The Adventures of the Blind/Low Vision/Visually Impaired (BLOVI) Girl-Volume 16
This week and next I will be writing about relationships. This week I am going to talk about how I am clearing out the people in my life that are a drain on my energy and what I have discovered about the importance of having reciprocity in relationships. But first……………..
My WTF of the week is why people who are the least willing to be actively supportive are the ones who are full of the most praise and admiration for me. Oddly enough, when people say things like” you are so brave” or “you will overcome anything” or “you will inspire people” or “you are so resilient and have things figured out” it annoys me. I don’t have a problem with people who come to my talks or with whom I work saying these things, but it is different when it comes from people who are your friends or family. I think what it translates to me, is that, you will be OK so I don’t have to do anything to support or help you. In social relationships I expect people to be more authentic and to ask me about how I am adapting. Or how I am doing or if there is anything I need. In the end, I am no different than anyone else. I have really bad days. The reason I move forward is because I am a single mom who is self-employed and I have no choice but to do so. But it is a fantasy to think that I can pull everything off on my own. I need the help and support of friends, because the last time I checked I was not wearing some superhero cape.
This week I cannot get enough of the fact that the latest version of the Kindle reads aloud to you. After months of suffering through long waiting lists to get not even the most recent audiobooks , paying through the nose to get the CD’s or having to put the laptop in my bed next to me to listen to books I had downloaded, I finally have an option that will be more portable where I can get the newest releases. And since there is somewhat of a gift giving day approaching as well as my surgery, I am sure I can get my mom and dad to split the cost of it. Especially since the two things I asked for at Christmas that would have made my life a lot easier never appeared. Love ya, parents!
I have been thinking a lot about relationships in the past few weeks. When I was writing my newsletter for February, it being the month of love, I decided to talk about how the quality of your relationships really has the biggest effect on the quality of your life. This is a conversation I have been having recently because I have been disappointed in some people who I thought were my friends. I am beginning to really see the differences between people who are full and people who are empty. Those that are full have the capacity to be givers, and those that are empty are the takers. As I have spoken about, after my accident some people disappeared and self-selected to not be part of my life. Now I am in a phase where I am being proactive about who I want in my life and who I do not. I am cleaning house.
Some have said that when you change your life your friends will change and it is also true that when life changes you, your friends should change. Now, I am beginning to identify which relationships drain my energy and which people are takers. I need these people to be out of or at the periphery of my life. So far clearing these people from my life has brought me a sense of relief and a sense of lightness. By clearing them out, I am clearing the space for people who are full and giving to be part of my life.
I, in my more vulnerable state, need relationships that have reciprocity. I am not sure that I recognized that I had a need for this before the accident, because I felt so independent and did not feel comfortable asking for my needs to be met. It may have seemed like I could handle everything and I had no problem in giving without receiving. What this means, for me now, is that I always have to be sure that I am full and have something to give and that I am always aware that I am engaging in reciprocity with others. It may sound selfish, but I think we all owe it to ourselves to surround ourselves with people who can give and be supportive when it is needed.
Next week is my special Valentine’s Day blog where I discuss my thoughts on romantic love.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
This week and next I will be writing about relationships. This week I am going to talk about how I am clearing out the people in my life that are a drain on my energy and what I have discovered about the importance of having reciprocity in relationships. But first……………..
My WTF of the week is why people who are the least willing to be actively supportive are the ones who are full of the most praise and admiration for me. Oddly enough, when people say things like” you are so brave” or “you will overcome anything” or “you will inspire people” or “you are so resilient and have things figured out” it annoys me. I don’t have a problem with people who come to my talks or with whom I work saying these things, but it is different when it comes from people who are your friends or family. I think what it translates to me, is that, you will be OK so I don’t have to do anything to support or help you. In social relationships I expect people to be more authentic and to ask me about how I am adapting. Or how I am doing or if there is anything I need. In the end, I am no different than anyone else. I have really bad days. The reason I move forward is because I am a single mom who is self-employed and I have no choice but to do so. But it is a fantasy to think that I can pull everything off on my own. I need the help and support of friends, because the last time I checked I was not wearing some superhero cape.
This week I cannot get enough of the fact that the latest version of the Kindle reads aloud to you. After months of suffering through long waiting lists to get not even the most recent audiobooks , paying through the nose to get the CD’s or having to put the laptop in my bed next to me to listen to books I had downloaded, I finally have an option that will be more portable where I can get the newest releases. And since there is somewhat of a gift giving day approaching as well as my surgery, I am sure I can get my mom and dad to split the cost of it. Especially since the two things I asked for at Christmas that would have made my life a lot easier never appeared. Love ya, parents!
I have been thinking a lot about relationships in the past few weeks. When I was writing my newsletter for February, it being the month of love, I decided to talk about how the quality of your relationships really has the biggest effect on the quality of your life. This is a conversation I have been having recently because I have been disappointed in some people who I thought were my friends. I am beginning to really see the differences between people who are full and people who are empty. Those that are full have the capacity to be givers, and those that are empty are the takers. As I have spoken about, after my accident some people disappeared and self-selected to not be part of my life. Now I am in a phase where I am being proactive about who I want in my life and who I do not. I am cleaning house.
Some have said that when you change your life your friends will change and it is also true that when life changes you, your friends should change. Now, I am beginning to identify which relationships drain my energy and which people are takers. I need these people to be out of or at the periphery of my life. So far clearing these people from my life has brought me a sense of relief and a sense of lightness. By clearing them out, I am clearing the space for people who are full and giving to be part of my life.
I, in my more vulnerable state, need relationships that have reciprocity. I am not sure that I recognized that I had a need for this before the accident, because I felt so independent and did not feel comfortable asking for my needs to be met. It may have seemed like I could handle everything and I had no problem in giving without receiving. What this means, for me now, is that I always have to be sure that I am full and have something to give and that I am always aware that I am engaging in reciprocity with others. It may sound selfish, but I think we all owe it to ourselves to surround ourselves with people who can give and be supportive when it is needed.
Next week is my special Valentine’s Day blog where I discuss my thoughts on romantic love.
Keep Moving Forward,
Beth (BLOVI) Medlock
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