The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 29
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=RqJGq2V9f-A
This week I am going to focus on how my perceptions about people have changed since my accident and what I have learned about how to protect myself and what I want in relationships. But first……………..
My WTF of the week is I am beginning to think that there are a very few healthy, stable, mature and relationship-ready men out there in the dating pool. In general the man pool is a dirty and somewhat treacherous place where there should be signs that say “swim at your own risk” and “no lifeguard on duty”. I also think it is a kiddie pool, which can also get dirty and scary. I have no time to teach swimming lessons, nor will I be swimming in the lady pool. I think I will be hanging out by the side of the pool, sipping a cool beverage waiting to see who is smart enough to also get out of the pool to sit at the side and relax.
This week I can’t get enough of the Housewives of New York City. It is just superior to the other Housewives shows. There are so many things to love about it. One of my favorite scenes so far this season was the conversation at Cindy’s spa, where they do waxing and laser with a focus on the area “downtown”, as Sonya puts it. The Countess seems unwilling to discuss the landscaping issue, but most will give their opinions on going completely bare or still having the “runway” (because fashions change). But then Countess Luann goes for the laser treatment and comes out and announces she is completely bare. Her reason: because you must try new things when people give you a gift, darling. I must say that landscaping is not an issue women, at least the ones I know, talk about and I am so glad I have no idea what is going on “downtown” with my friends. But if I were inclined to have that discussion, I would want it to sound as classy as the one on the NYC Housewives. I also can’t get enough of the gift my daughter gave me for Mother’s Day. My five year old embroidered a panel and used fabric and sewed me a bag, which I am now using as my purse. And if you say she sewed or stitched the embroidered part, she will correct you by saying, “that is not sewing, it is embroidery”. She was so proud of her work and I must say it was the best gift I have ever received. She has declared that her next project is to knit a scarf.
Lately I have been reflecting on how my thoughts about people have changed since my accident. I have written before about the transition from being a very independent person to one that must ask for help to get basic things like grocery shopping done. Asking for help, as I have said before, is not easy and in that process I have learned who are givers and the ways in which specific people can help in specific ways that feel comfortable for them. But having to ask for help and rely on others has also made me realize that many people don’t have the time, energy or inclination to be of help and that has made me feel a bit more pessimistic about the altruistic nature of people. There have been many articles and books written about the breakdown of our social networks and the independent nature of our society. “We do it all, everything, on our own, we don’t need anything or anyone” is a line from Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars. But I think most of us are so used to functioning in that society and functioning independently, that we never think about how it affects us. That is, until we need those networks. Now that I rely on others and on social support networks to help me I realize how rare they are and that they only tend to exist in our churches. My most reliable transportation has come from the church group who adopted me. I recently realized that how I have coped with the lack of social support is that I stopped asking for help and started doing one of two things, paying for it or putting on my running shoes. I have adapted both by being netter at asking for help but also by figuring out ways to not have to.
The lack of social support networks and the cult of individualism also reach into the dating realm. Everyone seems to be out for themselves with a focus on getting their needs met. As I have begun dating again there are a few things I have realized and also been told. One is that I have a positive energy and can lift people up and also a stability that makes people feel safe and secure. We are told that we get back what we put into the universe, and maybe that is true, but what I have also found is that you can draw people that have a need for what you are putting out there. Because of my energy and presence and lets just call it passion, I have drawn people who are negative, needy, insecure and at times, immature. And they tend to come to take what they need, ignoring that I need a little help at times, which leaves me drained. And because I need my energy to deal with the daily challenges I face in my reality, I am not willing to have this happen. I am also not willing to change who I am. The good thing is that I know when I feel drained it means that I am with people who are wrong for me. I am looking for people who enrich my life.
I have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s (Eat, Pray, Love) new book called “Committed: A Love Story” and she talks about the need for companionship as a way to share your experiences and to weave a shared history with another person. She calls this a need for private intimacy. In my singleness and being independent I do much alone, but that essence of having someone beside you to share in your story and to witness you and your life is compelling and I think, necessary in the long term. It is the question of if a tree falls in the woods when no one is around, does it make a sound? Similarly do the experiences and stories in our life have meaning if they are not witnessed or shared? What I know is that private intimacy and companionship is something I would like to have in my life. But that means finding someone who can listen to your story, tell theirs openly and be willing to lose a part of their independence to commit to the interwoven nature of creating a shared journey. So I will continue my journey shedding those that are not willing or able to share my story and enrich my life in some way.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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