October 27, 2010 -- Posted by: Beth
The Adventures of the Newly Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired Girl (BLOVI)
Welcome back. I know you are expecting me to talk about the cool stuff you can get when you are blind, but I am leaving that for next week. Reason being, this Friday, I get fitted for my telescopic spectacles, and I must have a picture of those to put in my blog because they are the craziest things ever.
My WTF of the week kind of has a Halloween theme. Supposedly, I have a karmic spider web being held by five people and in this spider web is some big ball of karmic guilt and regret which is not actually my own guilt and regret, but the guilt and regret of the other people holding on to the ends of the spider web. How do I know this? An intuitive energy healer that I see visualized this during my last session. Supposedly, I have to somehow shrink the karmic ball or get some of the five people to work on their guilt and regrets so they drop their end of the web. If anyone out there can figure out how I’m supposed to do this, please let me know and if you think you are one of these five people, please work on your crap and let go of the web.
The thing I can’t get enough of this week is wigs on kids. This year my daughter wanted the Belle wig to complete her costume. The Belle wig turned out to be a big brown curly bouffant style thing and when she put it on, it was the funniest thing ever. Why didn’t I think about this before? Placing various wigs on my child. I think I had one of those “Toddlers and Tiaras” mothers’ moments without the fake tan and make up. I suggest that all parents make their children don wigs for their own amusement and for the amusement of the kids.
This week I have decided to get a little serious with my blog and talk about some of the things I have learned in the three months since my accident about our ability to survive just about anything.
In the last three months since my accident, I’ve learned a great deal of lessons about what happens to you and the people around you when you go through a life changing event. In a split second my life changed but many of us go through changes in our lives, some drastic, some minor. But life is about change because change is constant. So I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve learned in the process of going through a major life change, a change that was sudden, a change that was traumatic, but none the less a change.
Number one, it’s ok to feel angry or sorry for yourself but only for a little while. It’s natural to have feelings of sadness. It’s natural to grieve over the loss of something. It’s natural to feel angry about your situation, to place blame. It’s okay to feel that way but only for a moment. You can have your pity party, but only for a day or two, and then you have to move on. What I’ve learned is that if you spend too much time being angry or too much time having a pity party you end up not being able to adapt to your change because it keeps you in a place of helplessness and what you need to be is in a place of hope and of growth. So move on, have your pity party, have your anger, but move forward and try to do it as quickly as you can.
Number two, you are never alone. Even though sometimes when we go through major changes and we’re dealing with something that we think no one else can understand or no one else is going through, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Even if you don’t ask people to be around you, people will help you, they will come to your side. You’re also never alone because you always have yourself to rely on. You have friends to rely on, you have family to rely on, and really none of us are separate from the Creator or separate from the universe. So the idea of being alone is a false one. You’re never alone and keep remembering that. Remembering that I was not alone, even when I couldn’t see anything, kept away some of the fear of being in darkness.
Number three, it is okay to be vulnerable and to show your vulnerability. Some of us like to be strong all the time, to project an image of being strong and fearless, but sometimes it’s not the truth and the truth is that we’re scared and that we’re vulnerable and it’s okay to show weakness when you feel weak and it’s okay to admit that you’re vulnerable. After my accident, I had to rely on others completely and I was completely open and vulnerable to the people around me, and it took awhile for me to learn that this was okay because sometimes we need help, we need to rely on others, and do that completely exposed, but being completely exposed is not always a bad thing. There is always learning and growth that can come from it. I learned and grew because I learned that I could be dependent on other people when I had to be and I could still feel okay with it. Vulnerability and showing vulnerability is just part of who we are as people. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Being vulnerable and knowing that you are vulnerable at times is authentic and real. It is unfortunate but true that some people will literally take advantage of your vulnerability. I have had people say and do some very mean things since my accident. I don’t have the time or the energy to ponder why people can be cruel. What I do know is that these people are typically hurting themselves in some way and the difficult part is that you have to try and forgive them.
Number four, you have to ask for help and when you do, people will come to your aid. One thing I’ve learned is that people don’t know what to say or what to do. After I had my accident, there were people that didn’t call me for several weeks and these were people close to me and what they said when they called me finally was I didn’t call you because I didn’t know what to say to you and I did not know how to help you. That’s okay and it has to be okay for you if the people around you sometimes, when you’re going through a crisis or a change, don’t really know how to react. That’s natural. People sometimes don’t know what to do or what to say. I’m not talking about everyone. Sometimes people are natural caregivers. They jump right in, they know what to do, they know what to say, they know how to meet your needs, but in the end you’re the only one that can get your needs met and sometimes that means asking for what you need. What I’ve learned is that I’ve had to ask very specifically for what I need and for even sometimes what I want to hear from people and that has given them a sense of relief, because in the end, what I’ve also learned is that some people would really like to be told how they can help you in very specific terms. They need it defined for them so they can feel like they are helping and supporting you. Left on their own to guess this information, they also feel helpless, so empower them and empower yourself by letting them know specifically how they can help.
Number five, you can adapt to anything. One thing that I’ve learned is how great our adaptability is as human beings. As I’ve begun to adapt from a person with sight to a person with limited sight, I’ve been amazed at how quickly you can figure out how to get around problems and obstacles. Do you have to be a good problem solver? Yes, that helps, but even if you’re not, you will naturally find ways to solve your problems and do things in new and different ways when you’re presented with challenges. The adaptability and flexibility of ourselves and of our spirits and of our beings is amazing and if you trust that you can adapt, then you will and if you believe that you can adapt and change, then you will, no matter what it is.
Number six, you have to have hope for the future to be able to move forward. One thing I’ve learned, especially when I’ve been given news that there is no hope for a change in my vision, is that I have to believe that there is hope in the future, whether it be through new surgeries, new technology, or what else is coming in the next five to ten years. I have hope and I have a true belief that eventually they will find a way to fix what I have. Having that hope and having the positive perspective is what keeps me moving forward every day. Having hope, believing in things, and believing that you will move forward and that things will be different, that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see like me, is really the most important thing in getting through a change process, is seeing the end in sight, knowing what it is, and having hope that things are going to be better and things are going to work out.
Number seven, you will grow as a person and learn when you go through changes, we just can’t help it. Going through a change, especially one that is traumatic, changes you forever. Changes who you are. Changes how you deal with things. Changes how you see things. You’re never going to be the same again and that’s a good thing because in the midst of change is a great deal of learning, if you are willing to have vision and perspective and if you are willing to continually ask yourself the question “What am I supposed to be learning from this?” What I ask myself now that I don’t have sight is, “What am I supposed to see without my sight? What am I supposed to learn? How am I supposed to grow? How will I be different from this and how will that be a good thing, a better thing? How will I become a better person because of this?” In any change process, you can become stronger. You can become better. You will be different.
Number eight, maybe this sounds like a contradiction, but, just because something changes about you, even something radical, doesn’t change who you are as a person. I, as now a visually impaired person, am pretty much the same I was as a sighted person. I try to live my life in the same way. I have my same mission, my same purpose, my same values. So having something different about you, even if it was a disability that you didn’t have before doesn’t make you a different human being. Yes, you do things differently, you have different perspectives, you adapt, you change. But the core of who you are, especially when you know who you are remains the same. That’s important to know because know that even though something about you is different, you at the core are the same and you can’t be discounted or disrespected or allow yourself to be taken advantage of, even in your time of vulnerability, even in your time of disability. You are still at the core, who you are, and if who you are is strong and centered and grounded, that is still who you are and sometimes you have to remind yourself of that.
Keep moving forward,
Beth "BLOVI" Medlock
Welcome back. I know you are expecting me to talk about the cool stuff you can get when you are blind, but I am leaving that for next week. Reason being, this Friday, I get fitted for my telescopic spectacles, and I must have a picture of those to put in my blog because they are the craziest things ever.
My WTF of the week kind of has a Halloween theme. Supposedly, I have a karmic spider web being held by five people and in this spider web is some big ball of karmic guilt and regret which is not actually my own guilt and regret, but the guilt and regret of the other people holding on to the ends of the spider web. How do I know this? An intuitive energy healer that I see visualized this during my last session. Supposedly, I have to somehow shrink the karmic ball or get some of the five people to work on their guilt and regrets so they drop their end of the web. If anyone out there can figure out how I’m supposed to do this, please let me know and if you think you are one of these five people, please work on your crap and let go of the web.
The thing I can’t get enough of this week is wigs on kids. This year my daughter wanted the Belle wig to complete her costume. The Belle wig turned out to be a big brown curly bouffant style thing and when she put it on, it was the funniest thing ever. Why didn’t I think about this before? Placing various wigs on my child. I think I had one of those “Toddlers and Tiaras” mothers’ moments without the fake tan and make up. I suggest that all parents make their children don wigs for their own amusement and for the amusement of the kids.
This week I have decided to get a little serious with my blog and talk about some of the things I have learned in the three months since my accident about our ability to survive just about anything.
In the last three months since my accident, I’ve learned a great deal of lessons about what happens to you and the people around you when you go through a life changing event. In a split second my life changed but many of us go through changes in our lives, some drastic, some minor. But life is about change because change is constant. So I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve learned in the process of going through a major life change, a change that was sudden, a change that was traumatic, but none the less a change.
Number one, it’s ok to feel angry or sorry for yourself but only for a little while. It’s natural to have feelings of sadness. It’s natural to grieve over the loss of something. It’s natural to feel angry about your situation, to place blame. It’s okay to feel that way but only for a moment. You can have your pity party, but only for a day or two, and then you have to move on. What I’ve learned is that if you spend too much time being angry or too much time having a pity party you end up not being able to adapt to your change because it keeps you in a place of helplessness and what you need to be is in a place of hope and of growth. So move on, have your pity party, have your anger, but move forward and try to do it as quickly as you can.
Number two, you are never alone. Even though sometimes when we go through major changes and we’re dealing with something that we think no one else can understand or no one else is going through, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Even if you don’t ask people to be around you, people will help you, they will come to your side. You’re also never alone because you always have yourself to rely on. You have friends to rely on, you have family to rely on, and really none of us are separate from the Creator or separate from the universe. So the idea of being alone is a false one. You’re never alone and keep remembering that. Remembering that I was not alone, even when I couldn’t see anything, kept away some of the fear of being in darkness.
Number three, it is okay to be vulnerable and to show your vulnerability. Some of us like to be strong all the time, to project an image of being strong and fearless, but sometimes it’s not the truth and the truth is that we’re scared and that we’re vulnerable and it’s okay to show weakness when you feel weak and it’s okay to admit that you’re vulnerable. After my accident, I had to rely on others completely and I was completely open and vulnerable to the people around me, and it took awhile for me to learn that this was okay because sometimes we need help, we need to rely on others, and do that completely exposed, but being completely exposed is not always a bad thing. There is always learning and growth that can come from it. I learned and grew because I learned that I could be dependent on other people when I had to be and I could still feel okay with it. Vulnerability and showing vulnerability is just part of who we are as people. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Being vulnerable and knowing that you are vulnerable at times is authentic and real. It is unfortunate but true that some people will literally take advantage of your vulnerability. I have had people say and do some very mean things since my accident. I don’t have the time or the energy to ponder why people can be cruel. What I do know is that these people are typically hurting themselves in some way and the difficult part is that you have to try and forgive them.
Number four, you have to ask for help and when you do, people will come to your aid. One thing I’ve learned is that people don’t know what to say or what to do. After I had my accident, there were people that didn’t call me for several weeks and these were people close to me and what they said when they called me finally was I didn’t call you because I didn’t know what to say to you and I did not know how to help you. That’s okay and it has to be okay for you if the people around you sometimes, when you’re going through a crisis or a change, don’t really know how to react. That’s natural. People sometimes don’t know what to do or what to say. I’m not talking about everyone. Sometimes people are natural caregivers. They jump right in, they know what to do, they know what to say, they know how to meet your needs, but in the end you’re the only one that can get your needs met and sometimes that means asking for what you need. What I’ve learned is that I’ve had to ask very specifically for what I need and for even sometimes what I want to hear from people and that has given them a sense of relief, because in the end, what I’ve also learned is that some people would really like to be told how they can help you in very specific terms. They need it defined for them so they can feel like they are helping and supporting you. Left on their own to guess this information, they also feel helpless, so empower them and empower yourself by letting them know specifically how they can help.
Number five, you can adapt to anything. One thing that I’ve learned is how great our adaptability is as human beings. As I’ve begun to adapt from a person with sight to a person with limited sight, I’ve been amazed at how quickly you can figure out how to get around problems and obstacles. Do you have to be a good problem solver? Yes, that helps, but even if you’re not, you will naturally find ways to solve your problems and do things in new and different ways when you’re presented with challenges. The adaptability and flexibility of ourselves and of our spirits and of our beings is amazing and if you trust that you can adapt, then you will and if you believe that you can adapt and change, then you will, no matter what it is.
Number six, you have to have hope for the future to be able to move forward. One thing I’ve learned, especially when I’ve been given news that there is no hope for a change in my vision, is that I have to believe that there is hope in the future, whether it be through new surgeries, new technology, or what else is coming in the next five to ten years. I have hope and I have a true belief that eventually they will find a way to fix what I have. Having that hope and having the positive perspective is what keeps me moving forward every day. Having hope, believing in things, and believing that you will move forward and that things will be different, that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see like me, is really the most important thing in getting through a change process, is seeing the end in sight, knowing what it is, and having hope that things are going to be better and things are going to work out.
Number seven, you will grow as a person and learn when you go through changes, we just can’t help it. Going through a change, especially one that is traumatic, changes you forever. Changes who you are. Changes how you deal with things. Changes how you see things. You’re never going to be the same again and that’s a good thing because in the midst of change is a great deal of learning, if you are willing to have vision and perspective and if you are willing to continually ask yourself the question “What am I supposed to be learning from this?” What I ask myself now that I don’t have sight is, “What am I supposed to see without my sight? What am I supposed to learn? How am I supposed to grow? How will I be different from this and how will that be a good thing, a better thing? How will I become a better person because of this?” In any change process, you can become stronger. You can become better. You will be different.
Number eight, maybe this sounds like a contradiction, but, just because something changes about you, even something radical, doesn’t change who you are as a person. I, as now a visually impaired person, am pretty much the same I was as a sighted person. I try to live my life in the same way. I have my same mission, my same purpose, my same values. So having something different about you, even if it was a disability that you didn’t have before doesn’t make you a different human being. Yes, you do things differently, you have different perspectives, you adapt, you change. But the core of who you are, especially when you know who you are remains the same. That’s important to know because know that even though something about you is different, you at the core are the same and you can’t be discounted or disrespected or allow yourself to be taken advantage of, even in your time of vulnerability, even in your time of disability. You are still at the core, who you are, and if who you are is strong and centered and grounded, that is still who you are and sometimes you have to remind yourself of that.
Keep moving forward,
Beth "BLOVI" Medlock
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