The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl –Volume 10
This week, after being sick with bronchitis, I am focusing on the link between physical health and emotional state. But first…
My WTF of the week is the amount of money and time I am spending on my 16.5 year old cat, Brunhilda. She keeps getting bladder and urinary tract infections that go away with antibiotics and then come back. The bills for the tests and treatment are more than some of my medical bills. Now I know why people have pet health insurance. And I feel horribly guilty if I refuse the vet’s recommendations because it makes me a crappy pet owner and Bruni gives me this look of “Come on Mommy and cough up the money to save my life. Am I not worth it?” But the craziest part is my attempts to shoot pills down the cat’s throat with a pill shooter. The first pills were twice a day and the ones she is on now are once a day and chewable. Problem is that cats do not chew pills and Bruni has found cunning ways to outsmart me. That's over 100 in human years and that cat can sure put up a fight. This is what she is thinking during the administration of the pills or what she would say if she could talk. And instead of having that mellifluous cat voice like the mother cat in the Aristocats, she would sound like a German scientist. As I approach her with the now familiar pill popper, she starts the planning “Ok, I am going to kick her furiously with my back claws and clamp my mouth as tight as possible. If she gets the mouth open I will do my best to bite her and if she actually can locate the center of my mouth blind and shoot the pill I will pretend to swallow it. Then, even though she is holding her hand under my mouth to make sure I won’t spit it out, I will trick her by holding it in the side of my mouth and later will spit it out because she will never find it. I must take advantage of her weakness so I can ruin her plans to poison me. And do you actually think I can not see those pills you try to place in a tasty morsel of moist food. You have denied me the opportunity to have that forbidden food, so why offer it now. I will eat around the pill so as not to ingest the poison. I am winning the battles and soon I will win the war, even if she stops letting me lay on her while she sleeps or uses profanity in my presence”.
This week I can’t get enough of Top Chef All Stars. So many of my favorites are back and those you just love to hate like Marcel and Little Dale. Everyone has bigger egos and is bringing more game than in their original season, and they are talking back to the judges. I am sure that is why they brought in Bourdain to kick some butt. This season I want a heaping helping of Anthony Bourdain as a judge. Bourdain has a way with words and can come up with colorful analogies on the spot and deliver the best acerbic one liners. On the previews for the next episode he says of a dish this "tastes like a headshop". I am coming out now as a huge Richard Blais fan. That chubby nerdy master of molecular gastronomy better not choke this time. I also have to give a shout out to Volkswagen, who I finally wore down to letting me out of my car lease early with no penalty. Now I can recommend that you run right out and buy a VW.
So, here are some recent thoughts I had while being really sick. For about 8 days I was really ill with a sinus infection and bronchitis, the sickest I have been in years, due to the incessant coughing, migraines, lack of sleep and GI issues that resulted from the antibiotics. Let’s just say that I was down for the count. My daughter was also sick with the same thing. While I was sick, especially over the weekend when I was alone, I felt vulnerable and needy, which made me sad. I began to think about how much my physical health is tied to how I feel emotionally. And, it also made me realize that having my disability of legal blindness is nothing like being sick, because although it makes some things challenging, it does not make me feel physically weak or vulnerable.
Day one of being alone and sick began with news that my daughter was having bad diarrhea as a result of the second antibiotic and knowing that this was the day I was turning in my car. I was scared for her because she had been sick for three weeks and I just wanted her to get better. I also wished she could be with me so I could care for her but I could barely care for myself. I also was feeling a sense of loss about giving up my car. It could be the last car I ever own and being without it made it really hit home that I have lost the independance of driving when I want and where I want. I had imagined this scene where I turn over the keys crying and throw my arms around the car in a farewell gesture, but I felt so crappy I just wanted to get out of the dealership and lay on the couch. I really loved to drive and giving that up has been one of the hardest things to bear. So later that day, the crying began because I felt so bad and had no energy to think positively or put up defenses to block the pain. The second day, after a night of a killer migraine, non stop coughing and nausea, I realized that it would be really nice to have a partner to take care of me, which lead to thoughts about my last relationship, where I knew if I needed caring I could ask for it and get it. Then, while flipping channels, I happened upon the movie Moulin Rouge and I had to reach for my telescoping spectacles. On a side note I forgot how fantastic this movie is and how awesome Ewan McGregor is singing. But all the fabulously choreographed love songs had me crying like a baby because I had my pity party where I think I will never luck out and find someone who I love that truly loves me back.
In the end, after two days of grieving I felt lighter. I know that when I get sick I just get emotional and that is not only OK and that my feelings are valid, it is good to let sadness emerge without shoving it down. I am not depressed or weak because I feel sad. It just makes me human. And it was good that being sick and visually impaired was no different than being sick and sighted. My so called disability is my new normal and I feel healthy and strong when I am well.
Next week my blog will include the story of the BLOVI versus the microscopic lice. Not sure how this one will turn out.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
This week, after being sick with bronchitis, I am focusing on the link between physical health and emotional state. But first…
My WTF of the week is the amount of money and time I am spending on my 16.5 year old cat, Brunhilda. She keeps getting bladder and urinary tract infections that go away with antibiotics and then come back. The bills for the tests and treatment are more than some of my medical bills. Now I know why people have pet health insurance. And I feel horribly guilty if I refuse the vet’s recommendations because it makes me a crappy pet owner and Bruni gives me this look of “Come on Mommy and cough up the money to save my life. Am I not worth it?” But the craziest part is my attempts to shoot pills down the cat’s throat with a pill shooter. The first pills were twice a day and the ones she is on now are once a day and chewable. Problem is that cats do not chew pills and Bruni has found cunning ways to outsmart me. That's over 100 in human years and that cat can sure put up a fight. This is what she is thinking during the administration of the pills or what she would say if she could talk. And instead of having that mellifluous cat voice like the mother cat in the Aristocats, she would sound like a German scientist. As I approach her with the now familiar pill popper, she starts the planning “Ok, I am going to kick her furiously with my back claws and clamp my mouth as tight as possible. If she gets the mouth open I will do my best to bite her and if she actually can locate the center of my mouth blind and shoot the pill I will pretend to swallow it. Then, even though she is holding her hand under my mouth to make sure I won’t spit it out, I will trick her by holding it in the side of my mouth and later will spit it out because she will never find it. I must take advantage of her weakness so I can ruin her plans to poison me. And do you actually think I can not see those pills you try to place in a tasty morsel of moist food. You have denied me the opportunity to have that forbidden food, so why offer it now. I will eat around the pill so as not to ingest the poison. I am winning the battles and soon I will win the war, even if she stops letting me lay on her while she sleeps or uses profanity in my presence”.
This week I can’t get enough of Top Chef All Stars. So many of my favorites are back and those you just love to hate like Marcel and Little Dale. Everyone has bigger egos and is bringing more game than in their original season, and they are talking back to the judges. I am sure that is why they brought in Bourdain to kick some butt. This season I want a heaping helping of Anthony Bourdain as a judge. Bourdain has a way with words and can come up with colorful analogies on the spot and deliver the best acerbic one liners. On the previews for the next episode he says of a dish this "tastes like a headshop". I am coming out now as a huge Richard Blais fan. That chubby nerdy master of molecular gastronomy better not choke this time. I also have to give a shout out to Volkswagen, who I finally wore down to letting me out of my car lease early with no penalty. Now I can recommend that you run right out and buy a VW.
So, here are some recent thoughts I had while being really sick. For about 8 days I was really ill with a sinus infection and bronchitis, the sickest I have been in years, due to the incessant coughing, migraines, lack of sleep and GI issues that resulted from the antibiotics. Let’s just say that I was down for the count. My daughter was also sick with the same thing. While I was sick, especially over the weekend when I was alone, I felt vulnerable and needy, which made me sad. I began to think about how much my physical health is tied to how I feel emotionally. And, it also made me realize that having my disability of legal blindness is nothing like being sick, because although it makes some things challenging, it does not make me feel physically weak or vulnerable.
Day one of being alone and sick began with news that my daughter was having bad diarrhea as a result of the second antibiotic and knowing that this was the day I was turning in my car. I was scared for her because she had been sick for three weeks and I just wanted her to get better. I also wished she could be with me so I could care for her but I could barely care for myself. I also was feeling a sense of loss about giving up my car. It could be the last car I ever own and being without it made it really hit home that I have lost the independance of driving when I want and where I want. I had imagined this scene where I turn over the keys crying and throw my arms around the car in a farewell gesture, but I felt so crappy I just wanted to get out of the dealership and lay on the couch. I really loved to drive and giving that up has been one of the hardest things to bear. So later that day, the crying began because I felt so bad and had no energy to think positively or put up defenses to block the pain. The second day, after a night of a killer migraine, non stop coughing and nausea, I realized that it would be really nice to have a partner to take care of me, which lead to thoughts about my last relationship, where I knew if I needed caring I could ask for it and get it. Then, while flipping channels, I happened upon the movie Moulin Rouge and I had to reach for my telescoping spectacles. On a side note I forgot how fantastic this movie is and how awesome Ewan McGregor is singing. But all the fabulously choreographed love songs had me crying like a baby because I had my pity party where I think I will never luck out and find someone who I love that truly loves me back.
In the end, after two days of grieving I felt lighter. I know that when I get sick I just get emotional and that is not only OK and that my feelings are valid, it is good to let sadness emerge without shoving it down. I am not depressed or weak because I feel sad. It just makes me human. And it was good that being sick and visually impaired was no different than being sick and sighted. My so called disability is my new normal and I feel healthy and strong when I am well.
Next week my blog will include the story of the BLOVI versus the microscopic lice. Not sure how this one will turn out.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
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