The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 43: Some People Really Suck
Once again I find myself dealing with people that think they have the right to take advantage of me because I am somehow relying upon them. In an unfortunate but ongoing theme in my life since the accident, people offer to help and then somehow punish me for it. My musing on why this happens and my general intolerance for this behavior is the focus of this blog. But first…………………….
My WTF of the week is that the flies are back with a vengeance and they seem smarter and quicker-kind of like super flies. I thought I had won the battle of the flies as they were almost all gone, but when I returned from a weekend away, they were back and recently hatched--a smaller, faster version of the other flies. They also seemed to have learned new tactics to avoid being pummeled by myself or my rolled up magazine wielding child. Instead of landing on the glass planes they hide in the corners and up on the window sashes and they are superfast and have to be hit about three times before they perish. My next move is flypaper which I will hang up in front of the windows. Let’s see them try and avoid that. I will provide an update on the fly situation in later blogs.
This week I can’t get enough of laser hair removal. I have been watching for a Groupon for it for weeks and at the end of last week there it was-70% off laser hair removal. I was able to purchase and have some gifted so that I got the deal for 6 rounds of treatment on two areas. Being visually impaired means I can’t really tell how good of a job I am doing shaving and I have to go by feel which means it takes a lot longer. So laser hair removal will make my life so much easier. I am not at all worried about the pain because I was able to stand the epilator and the epidural wearing off at the beginning of the C-section stich up, so it should be a breeze. I know others that have had the laser hair removal and say they have some light hair left and it is only 80% gone. I am going for 100% gone so I can throw away my razor. I expect to feel baby smooth.
Since my accident I have thought some (and others have thought more) about my safety. That is why I have a prop car in my driveway and use my alarm. For me it is enough, while others think I need some additional items like pepper spray or a taser. While I admit hitting someone with a taser like in that scene in the Hangover does sound like good times, I have discovered that I should be more concerned about protecting myself from people that I actually know and purport to want to help me. And I don’t think pepper spray can save me from your run of the mill jerks.
Recently someone who was picking us up for two rides a week said I was causing too much stress in their lives, even though they were late picking us up 75% of the time. The one time we were a few minutes late was enough for me to be threatened that if it happened again they would no longer help us. Of course I got someone else to take us the two mornings, mostly because I don’t respond well to threats. This is not the first or the last time this will happen. It began right after the accident when people actually were upset I was not at home when they came to drop off food, even though I had no idea they were coming. The message from some people who offer to help is that I must be as accommodating as possible and not do anything wrong or I am cut off.
I think some people that offer to help you do so because of guilt or because they want to make themselves feel better. And I do believe that some people are also not so great at assessing what they can and cannot do. The end result of all these is the same-it feels stressful or not so good and I am to blame. I have no use for these people. Either you authentically want to help and know what help you can provide or you just say you cannot help. And if you offer to help and can’t do it, then have the guts and accountability to say it is not working out for you instead of blaming the person you are helping.
I know that in the past being a busy single mom did not leave me much time to help others, but I always did what I could. And I can say truthfully that if I knew a mom who lived 5 minutes away from me who could not drive and our kids went to the same school I would offer rides and it would be a no brainer. But this has not worked out for me so my way of dealing with things is to pay people to drive me. When I pay people they show up and don’t have nasty things to say to me and I like that. I recently decided to pay for a single driver to provide my rides. I will figure out what I will have to give up to pay for it, but it is worth every penny. It means I am not beholden to anyone nor do I have to put up with people who take advantage of the fact I am vulnerable and relying on them.
I don’t think I am negative about people in general. As I said last week- I am a realist. And what I ask is that people own their stuff and are authentic. My advice, as someone who needs help, is to only offer help if you can do it for more than just a few times, if you can make it work without feeling put out or resentful, and if you are doing it because it is the right thing to do.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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