completely bare.  Her reason: because you must try new things when people give you a gift, darling.  I must say that landscaping is not an issue women, at least the ones I know, talk about and I am so glad I have no idea what is going on “downtown” with my friends. But if I were inclined to have that discussion, I would want it to sound as classy as the one on the NYC Housewives. I also can’t get enough of the gift my daughter gave me for Mother’s Day. My five year old embroidered a panel and used fabric and sewed me a bag, which I am now using as my purse.  And if you say she sewed or stitched the embroidered part, she will correct you by saying, “that is not sewing, it is embroidery”. She was so proud of her work and I must say it was the best gift I have ever received.  She has declared that her next project is to knit a scarf.

Lately I have been reflecting on how my thoughts about people have changed since my accident.  I have written before about the transition from being a very independent person to one that must ask for help to get basic things like grocery shopping done.  Asking for help, as I have said before, is not easy and in that process I have learned who are givers and the ways in which specific people can help in specific ways that feel comfortable for them.  But having to ask for help and rely on others has also made me realize that many people don’t have the time, energy or inclination to be of help and that has made me feel a bit more pessimistic about the altruistic nature of people.  There have been many articles and books written about the breakdown of our social networks and the independent nature of our society.  “We do it all, everything, on our own, we don’t need anything or anyone” is a line from Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars. But I think most of us are so used to functioning in that society and functioning independently, that we never think about how it affects us.  That is, until we need those networks.  Now that I rely on others and on social support networks to help me I realize how rare they are and that they only tend to exist in our churches.  My most reliable transportation has come from the church group who adopted me. I recently realized that how I have coped with the lack of social support is that I stopped asking for help and started doing one of two things, paying for it or putting on my running shoes.  I have adapted both by being netter at asking for help but also by figuring out ways to not have to.

The lack of social support networks and the cult of individualism also reach into the dating realm.  Everyone seems to be out for themselves with a focus on getting their needs met.  As I have begun dating again there are a few things I have realized and also been told.  One is that I have a positive energy and can lift people up and also a stability that makes people feel safe and secure.  We are told that we get back what we put into the universe, and maybe that is true, but what I have also found is that you can draw people that have a need for what you are putting out there.  Because of my energy and presence and lets just call it passion, I have drawn people who are negative, needy, insecure and at times, immature. And they tend to come to take what they need, ignoring that I need a little help at times, which leaves me drained.  And because I need my energy to deal with the daily challenges I face in my reality, I am not willing to have this happen.  I am also not willing to change who I am. The good thing is that I know when I feel drained it means that I am with people who are wrong for me. I am looking for people who enrich my life. 

I have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s (Eat, Pray, Love) new book called “Committed: A Love Story” and she talks about the need for companionship as a way to share your experiences and to weave a shared history with another person.  She calls this a need for private intimacy.  In my singleness and being independent I do much alone, but that essence of having someone beside you to share in your story and to witness you and your life is compelling and I think, necessary in the long term.  It is the question of if a tree falls in the woods when no one is around, does it make a sound? Similarly do the experiences and stories in our life have meaning if they are not witnessed or shared? What I know is that private intimacy and companionship is something I would like to have in my life.  But that means finding someone who can listen to your story, tell theirs openly and be willing to lose a part of their independence to commit to the interwoven nature of creating a shared journey. So I will continue my journey shedding those that are not willing or able to share my story and enrich my life in some way.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock

May 4, 2011-Volumn 28:The should I move blog

The Adventures of The Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 28

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nXcI0G6m-Ew

This week I am going to write about the process I am going through in considering moving to a new city. After 20 years in Columbia, I feel I need a change and it raises the questions of why, what is to be gained and what is to be lost.  Why choose to go through another major life change?  But first………..

My WTF of the week is the fact that I sustained my first injury from running. This is proof that my body is breaking down in my middle age.  I thought I had overstretched my Achilles but realized I just aggravated an old sprain.  So after icing and wrapping it for a few days, I started gradually running on it again with it wrapped and wearing a more supportive shoe.  A week later I was back to running 5 miles with it taped and in my lovely running socks. So maybe it is a little swollen, but it does not hurt, so I will continue running until something else breaks down or I wince in pain. Because that seems to be the smart thing to do, right?

This week I can’t get enough of the fact that I am putting myself out there for public consumption.   I finally, with the help of my assistant, wrote to the producers of the Oprah show and OWN to talk about why my story is worthy of some screen time.  If you would like to see me on the OWN, you can also suggest that I would make a good guest on a show. The more e-mails they get about me, the more they will think that my story is newsworthy. I mean how many people kill their retinas with exercise bands.  I may even consider having incentives for people to write in about me. Name your price. I could be on Gayle’s show, but I am thinking it would be cool to be on Dr. Oz. He could do a show on vision, optical health and the fact that macular degeneration, which also causes the retinas to die, is a growing issue because of our aging population or he could talk about wearing eye protection. I have an ulterior motive for being on that show. If I get on there I will personally refute some of the things he said about what happens to women over 40 where in one case a dried out sponge was used as an example. Man, that was scary. I am also looking into getting an agent who could help me get in front of more people to do speaking engagements as a motivational (or just a little hyper) speaker.  I have also decided it would be cool to see if I could model.  I am the sample size for the first time in my life and am tall enough and I have been told there is work for  women in their 40’s, and not just in Depends ads and talking about menopause (hopefully). It will be interesting to see what happens.  I could just be fooling myself with all of this, but it is worth a shot.  And I actually got the modeling idea after seeing that Alex “I found my voice” McCord of the NYC Housewives was starting a modeling career, so I can’t take credit for that brilliant idea.  I also had an idea for a show called “I am blind, what’s your excuse”, but thought people may find that a little offensive.

Lately I have been thinking about making a move from Columbia to Charlotte.  I have been in Columbia for 20 years and really did not mean to be here that long. I thought I was going to be here for graduate school and then move somewhere else. But an internship, a job, a consulting business and relationships kept me here. Over the years many of my friends have left for greener pastures.  At the end of this month two more of my friends are leaving.  As my group of friends here dwindles, I have begun to question why I am still here.  I think the main reason is that I and my daughter have family here and a network of support and friends.  My daughter, however, seems to be resilient when it comes to friends leaving. When I told her one of her best friends was moving, she wanted to know two things, 1) can we visit him and stay overnight with him and his mom and 2) when he was 16 could he drive to Columbia to see her and have a sleepover. I agreed to everything except the sleepover at 16. And she said “OK that is cool”. So, is it cool for me to leave friends and family behind?

In reality, Charlotte is not that far away (about 1.5 hours) so we could have lots of visitors (especially if I move anywhere near the Trader Joe’s). I already have some friends there and can begin to build new support networks. And the timing seems right. My daughter will transition into the first grade and will be changing schools in the fall of 2012 and I had also planned to put my house on the market.  I can do my life coaching business from anywhere and Charlotte is a bigger market for customers and for speaking and modeling if I go that route. There are great schools in the neighborhood  in which I would like to live-two public Montessori’s within walking distance, one in which my friend is the school psychologist.

  

Even though Columbia is slowly becoming a somewhat more interesting place to live (could I have used more qualifiers), it still lacks the metropolitan and cosmopolitan feel that I grew up in and that I long for. I also would love a better transportation system, more choices in live music, art and plays, and a neighborhood where I could walk or run to stores, eating places, etc. given that I cannot drive. Although I can do that somewhat now, there are places in Charlotte that are even more convenient and where there are stores where I can get vintage clothing and indulge my mid-century modern fetish.

So why is the decision to leave so hard and so scary, and does my visual impairment have anything to do with it. It goes without saying it will be difficult to leave family and friends and our support network. Of course, there is the selling of my house in this market or the leasing of it and who really wants to do that. And then packing, which is always a nightmare and even more so now that I can’t see to sort through what stays and what goes. Then I have to make trips back and forth to Charlotte to look for housing and at schools and have to rely on others to make those trips. Then there is the issue of whether I will really be able to judge the adequacy of a new space. Then there is the issue of meeting new people and establishing a support network which includes a network of drivers. Lastly, there is the big issue-I have to get my ex-husband’s permission to cross state lines and may not be able to do that. If I could drive I could live over the state line in SC but that is not a possibility for me because of the lack of public transportation and walkable communities. So, my visual impairment is a very big issue when it comes to my ability to relocate.

But the great thing is I am not moving because I have to, because I am following anyone or because I am unhappy and running away from something. And that actually makes the decision harder. I would be moving to somehow make our quality of life better and if that could really happen is a gamble. So I am pondering this decision slowly and carefully, and it may take more than a year to make it. But that is OK; I am happy where I am right now and have plenty of time to make changes in my life.  As do we all!

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock