The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl- Volume 20
This is the blog I am, not supposed to write. The things I am not supposed to say about what happened when my ability to parent was challenged and I ended up in the family court system. But I am writing it anyway, because it is all truth and all part of public record in Richland County (expedited court order number 10DB403665). The things I am referencing are documents you could request and read. I am not using any names, to protect the guilty, but I am quoting those public documents, as well as sharing my insights about what is wrong with the family court system and my advice for others who are in or may end up in it. I am telling only part of this story. Much went on prior to my accident and all discussions that are not part of public record are not discussed in this blog
My accident occurred on July 24, 2010. Om August 25, 2010 I was served with an order for an emergency and expedited hearing because the Plaintiff requested he be granted temporary custody of our child based on the fact I was legally blind and required third parties to care for both myself and for the minor child. The court granted this hearing, to occur on September 3, 2010. The order stated, in several places, that the defendant is unable to care for herself and must rely upon third parties to assist with activities of daily living. It also states that I would be undergoing several surgeries with an undetermined period of recovery. The order states that I did not inform the Plaintiff of my injuries after the accident and in fact tried to keep the extent of my injuries secret. It also states that my child was being cared for by third parties, some of who were known and some of whom were unknown to the Plaintiff. In sum, it states that given my inability to care for myself and the time and energy needed to recover from upcoming surgeries that I would not have the time, energy or ability to be a single parent. The order asked the Court to give the Plaintiff custody of the minor child until the defendant had achieved “maximum recovery”, that he be relieved of paying any child support while the minor child was in his residence, that pre-trial discovery be allowed and they be granted access to all medical records and that a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) be appointed.
The only truth in the order (and the affidavit included in it) was that I had an accident and was legally blind, the rest was untrue. At that time the nature and extent of surgeries was unknown, but it was known that they would be outpatient and maybe one or two would occur. It goes without saying that within a week after I was released from the hospital, I was caring for both myself and my child, and receiving some assistance in meals and of course, transportation. And since I was on the news on August 12, I don’t think I was trying to hide anything from anybody. What you should know is that, according to several lawyers with whom I spoke, including the one I hired, that there is no such thing as temporary custody. If you are sued for a temporary change in custody and it is granted, then the Plaintiff usually motions for permanent custody, which then the court is likely to grant. There were many inconsistencies in the order as to when the Plaintiff knew of my injuries, what was known and other information. But, the Court found there was sufficient evidence for a hearing to be granted. And when this happens and you are the defendant then you are in the position of doing just that—defending yourself and refuting all the claims made against you. In this system, you are guilty until proven innocent.
After receiving the order I had one week to gather affidavits, signed and notarized statements from people who could both refute the claims made and attest to my ability to parent, my parenting skills and character as a person in general. In that week I managed to secure 26 affidavits consistently refuting each accusation made by the Plaintiff. The affidavits included statements from my doctors, the head of the SC Federation of the Blind on the ability of blind parents to be stable and loving parents, as well as the statement of an expert witness who had testified in similar cases as to the ability of blind parents to provide care the same as sighted parents. When I went into my emergency court hearing, armed with all the affidavits refuting everything in the order and saying that I was not only caring for myself, but for my child and doing it well, I thought it was going to be case closed with no evidence to proceed. And I could not have been more wrong.
What you should know is that the emergency or expedited hearing is a formality to begin the court process. The judge receives the affidavits about 10 to 15 minutes before the hearing so there is no time for them to be read. It is a perfunctory hearing where a Guardian is appointed to determine if you are fit to parent and retain custody. So, at this point we know 1) a person can make false claims and submit a document that contains glaring inconsistencies in those claims and numerous untruths and a judge will still sign it and send you into the court system, and 2) there is really no way to refute those claims with evidence because it is not read or considered before or during the expedited hearing. At this point, in a way, I am still guilty.
After the hearing, I voluntarily handed over my medical records, even though later a motion was filed in the court to obtain those same records. The GAL was given 6 to 8 names of people to interview (these were never done) and also conducted an interview and home visit with each parent. What you should know about the GAL process is that you have to pay a retainer up front. Mine was 1500 (which I had to borrow). I have no clue what people who cannot afford this do because you are ordered to pay before the GAL starts working. The judge ordered that a report be issued by the GAL within 30 to 45 days of the date of the expedited hearing. This did not happen; the report was issued 74 days after the hearing. There are some things you need to know about GAL’s. According to several people with whom I spoke, lawyer GAL’s in the State of South Carolina that work outside the Department of Social Services system do not have to receive ANY training in order to be a guardian. In addition, there is no accountability in the system when the GAL does not issue a report in the time constraints ordered by the judge. Lastly, if the judge does not ask for a recommendation by the GAL, then none are made in the report. Our report generally stated that I was fit to parent.
After the GAL said I was a fit parent the rest of the process was about two issues, control and money. The Plaintiff began a process of requests for changes to the original order of divorce. In the end, after almost 7 months, 7500 in legal fees and 2500 in GAL fees (these were just my costs) the changes made to the order of divorce included (and this is also part of public record, filed on March 2, 2011) that the Plaintiff does not have any obligation to pay for physical therapy, extracurricular activities or private school for the minor child. However I must consult and confer with the Plaintiff about any extracurricular activities and any physical therapy in which the minor child is enrolled. It was also agreed that the Plaintiff would pay no additional child support per month. No additional visitation or time with the minor child was requested. The two weeks of summer vacation placed as a change in the order was already in the original order. The Plaintiff was also required to pay 3000 toward my legal fees.
So, I stood in front of a judge and agreed that all this was fair for me and our child. But the truth is there is no fairness in the family court system and there are no winners, nor does there appear to be any accountability. There is no one really doing things that are in the best interest of the child. I am also confused as to why matters that did not pertain to my ability to parent, which was the nature of this litigation, were even allowed to be put on the table. The answer is that once you are in the system, all bets are off and everything is open to negotiation. I agreed to something I did not think was fair because I needed the litigation and legal fees to end, and I could not convince the Plaintiff that we needed to discuss and agree to changes outside of the system. I needed this to stop to protect my child and to move forward. And I needed this to stop because the lies and accusations were just going to continue and I could not expend any more energy defending myself. After our March 2 hearing the opposing counsel actually thanked me for being so agreeable. I was not actually agreeable in this matter, just rational and absolutely fed up.
What I have learned is that it is best, at all costs, to stay out of the family court system. Try and negotiate with the other side and end things as quickly as possible. Put all your anger and ego and whatever else to the side and do what is in the best interest of your child. If you cannot avoid the system and are dragged into it, as I was, know and have faith that if you tell the truth then in the end it will be OK. Control your anger (or if you need to vent leave rants on your lawyer’s voice mail as I did) and act rationally in a system which seems and is irrational. And choose your battles wisely. Continually ask yourself if haggling over something is worth the time, expense and energy. Push for resolution through dialogue or mediation and get it over with as quickly as you possibly can, learning and paying attention to the fact that what you can control is only how you respond. Read everything several times and ask questions. Some lawyers play games and try to slip things in that have huge consequences because they think that you will miss them or that you won’t understand the legal jargon. Be educated, aware and attentive at all times. And by all means, stand up for yourself and for your child and do it with strength and grace, but know when it is better to fold.
Lastly, I want to say that I am an educated white woman who is assertive and had to be sharp, attentive, and have money (albeit donated or loaned) to mount a defense. I do not know how those without money get justice in this system or how they can mount a competent and consistent defense. I am also saddened by the fact that this case took up time in a system where there are cases that need to be heard and children that need to be protected. I feel that my case should have never ended up in this system and when it did it should have been quickly resolved.
I want to thank my lawyer for waiving over 2500 of his fees and for the support of my family and friends throughout this process. I want to thank those who donated and loaned me the funds to defend my ability to parent and those who wrote me the affidavits. I could have not made it through without all this.
Next week I am back to my usual blog format and will have some funny stories about my new adventures in salsa and voice lessons and reconnecting with a childhood friend.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
This is the blog I am, not supposed to write. The things I am not supposed to say about what happened when my ability to parent was challenged and I ended up in the family court system. But I am writing it anyway, because it is all truth and all part of public record in Richland County (expedited court order number 10DB403665). The things I am referencing are documents you could request and read. I am not using any names, to protect the guilty, but I am quoting those public documents, as well as sharing my insights about what is wrong with the family court system and my advice for others who are in or may end up in it. I am telling only part of this story. Much went on prior to my accident and all discussions that are not part of public record are not discussed in this blog
My accident occurred on July 24, 2010. Om August 25, 2010 I was served with an order for an emergency and expedited hearing because the Plaintiff requested he be granted temporary custody of our child based on the fact I was legally blind and required third parties to care for both myself and for the minor child. The court granted this hearing, to occur on September 3, 2010. The order stated, in several places, that the defendant is unable to care for herself and must rely upon third parties to assist with activities of daily living. It also states that I would be undergoing several surgeries with an undetermined period of recovery. The order states that I did not inform the Plaintiff of my injuries after the accident and in fact tried to keep the extent of my injuries secret. It also states that my child was being cared for by third parties, some of who were known and some of whom were unknown to the Plaintiff. In sum, it states that given my inability to care for myself and the time and energy needed to recover from upcoming surgeries that I would not have the time, energy or ability to be a single parent. The order asked the Court to give the Plaintiff custody of the minor child until the defendant had achieved “maximum recovery”, that he be relieved of paying any child support while the minor child was in his residence, that pre-trial discovery be allowed and they be granted access to all medical records and that a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) be appointed.
The only truth in the order (and the affidavit included in it) was that I had an accident and was legally blind, the rest was untrue. At that time the nature and extent of surgeries was unknown, but it was known that they would be outpatient and maybe one or two would occur. It goes without saying that within a week after I was released from the hospital, I was caring for both myself and my child, and receiving some assistance in meals and of course, transportation. And since I was on the news on August 12, I don’t think I was trying to hide anything from anybody. What you should know is that, according to several lawyers with whom I spoke, including the one I hired, that there is no such thing as temporary custody. If you are sued for a temporary change in custody and it is granted, then the Plaintiff usually motions for permanent custody, which then the court is likely to grant. There were many inconsistencies in the order as to when the Plaintiff knew of my injuries, what was known and other information. But, the Court found there was sufficient evidence for a hearing to be granted. And when this happens and you are the defendant then you are in the position of doing just that—defending yourself and refuting all the claims made against you. In this system, you are guilty until proven innocent.
After receiving the order I had one week to gather affidavits, signed and notarized statements from people who could both refute the claims made and attest to my ability to parent, my parenting skills and character as a person in general. In that week I managed to secure 26 affidavits consistently refuting each accusation made by the Plaintiff. The affidavits included statements from my doctors, the head of the SC Federation of the Blind on the ability of blind parents to be stable and loving parents, as well as the statement of an expert witness who had testified in similar cases as to the ability of blind parents to provide care the same as sighted parents. When I went into my emergency court hearing, armed with all the affidavits refuting everything in the order and saying that I was not only caring for myself, but for my child and doing it well, I thought it was going to be case closed with no evidence to proceed. And I could not have been more wrong.
What you should know is that the emergency or expedited hearing is a formality to begin the court process. The judge receives the affidavits about 10 to 15 minutes before the hearing so there is no time for them to be read. It is a perfunctory hearing where a Guardian is appointed to determine if you are fit to parent and retain custody. So, at this point we know 1) a person can make false claims and submit a document that contains glaring inconsistencies in those claims and numerous untruths and a judge will still sign it and send you into the court system, and 2) there is really no way to refute those claims with evidence because it is not read or considered before or during the expedited hearing. At this point, in a way, I am still guilty.
After the hearing, I voluntarily handed over my medical records, even though later a motion was filed in the court to obtain those same records. The GAL was given 6 to 8 names of people to interview (these were never done) and also conducted an interview and home visit with each parent. What you should know about the GAL process is that you have to pay a retainer up front. Mine was 1500 (which I had to borrow). I have no clue what people who cannot afford this do because you are ordered to pay before the GAL starts working. The judge ordered that a report be issued by the GAL within 30 to 45 days of the date of the expedited hearing. This did not happen; the report was issued 74 days after the hearing. There are some things you need to know about GAL’s. According to several people with whom I spoke, lawyer GAL’s in the State of South Carolina that work outside the Department of Social Services system do not have to receive ANY training in order to be a guardian. In addition, there is no accountability in the system when the GAL does not issue a report in the time constraints ordered by the judge. Lastly, if the judge does not ask for a recommendation by the GAL, then none are made in the report. Our report generally stated that I was fit to parent.
After the GAL said I was a fit parent the rest of the process was about two issues, control and money. The Plaintiff began a process of requests for changes to the original order of divorce. In the end, after almost 7 months, 7500 in legal fees and 2500 in GAL fees (these were just my costs) the changes made to the order of divorce included (and this is also part of public record, filed on March 2, 2011) that the Plaintiff does not have any obligation to pay for physical therapy, extracurricular activities or private school for the minor child. However I must consult and confer with the Plaintiff about any extracurricular activities and any physical therapy in which the minor child is enrolled. It was also agreed that the Plaintiff would pay no additional child support per month. No additional visitation or time with the minor child was requested. The two weeks of summer vacation placed as a change in the order was already in the original order. The Plaintiff was also required to pay 3000 toward my legal fees.
So, I stood in front of a judge and agreed that all this was fair for me and our child. But the truth is there is no fairness in the family court system and there are no winners, nor does there appear to be any accountability. There is no one really doing things that are in the best interest of the child. I am also confused as to why matters that did not pertain to my ability to parent, which was the nature of this litigation, were even allowed to be put on the table. The answer is that once you are in the system, all bets are off and everything is open to negotiation. I agreed to something I did not think was fair because I needed the litigation and legal fees to end, and I could not convince the Plaintiff that we needed to discuss and agree to changes outside of the system. I needed this to stop to protect my child and to move forward. And I needed this to stop because the lies and accusations were just going to continue and I could not expend any more energy defending myself. After our March 2 hearing the opposing counsel actually thanked me for being so agreeable. I was not actually agreeable in this matter, just rational and absolutely fed up.
What I have learned is that it is best, at all costs, to stay out of the family court system. Try and negotiate with the other side and end things as quickly as possible. Put all your anger and ego and whatever else to the side and do what is in the best interest of your child. If you cannot avoid the system and are dragged into it, as I was, know and have faith that if you tell the truth then in the end it will be OK. Control your anger (or if you need to vent leave rants on your lawyer’s voice mail as I did) and act rationally in a system which seems and is irrational. And choose your battles wisely. Continually ask yourself if haggling over something is worth the time, expense and energy. Push for resolution through dialogue or mediation and get it over with as quickly as you possibly can, learning and paying attention to the fact that what you can control is only how you respond. Read everything several times and ask questions. Some lawyers play games and try to slip things in that have huge consequences because they think that you will miss them or that you won’t understand the legal jargon. Be educated, aware and attentive at all times. And by all means, stand up for yourself and for your child and do it with strength and grace, but know when it is better to fold.
Lastly, I want to say that I am an educated white woman who is assertive and had to be sharp, attentive, and have money (albeit donated or loaned) to mount a defense. I do not know how those without money get justice in this system or how they can mount a competent and consistent defense. I am also saddened by the fact that this case took up time in a system where there are cases that need to be heard and children that need to be protected. I feel that my case should have never ended up in this system and when it did it should have been quickly resolved.
I want to thank my lawyer for waiving over 2500 of his fees and for the support of my family and friends throughout this process. I want to thank those who donated and loaned me the funds to defend my ability to parent and those who wrote me the affidavits. I could have not made it through without all this.
Next week I am back to my usual blog format and will have some funny stories about my new adventures in salsa and voice lessons and reconnecting with a childhood friend.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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