October 19, 2010
So, you are back for more of the musings of the BLOVI Girl. I have decided to start my weekly blog kind of like Andy Cohen does on his Bravo show with the Mazel and Jackhole of the week. Except mine will be the “What the ______” and “I can t get enough of”of the week. This week my WTF is the Cougar Life commercial. When I heard/kind of saw it I thought it had to be an SNL skit, but where was Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake in drag or with something in a box., plus they would never be so lame as to use the “I am a pepper” Dr. Pepper 1970’s jingle with the “I am a cougar. You are a cougar. Wouldn’t you like to date a cougar now?” The cougar thing is so over and has jumped the shark with this commercial and website. But, you have to see it once so you can mock it. If someone called me a cougar, I would swat them with my white cane (if I had that damn cane yet). But I am totally okay with being a MILF.
What I can not get enough of is Top Chef Just Desserts. All the drama, egos and cattiness of Top Chef but with lots of chocolate. I sit very close to the TV looking at the delectable’s –I will make the effort to use my periphery to see dresses made of modeling chocolate. And I get to use terms like ganache and petit fours intelligently.
Back to the MILF thing, I have had many people ask me, who have not seen me after the accident, if I look the same. I have this feeling that people are picturing me as having wildly deformed eyes, like crazy or googly eyes. Fortunately, blunt force trauma that does damage in the back part of your eyes leaves your eyes looking pretty normal. So, except for the fact my eyes are a little bit browner, and my pupils are larger, I look the same. I may actually look better because, as some have said, I am also thinner and am doing a fabulous job putting on makeup without sight.
On to the focus of the blog, dealing with doctors…
In retrospect, after dealing with many doctors, I have realized that they were trying to give me subtle hints that I was screwed. Below is a list of the red flags I seem to have missed:
Overall, what I have learned about doctors is that there are several types. There are those that give you the best case scenario, which is not what you want to hear because given the fact that I had a one in a million freak accident, I was pretty sure I wasn’t coming out with the best case scenario. Then there are doctors that treat you like because you lost your vision you also lost your brain and you really don’t have an IQ to process any information, so they don’t give you much information and they beat around the bush.
What I’ve learned is that it is better off knowing exactly what is going on so that I know what to deal with and it took me three doctors to get there, to one that kind of told me straight that your vision isn’t going to get much better so it is what it is.
Also, I went through a procedure called a Vitrectomy where they basically remove the blood from behind your cornea. Good times. I wasn’t very sedated during the procedure, but should have been. So below is a list of reasons why people should be sedated during eye surgery.
1. So the patient doesn't try to have a conversation with you during the surgery.
2. So the patient does not have to hear the machine woman saying "cutting. cutting. cutting."
3. So you can say things like "Oh no! Large blood clot." or "I'm not touching that." without being questioned.
4. So the patient will not have to question your musical taste after hearing background operating room music selections.
Next week I am thinking about focusing on cool stuff you get when you are blind.
Keep moving forward.
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
What I can not get enough of is Top Chef Just Desserts. All the drama, egos and cattiness of Top Chef but with lots of chocolate. I sit very close to the TV looking at the delectable’s –I will make the effort to use my periphery to see dresses made of modeling chocolate. And I get to use terms like ganache and petit fours intelligently.
Back to the MILF thing, I have had many people ask me, who have not seen me after the accident, if I look the same. I have this feeling that people are picturing me as having wildly deformed eyes, like crazy or googly eyes. Fortunately, blunt force trauma that does damage in the back part of your eyes leaves your eyes looking pretty normal. So, except for the fact my eyes are a little bit browner, and my pupils are larger, I look the same. I may actually look better because, as some have said, I am also thinner and am doing a fabulous job putting on makeup without sight.
On to the focus of the blog, dealing with doctors…
In retrospect, after dealing with many doctors, I have realized that they were trying to give me subtle hints that I was screwed. Below is a list of the red flags I seem to have missed:
- My one main resident in the hospital kept saying “This is a very, very, very bad accident and you’ve sustained a very, very, very bad injury and I’m so so sorry this has happened to you.” This was his attempt at bedside manner which I appreciate but it was also kind of like “You’re fricking screwed lady”, which I didn’t realize until later that “you have a very, very, very bad injury” means .I thought he was trying to be nice.
- The cornea specialist came into the hospital and said any surgery on my cornea, iris, or pupil that have been damaged would be purely cosmetic. I should have known “God, those were important parts of the eye. Why would it be cosmetic elective surgery?” That was code for “If your retinas are damaged, it doesn’t matter what the other parts of your eye are doing” and of course that was the case. I didn’t know enough about the retinas at that point so I just nodded my head and said “Oh, that’s good, they can fix my cornea and my iris so I look normal.” But what I wasn’t hearing is its cosmetic because it’s not going to help you see. But you ignore all that. I really had no clue how the eye worked so I really had no idea what they were talking about. I mean, I hadn’t taken biology in a long time and I didn’t have How the Eye Works for Dummies.
- I especially like the doctors that use all this medical jargon and then say “Wow, you really whacked the heck out of your eyes!” or “This is a real bummer.”, which is true, it is a real bummer and I did whack the heck out of my eyes, but it’s funny to hear doctors talk like that, and those are definite signs that you are screwed.
What I’ve learned is that it is better off knowing exactly what is going on so that I know what to deal with and it took me three doctors to get there, to one that kind of told me straight that your vision isn’t going to get much better so it is what it is.
Also, I went through a procedure called a Vitrectomy where they basically remove the blood from behind your cornea. Good times. I wasn’t very sedated during the procedure, but should have been. So below is a list of reasons why people should be sedated during eye surgery.
1. So the patient doesn't try to have a conversation with you during the surgery.
2. So the patient does not have to hear the machine woman saying "cutting. cutting. cutting."
3. So you can say things like "Oh no! Large blood clot." or "I'm not touching that." without being questioned.
4. So the patient will not have to question your musical taste after hearing background operating room music selections.
Next week I am thinking about focusing on cool stuff you get when you are blind.
Keep moving forward.
Beth “BLOVI” Medlock
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