July 25, 2013-Volume 89: Three Years Post Accident: Getting Back to Center Without Central Vision

The Adventures of the BLOVI Girl-Volume 89: Three Years Post Accident: Getting Back to Center Without Central Vision

Last year, on the two year anniversary of my accident, I ended the blog to write a book. I wrote that book---38 chapters and 315 pages.  Now, at three years after the accident, I am in the final stages of editing, ready for it to be placed out in the world. In my writing I purged, processed and pontificated about the process I went through to adapt. And now I have come out the other side of transition. I am what I am, it is what it is. I took myself out of the game to dance on the periphery so that I could transition, adapt and grow. And to have the time and space to do the work I was doing emotionally and creatively. It is time for me to get back in the game, to share, to reconnect, to move back into the center of the action.

Things are in what I call the steady state of life. There has been a settling down. Life lived in the moment. Life that has had challenges. The learning curve for adapting to being visually impaired has flattened out. Like when you come out of the drop on a roller coaster and it’s just speed on the flats with a few turns. It’s not like I have figured everything out. But I have worked through and out the big things and tend to not sweat the small ones.

The biggest change has been in the addition of Polly Persephone the pink Ped E Cab. The ability to travel in a 5 or so mile radius around our home has brought freedom. And it brought back a feeling of normalcy and of independence we did not have before. It can't go everywhere and I find myself choosing activities based on locations. And we are still missing out on bigger things like vacations and weekend outings. But we will get there someday, hopefully soon.

Now three years later many new people I meet have no clue I am visually impaired. They don’t know about the accident. And it feels good to not have to talk about it. So most of the time, I don’t. And some people who have known me even tend to forget. That is because I am doing a fantastic job passing as sighted. My visual acuity is and will remain the same. But my reorganizing brain, routines, creative problems solving and ability to fake sighted continues to expand. And expand into spaces and places where I even forget once in a while I am visually impaired. And now, I just think I am a person who sees differently. How I see is just how I see. It is something I will never be able to convey to others. But it is no longer foreign to me.

So this is my life. It is not pretty and it is not much different than anyone else’s because we all have challenges. I still have mostly good days and some really bad ones. But almost none of the bad days have anything to do with my inability to see well. The high points and the low points are there because of the other things life throws in my path. And usually they are big enough so I can see them coming.

I have grown emotionally and I continue to work on myself and my physical, mental and spiritual health. I am smoothing out the last of the rougher edges and working on those last pieces of what I need to do to feel good most of the time. Because I am healthy I now, and this is a change, have a very limited tolerance for drama, chaos and the shenanigans of the emotionally unstable, manipulative or otherwise crazy set. My boundaries are tight and strong and I do not tolerate behaviors that cross those boundaries.  I place no energy in black holes. The black holes are people or situations that will never change. I surround myself with others who are, for the most part, healthy and positive. I am always willing to support those in times of crisis. I still do that well.

I am me, just me. And sometimes I am reminded that this thing happened and that once I was sighted. But I am beginning to forget that life. Or maybe, I am moving on from it and placing it where it belongs---part of a past that is over and done. I am beginning to be surer of my future and see it coming into focus. A partner, a book, maybe another book, a move, a next phase of a life that has been unfolding. And I am ready, for whatever happens.

That next phase is moving back to playing in the game of life. This means the rebranding of myself and my business, the selling and marketing of my book, the polishing and production of my songs, and maybe the publishing of my poetry. Even more so it means the sharing of the lessons learned on this magnificent journey that has been at times my totally f-upped life. I am ready to tell my story and share my gifts in the form of both word and deed. Whatever opportunities I can get to fully carry out my mission, which has been and will be, to leave people and places better than when I found them. I have been baking the cake and letting it cool. Now I am ready to slice it up and serve it. And I can promise, it will be good.

Keep Moving Forward,

Beth (BLOVI) Medlock