THE ADVENTURES OF THE BLIND/LOW VISION/VISUALLY IMPAIRED (BLOVI) GIRL—Volume 6
This week I was supposed to write about my adventures going out as a BLOVI. The problem is that I have not been out that much, and lately I have realized that I am not in a place where I want to go out to meet people, and by people I mean men. So this blog is about relationships and what I have learned from a string of sailed ones, But first…
My WTF of the week is, unfortunately, my telescoping spectacles. See picture on Facebook (disclaimer, no baby dolls were hurt in the taking of these pictures). What you can’t see is that they are about 10 pounds and I can barely hold my head up with them on and the frames bore into your nose. Also I have to adjust each telescope separately and then when I finally get something in focus I can’t move at all. I have figured out that they are only useful for watching TV because I can prop myself up to support my neck and I can watch without moving much. I have to take them off during commercials because of the pain. But it is somewhat worth it to be able to see Cake Boss like it is being projected right in from of your face. I really think the best use for them is for messing with people. I could put on some scrubs and pretend I have just cauterized an artery to stop a brain bleed and forgot to take them off. Alternatively I was thinking of telling people that I was testing a new technology that allowed me to be able to see through clothing and look continually disappointed.
This week I can’t get enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am learning a whole new language with terms like “boughetto” which is a combination of bougie (snobby) and ghetto. I am also learning about how to enhance the fabulousity of my private parts and how to throw a fabulous baby shower. And who would not want to hear Kim sing “Tardy for the Party” one more time. I also love how pissed off Patty Stanger is on this season of the Millionaire Matchmaker, probably because she waited 10 years for her man to propose and they broke up before the wedding. Surprised she had not read the book on the ambivalent man.
This leads me to my primer on romantic relationships. I have been married and divorced twice and have been in several other long term relationships. A serial monogamist. I learned from each relationship and after each one added to my list of preliminary screening questions/observation list. Here were some of the items on that list after 24 years of being in relationships:
• Are you actually single or just cheating on someone?
• Are you really straight or on the down low?
• Are you looking for a relationship because it is time to settle down, all your friends are married, or your mommy told you to?
• Are you afraid to be alone or bored?
• Do you think it is OK to hit your partner if you are angry?
• Do you bathe regularly?
• Do you know how to operate household appliances or use tools?
• If you were getting food for yourself on the way home, would you get some for me?
• Would you make an attempt to listen to the music I like or watch some of my favorite movies?
• Do you know what foreplay is (and that it should last more than 5 minutes)?
• Can you make a decision?
• How long does it take you to get ready to go out and does your routine include makeup or lots of styling products?
• Would you ever humiliate or ditch me in a public place or party?
• Are you willing to introduce me to your family sometime before we have been dating a year?
• Can you dance or at least try?
With every relationship I made better choices in partners and left those in which I was unhappy sooner. Now, at 42 I am single and I am really OK with it. This is because I choose myself first and I am not settling for something that is less than what I deserve or want. I am not living off of someone’s crumbs, I want the full banquet. I also have thrown out my screening list based on past relationships and now only want to know a few things:
• Do you love yourself and have the capacity to give and receive love?
• Can you communicate your needs, wants, fears, hopes and dreams?
• Do you know yourself and can you be real and authentic in a relationship?
• Can you make a commitment and stick with it in rough times?
That is all I need to know, the rest is irrelevant. I also don’t have “Would you be with a person that is legally blind?” as a question. That is because those men would not take the time to get to know me and we would not even get to the questions. That is their loss. I have also discovered that you should trust your gut, your close friends are usually right, and that I should have read and re-read the book “He’s just not that into you”. I could have avoided heartbreak if I would have done those 3 things. Last, I have learned that you have to take the time to grieve the loss of a relationship and sit with and feel the sadness and pain. I did not do this after I got dumped by the first person I really loved and I was half shut-down and thinking instead of feeling for 12 years. This time, after ending a relationship with the second person I really loved (a few weeks before my accident---July was a rough month) I decided that I would take time to grieve, heal and forgive (which is how I am also dealing my new vision) so that I remain open to love. I know that one day I will find a life partner, because of this openness, my unwillingness to settle, and my new set of questions. After my accident I was drawing runes and I picked the rune that focused on a time of waiting. So, I am waiting and, in the meantime, I am happy being with myself, family and friends. It is a kind of freedom to be OK without a partner and to know it has nothing to do with your worth or your ability to love or be loved.
Coming next week—the things for which I am thankful.
Keep moving forward,
Beth
This week I was supposed to write about my adventures going out as a BLOVI. The problem is that I have not been out that much, and lately I have realized that I am not in a place where I want to go out to meet people, and by people I mean men. So this blog is about relationships and what I have learned from a string of sailed ones, But first…
My WTF of the week is, unfortunately, my telescoping spectacles. See picture on Facebook (disclaimer, no baby dolls were hurt in the taking of these pictures). What you can’t see is that they are about 10 pounds and I can barely hold my head up with them on and the frames bore into your nose. Also I have to adjust each telescope separately and then when I finally get something in focus I can’t move at all. I have figured out that they are only useful for watching TV because I can prop myself up to support my neck and I can watch without moving much. I have to take them off during commercials because of the pain. But it is somewhat worth it to be able to see Cake Boss like it is being projected right in from of your face. I really think the best use for them is for messing with people. I could put on some scrubs and pretend I have just cauterized an artery to stop a brain bleed and forgot to take them off. Alternatively I was thinking of telling people that I was testing a new technology that allowed me to be able to see through clothing and look continually disappointed.
This week I can’t get enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am learning a whole new language with terms like “boughetto” which is a combination of bougie (snobby) and ghetto. I am also learning about how to enhance the fabulousity of my private parts and how to throw a fabulous baby shower. And who would not want to hear Kim sing “Tardy for the Party” one more time. I also love how pissed off Patty Stanger is on this season of the Millionaire Matchmaker, probably because she waited 10 years for her man to propose and they broke up before the wedding. Surprised she had not read the book on the ambivalent man.
This leads me to my primer on romantic relationships. I have been married and divorced twice and have been in several other long term relationships. A serial monogamist. I learned from each relationship and after each one added to my list of preliminary screening questions/observation list. Here were some of the items on that list after 24 years of being in relationships:
• Are you actually single or just cheating on someone?
• Are you really straight or on the down low?
• Are you looking for a relationship because it is time to settle down, all your friends are married, or your mommy told you to?
• Are you afraid to be alone or bored?
• Do you think it is OK to hit your partner if you are angry?
• Do you bathe regularly?
• Do you know how to operate household appliances or use tools?
• If you were getting food for yourself on the way home, would you get some for me?
• Would you make an attempt to listen to the music I like or watch some of my favorite movies?
• Do you know what foreplay is (and that it should last more than 5 minutes)?
• Can you make a decision?
• How long does it take you to get ready to go out and does your routine include makeup or lots of styling products?
• Would you ever humiliate or ditch me in a public place or party?
• Are you willing to introduce me to your family sometime before we have been dating a year?
• Can you dance or at least try?
With every relationship I made better choices in partners and left those in which I was unhappy sooner. Now, at 42 I am single and I am really OK with it. This is because I choose myself first and I am not settling for something that is less than what I deserve or want. I am not living off of someone’s crumbs, I want the full banquet. I also have thrown out my screening list based on past relationships and now only want to know a few things:
• Do you love yourself and have the capacity to give and receive love?
• Can you communicate your needs, wants, fears, hopes and dreams?
• Do you know yourself and can you be real and authentic in a relationship?
• Can you make a commitment and stick with it in rough times?
That is all I need to know, the rest is irrelevant. I also don’t have “Would you be with a person that is legally blind?” as a question. That is because those men would not take the time to get to know me and we would not even get to the questions. That is their loss. I have also discovered that you should trust your gut, your close friends are usually right, and that I should have read and re-read the book “He’s just not that into you”. I could have avoided heartbreak if I would have done those 3 things. Last, I have learned that you have to take the time to grieve the loss of a relationship and sit with and feel the sadness and pain. I did not do this after I got dumped by the first person I really loved and I was half shut-down and thinking instead of feeling for 12 years. This time, after ending a relationship with the second person I really loved (a few weeks before my accident---July was a rough month) I decided that I would take time to grieve, heal and forgive (which is how I am also dealing my new vision) so that I remain open to love. I know that one day I will find a life partner, because of this openness, my unwillingness to settle, and my new set of questions. After my accident I was drawing runes and I picked the rune that focused on a time of waiting. So, I am waiting and, in the meantime, I am happy being with myself, family and friends. It is a kind of freedom to be OK without a partner and to know it has nothing to do with your worth or your ability to love or be loved.
Coming next week—the things for which I am thankful.
Keep moving forward,
Beth
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