THE ADVENTURES OF THE BLIND/LOW VISION/VISUALLY IMPAIRED (BLOVI) GIRL –Volume 8
What should I write about after Thanksgiving but the BLOVI’s weekend shopping trip with her mother? And what
could be more fun than looking for clothes for yourself when visually impaired, while fighting crowds and listening to the running commentary of a mother? Good Times. But first…
My WTF of the week is the Pink line of underthings at Victoria’s Secret. So I am looking at the panties on sale and decide to check out the Pink table. The first ones I pick up say HO, HO, HO on the back. I can see this because it is large font in glittery gold. The next ones I read say I do it with a BANG. For effect I keep picking up panties and, if I can read them repeat out loud, things like do these really say KISS ME on the front. And if I can’t read them, I ask my mom or the salesperson straightening the table what do these say. Some had boys’ names on them and some had girls’ names (glad there are panties for both gay and straight women). By this time several sales people had gathered and were telling me what all the panties and bras said. Other sayings were “unwrap me” and “let’s make out”. I would think if this was being communicated on your underwear you would be at what we called back in the day “third base”. Why this is a WTF is because the Pink line is marketed to teens and young adults, and is also bought by pre-teens. So we, in the middle of the crowded VS, came up with a plan that when you by the panties you get a pack of condoms, a voucher for the GYN, and some literature on your choices in dealing with sex. Needless to say I went over to the panties for mature adults, hoping to find some that said “I love my jackrabbit”.
This week I can’t get enough of my new Miraculous bra. The reason I went to the above mentioned store was to find this bra. So I tried on my size and stood there waiting for a miracle to occur like I can see a little better, or a call from my disability company admitting they had screwed up my case, or my lawyer actually returning a phone call but the only thing that happened was that the thing was too big and the bra fitter said words I did not want to hear about a smaller cup size. In the end I got one that fit and realized there was nothing truly miraculous about it, except that I did look bigger and this helps clothes look better. Although, when wearing it out, I should carry a disclaimer that says “objects may appear larger than they really are”.
So my mom and I go to a crowded mall the Saturday to go to 2 stores. I have not been shopping for myself since before the accident and I had some gift certificates for Banana Republic, a store I cannot typically afford. And, I have dropped a size and did need a few things that fit. I can’t stand shopping and trying things on, so I shop online. Now that I have to zoom way up to see, I can no longer see pictures on the web. So, I found myself at a mall for the first time in over a year with my mom who was in town for the holiday. The first store was the Victoria’s Secret. Besides the Miraculous bra and Pink experience I also got to have my mother search for my size in underwear. So she would find the size and hold them up really close to my face and say “Do you like these?” I also got sidetracked by the lingerie with rhinestones and glitter, because I can see those well. My problem is that they are so fabulous I want to wear them out with just some accessories like on the VS fashion show. Why pay good money for something so fierce that you cover it up? And we all know that there is no use wearing it for men so it can stay on for 2 minutes. I now understand that Seinfeld episode where that woman went around in her bra. Except she got sued for the havoc it caused and I would probably do more damage given the blindness thing. Plus I would just need another lawyer to add to the ones I already have to deal with.
The second store experience was the Banana Republic. I go in and my mom hunts down a salesperson and says that I am blind and need assistance. I add that my mom has no taste and that is why I am relying on the help of a knowledgeable associate. I describe the pieces I need and have to ask for clarification about the exact color or pattern, but I manage to end up with a dressing room full of items to try on as fast as possible. What slows me down is that my mom comes in the dressing room with me thinking I am in need of assistance putting on the clothes. Mostly she manages to mix up the ones I like and the NO pile. She also keeps talking about the prices being outrageous. On our way to the register she mentions that the salesperson failed to show me any of the sale items. I said “Mom, that was your job and I can’t try on anything else or be wedged in a dressing room with you.” I pile my 8 items up at the register, thankful that the whole store is 25 percent off and I have gift certificates. Then she announces the total is $460 before she takes off the amount on the gift cards. My cheap self almost freaks out because I could not see any of the prices and try to calm myself using Stacy and Clinton’s Cost per Wear equation. But what works better is that I decide to blame my mom. I say, “Why didn’t you tell me how much I was spending?” Then my mom utters words that are verboten at the register in a busy store, “Why don’t we put some of the things back?” I worked in retail in the 80’s for 4 years and when people said that I would want to yell at them or jump over the counter and escort them out of the store. The register person sounded really annoyed and I could not see her face but I knew she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. I said very quickly “No, just apply the gift cards—I just have a need to give my mom hell around the Holiday season.” Then my mom says the second worst thing you can do at the register---split tenders. I was fully prepared to pay the balance, but she insisted on sharing the cost, using two different credit cards, added to mine that was three. When I was in retail we were still using those manual credit card machines, so I would say NO if anyone wanted to pay using more than one method. Thank goodness for the new computer systems so there was not a riot behind us.
Physically and mentally exhausted after the experience I was drawn to the smell of cinnamon wafting through the mall so I followed my nose and ended up at the Auntie Mae’s scarfing down cinnamon bites and drinking a Coke Zero. I will not be returning to a mall anytime soon because I need time to recover from the experience. But I have to give my mom a big shout out for putting up with my lack of patience and surly mood.
Going shopping makes me think about the difference between what we want and what we need. I went to get some items that I needed and did not want to browse for anything else. But the mall was packed with people buying lots of stuff they wanted or wanted for others. Right now I spend most of my time fighting to get what I need, and think little about, material things I want. When I think about want I want, I want my child to be happy, my friends and family to have things go well, and for me I want to do more motivational speaking and have my own radio show. That would make me happy.
Next week I am thinking of writing about how I plan to change my life and the world. Or I may do a things I love blog like Oprah does on her favorite things show.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
What should I write about after Thanksgiving but the BLOVI’s weekend shopping trip with her mother? And what
could be more fun than looking for clothes for yourself when visually impaired, while fighting crowds and listening to the running commentary of a mother? Good Times. But first…
My WTF of the week is the Pink line of underthings at Victoria’s Secret. So I am looking at the panties on sale and decide to check out the Pink table. The first ones I pick up say HO, HO, HO on the back. I can see this because it is large font in glittery gold. The next ones I read say I do it with a BANG. For effect I keep picking up panties and, if I can read them repeat out loud, things like do these really say KISS ME on the front. And if I can’t read them, I ask my mom or the salesperson straightening the table what do these say. Some had boys’ names on them and some had girls’ names (glad there are panties for both gay and straight women). By this time several sales people had gathered and were telling me what all the panties and bras said. Other sayings were “unwrap me” and “let’s make out”. I would think if this was being communicated on your underwear you would be at what we called back in the day “third base”. Why this is a WTF is because the Pink line is marketed to teens and young adults, and is also bought by pre-teens. So we, in the middle of the crowded VS, came up with a plan that when you by the panties you get a pack of condoms, a voucher for the GYN, and some literature on your choices in dealing with sex. Needless to say I went over to the panties for mature adults, hoping to find some that said “I love my jackrabbit”.
This week I can’t get enough of my new Miraculous bra. The reason I went to the above mentioned store was to find this bra. So I tried on my size and stood there waiting for a miracle to occur like I can see a little better, or a call from my disability company admitting they had screwed up my case, or my lawyer actually returning a phone call but the only thing that happened was that the thing was too big and the bra fitter said words I did not want to hear about a smaller cup size. In the end I got one that fit and realized there was nothing truly miraculous about it, except that I did look bigger and this helps clothes look better. Although, when wearing it out, I should carry a disclaimer that says “objects may appear larger than they really are”.
So my mom and I go to a crowded mall the Saturday to go to 2 stores. I have not been shopping for myself since before the accident and I had some gift certificates for Banana Republic, a store I cannot typically afford. And, I have dropped a size and did need a few things that fit. I can’t stand shopping and trying things on, so I shop online. Now that I have to zoom way up to see, I can no longer see pictures on the web. So, I found myself at a mall for the first time in over a year with my mom who was in town for the holiday. The first store was the Victoria’s Secret. Besides the Miraculous bra and Pink experience I also got to have my mother search for my size in underwear. So she would find the size and hold them up really close to my face and say “Do you like these?” I also got sidetracked by the lingerie with rhinestones and glitter, because I can see those well. My problem is that they are so fabulous I want to wear them out with just some accessories like on the VS fashion show. Why pay good money for something so fierce that you cover it up? And we all know that there is no use wearing it for men so it can stay on for 2 minutes. I now understand that Seinfeld episode where that woman went around in her bra. Except she got sued for the havoc it caused and I would probably do more damage given the blindness thing. Plus I would just need another lawyer to add to the ones I already have to deal with.
The second store experience was the Banana Republic. I go in and my mom hunts down a salesperson and says that I am blind and need assistance. I add that my mom has no taste and that is why I am relying on the help of a knowledgeable associate. I describe the pieces I need and have to ask for clarification about the exact color or pattern, but I manage to end up with a dressing room full of items to try on as fast as possible. What slows me down is that my mom comes in the dressing room with me thinking I am in need of assistance putting on the clothes. Mostly she manages to mix up the ones I like and the NO pile. She also keeps talking about the prices being outrageous. On our way to the register she mentions that the salesperson failed to show me any of the sale items. I said “Mom, that was your job and I can’t try on anything else or be wedged in a dressing room with you.” I pile my 8 items up at the register, thankful that the whole store is 25 percent off and I have gift certificates. Then she announces the total is $460 before she takes off the amount on the gift cards. My cheap self almost freaks out because I could not see any of the prices and try to calm myself using Stacy and Clinton’s Cost per Wear equation. But what works better is that I decide to blame my mom. I say, “Why didn’t you tell me how much I was spending?” Then my mom utters words that are verboten at the register in a busy store, “Why don’t we put some of the things back?” I worked in retail in the 80’s for 4 years and when people said that I would want to yell at them or jump over the counter and escort them out of the store. The register person sounded really annoyed and I could not see her face but I knew she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. I said very quickly “No, just apply the gift cards—I just have a need to give my mom hell around the Holiday season.” Then my mom says the second worst thing you can do at the register---split tenders. I was fully prepared to pay the balance, but she insisted on sharing the cost, using two different credit cards, added to mine that was three. When I was in retail we were still using those manual credit card machines, so I would say NO if anyone wanted to pay using more than one method. Thank goodness for the new computer systems so there was not a riot behind us.
Physically and mentally exhausted after the experience I was drawn to the smell of cinnamon wafting through the mall so I followed my nose and ended up at the Auntie Mae’s scarfing down cinnamon bites and drinking a Coke Zero. I will not be returning to a mall anytime soon because I need time to recover from the experience. But I have to give my mom a big shout out for putting up with my lack of patience and surly mood.
Going shopping makes me think about the difference between what we want and what we need. I went to get some items that I needed and did not want to browse for anything else. But the mall was packed with people buying lots of stuff they wanted or wanted for others. Right now I spend most of my time fighting to get what I need, and think little about, material things I want. When I think about want I want, I want my child to be happy, my friends and family to have things go well, and for me I want to do more motivational speaking and have my own radio show. That would make me happy.
Next week I am thinking of writing about how I plan to change my life and the world. Or I may do a things I love blog like Oprah does on her favorite things show.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
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