The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 42: Am I a Realist or Being Skeptical?
In the past weeks I have begun to look at why I seem to not feel safe in any situation or with any person and how that feeling of being on somewhat shaky ground has at times worked to my benefit. I am beginning to think it is the reason I take the risks I do and live in the moment as much as I can. I may be a realist or maybe I am skeptical, but I believe that those are not bad things to be. That is the focus of this blog. But first……….
My WTF of the week is the fact that there are crazy people on Internet dating sites. As many of you know, recently in Columbia a woman was killed by someone she met on an internet dating site. When I heard about the incident, I read the news articles. I quickly realized that the killer was one of my matches on EHarmony and one of the guys that e-mailed me. He was actually one of the best looking guys and his profile looked good. I can say that I may have gone out with him if I had not met someone else and he had pursued me. The thought of that was extremely scary-that could have been me. I have heard other stories recently about people getting involved in dangerous situations with people they met online. As women and men we have to be so careful about the people we meet online. What I learned from my EHellmony experience, as I have written about, is that people are not honest in how they present themselves and that means we need to do our homework and ask lots of questions and have dialogue via Internet and phone before going out on a date. And we need to trust our instincts and look for red flags. Or maybe the Internet dating world is just too scary.
This week I can’t get enough of vintage clothing and my ideas for a cool photo shoot. Recently I was in Charlotte where I purchased a few more 60’s dresses. One is a long gold beaded dress that looks like something Ann Bancroft wore in “The Graduate”. I am lucky that for some reason the vintage stuff fits. When I go with people who have a large chest they say nothing fits them across it and nothing will button. So in this case I am proud to be small in that area. I got inspired to do a photo shoot after seeing a picture on the cover of a songbook from the 60’s that my boyfriend had for playing the trumpet. On the cover was a woman in an awesome jumpsuit posing with a trumpet up in the air with others positioned around her feet-way cool. So now me and my vintage dresses will be posing along with different musical instruments (and not in an American Pie “one time in band camp” way). I now have a drum set and an electronic keyboard and he has a harmonica, trumpet, banjo and upright bass. I am visualizing the hair, makeup and poses. My goal is to have the pictures done for the Holidays.
Lately I have been thinking about the reasons I don’t feel safe or secure in any aspect of my life and how that feeling, which I commonly describe as “being on somewhat shaky ground” manifests in my life. The “why” of not feeling safe is because my life has been somewhat unpredictable and I now know that I can’t really know or count on what will happen next. The result of not feeling safe has not been to go to a place of pessimism or learned helplessness, but to take risks and try new things. My risk taking and willingness to try out anything has been amplified since my accident because in a sense that was the most unpredictable event that has ever taken place. To me, if that crazy of a thing could happen and I can survive it, then there can’t be much else worse and if there is, I can survive that too. Being on shaky ground also means I don’t get stuck. That feeling of not being secure or safe, which is somewhat a feeling of fear, keeps me moving forward. Lastly, not feeling safe and knowing I have no idea what is coming leads me to stay in the present. I live from moment to moment each day and am really present in those moments. I have found that being present is a good thing that helps me to be a good problem solver, listener and to appreciate what I have. I still have some goals for the future as well as a mission that guides my life and values that help me make choices, but I now let the future unfold before me and instead of having expectations, like to be surprised by how things unfold.
In having this perspective I also feel I am somewhat a realist who is at the same time a little skeptical about what is in front of me. I ask more questions, try not to make assumptions and have more patience and presence to really listen for the meaning behind the words or actions. There is a book called The Five Agreements and the fifth, which the author added years after writing The Four Agreements, is to be skeptical, but learn to listen. He says not to believe anything you tell yourself or that others tell you and look for the truth. Being skeptical is not being negative or pessimistic or lacking trust, it is just thinking realistically and analytically about the information. It is working for me because I am, having more authentic conversations, while learning more about myself and others.
In the final analysis I think that feeling safe is highly overrated. A little dose of fear and skepticism is a motivator to stay in the present moment, move forward and be excited about the process of life. What is coming next is always somewhat of a surprise.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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